150 Best Denver Sayings and Jokes Your Guide to Local Humor

Ever heard someone say they’re “going to the mountains” like it’s a daily commute? Or maybe you’ve been confused by a local’s love for green chile on everything? That’s Denver for you! This city has its own unique language and sense of humor, and we’re diving right into it.

Get ready to explore the hilarious side of the Mile High City with our collection of Denver sayings and jokes. From quirky localisms to inside jokes only a true Denverite would understand, we’ve got it all.

Prepare to laugh, learn, and maybe even pick up a few new phrases to impress your friends. Let’s uncover the wit and wisdom woven into the fabric of Denver life!

Best Denver Sayings and Jokes Your Guide to Local Humor

• I tried to explain the Denver parking rules to a tourist, but I think I just created a new form of abstract art with my hand gestures.
• What’s a Denverite’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat… and an even better view of the mountains.
• Why did the squirrel get a parking ticket in LoDo? He was holding up traffic trying to bury his nuts.
• You know you’re in Denver when “a little snow” means “better get your skis ready”.
• My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes, so now I’m a professional parallel parker on Colfax.
• Denver is so high, even the pigeons have oxygen tanks.
• I’m not saying Denver is obsessed with craft beer, but my showerhead is currently dispensing a limited-edition IPA.
• A Denverite’s idea of roughing it is when the brewery they like runs out of their favorite hazy.
• What did the mountain say to the other mountain? “I’m feeling a little… rocky today.”
• I asked a Denver local where to find the best green chili. They just pointed to the nearest restaurant and whispered, “Trust the spice.”
• Why don’t secrets last long in Denver? Because everyone’s got a view and a rumor travels fast on a bike path.
• I once saw a bear trying to use a scooter downtown. He must have thought it was a salmon.
• A Denver dog walker’s greatest fear? A sudden snowstorm…followed by a sudden melting of said snow.
• Two Denver hikers were arguing about which trail was steeper. It escalated to a full-on gear comparison before they both realized they were just talking about a flight of stairs.
• The Denver airport is so far away, I think I need a connecting flight to get to my car.

Denver Lingo: Decoding Local Sayings

Ever feel lost in a Denver conversation? “Denver Lingo: Decoding Local Sayings” is your guide to understanding our quirky slang and inside jokes. From “the mountains are out” to playful jabs about traffic, this guide helps you navigate the Mile High City’s unique way of talking, making you feel like…

• My favorite Denver workout? Trying to parallel park on a hill while wearing ski boots, and then finding a place to lock up my bike, and then trying to find a brewery with a good view of the mountains.
• A Denverite’s idea of a “quick trip” is a 45 minute drive to a trailhead, and then a hike up a 14er, and then a drive to a different brewery, and then they have to find parking for their bike.
• “You know you’re a true Denver local when you can give directions using only the names of breweries, the general direction of the nearest dispensary, and the phrase ‘just past that really steep hill with the awesome view'”.
• I tried to order a “small” coffee in Denver; they handed me a thermos the size of a hiking boot, and then asked if I wanted it with a shot of CBD.
• Denver weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden snow flurry, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a winter coat, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you’re trying to find parking.
• My dating profile says I’m seeking someone who appreciates a good IPA and can navigate a ski lift without falling, and also has a really good data plan.
• “My therapist told me to embrace my inner Denverite, so I started wearing hiking boots to therapy, talking about the latest brewery openings, and then asked if they wanted to go for a bike ride on the greenway, and then we did, but first we had to find parking, and then we had to try a new dispensary, and then we had to find parking for our bikes, and then we got some kombucha.”
• Denver drivers treat lane lines as a suggestion, speed limits as a personal challenge, and turn signals as a relic from a bygone era, especially when trying to merge onto I-70, and then they all stop to take pictures of the mountains, and then they all have to find parking.
• “A Denverite’s biggest fear? Running out of craft beer before the weekend ends, and also, a lack of parking at Red Rocks, and also, a bad data signal when trying to find the best dispensary, and then they have to figure out how to get their bike home.”
• I tried to have a moment of peace in a Denver park, but a group of outdoor enthusiasts started a slacklining competition using a whiteboard and a drone, and then tried to sell me a subscription to their new app that predicts the best time to hike, and then they asked if I had a good data plan.
• “My car’s GPS in Denver now just says, “Prepare for unexpected detours due to road construction, a strong urge to go hiking, and the possibility of encountering a craft brewery, and then you will probably need to find parking for your bike, and then you will need to find a charging port for your phone, and then you will need to have a good data plan to figure out how to get home.”
• “My favorite Denver workout? Walking uphill, both ways, while dodging scooters, and tourists, and also, trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then getting a coffee with a really long line, and then trying to find a dry place to sit and drink it, and then you have to figure out how to get home, and then you have to start all over again.”
• A Denverite walks into a coffee shop and orders a “venti, oat milk, sugar-free, ethically sourced, single-origin latte,” then asks if they validate parking, and then asks if they can charge their phone, and then asks for the wifi password, and then they ask if there is a bike rack.
• “Denver dating is like trying to navigate a ski resort: a lot of uphill effort, occasional wipeouts, and the hope of finding a good view at the end, but first, you have to find parking, and then you have to find a place to lock your bike, and then you have to figure out how to get back down the mountain, and then you have to start all over again.”
• “My apartment is so small, I have to go to Red Rocks to feel like I have some space to breathe, and then I have to find parking, and then I have to pay for parking, and then I have to walk up the steep hill, and then I have to find a place to sit, and then I realize I forgot to bring water, and then I have to walk back down the hill, and then I have to find a place to lock my bike, and then I have to figure out how to get home.”

Mile High City Humor: Jokes Only Denverites Get

Denverites share a unique comedic language. It’s that “I-70 traffic is a character” kind of humor or the knowing nod when someone mentions “Casa Bonita.” We bond over altitude sickness jokes and the struggle of finding parking downtown. If you get these, congrats, you’re fluent in Mile High City humor.

• My Denver apartment is so small, I have to go to Red Rocks to feel like I have some space to breathe… and then I have to find parking.
• A Denverite’s idea of a balanced diet is a craft beer in one hand and a green chile burrito in the other, and maybe some kombucha for digestion, and then they have to find parking for their bike.
• You know you’re a Denver local when you can give directions using only the names of breweries, the general direction of the nearest dispensary, and the phrase, “just past that really steep hill with the awesome view, and then you’ll have to find parking for your bike”.
• Denver weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden snow flurry, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a winter coat, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you’re trying to find parking.
• I tried to order a small coffee in Denver, they handed me a thermos the size of a hiking boot.
• A Denverite’s biggest fear? Running out of craft beer before the weekend ends, and also, a lack of parking at Red Rocks, and also, a bad data signal when trying to find the best dispensary, and then they have to figure out how to get their bike home.
• My favorite Denver workout? Walking uphill… both ways, while dodging scooters, and tourists, and also, trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then getting a coffee with a really long line, and then trying to find a dry place to sit and drink it, and then you have to figure out how to get home, and then you have to start all over again.
• Denver drivers treat lane lines as a suggestion, speed limits as a personal challenge, and turn signals as a relic from a bygone era, especially when trying to merge onto I-70, and then they all stop to take pictures of the mountains, and then they all have to find parking.
• Why did the squirrel get a parking ticket in LoDo? He was holding up traffic trying to bury his nuts in the bike lane.
• A Denver date is a lot like trying to navigate a ski resort: a lot of uphill effort, occasional wipeouts, and the hope of finding a good view at the end, but first, you have to find parking, and then you have to find a place to lock your bike, and then you have to figure out how to get back down the mountain, and then you have to start all over again.
• A tourist asked me what the secret to happiness was; I told them, “Sunshine, craft beer, and a really good view of the mountains, and maybe a parking spot that isn’t a mile away from the trailhead, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• My car’s GPS in Denver now just says, “Prepare for unexpected detours due to road construction, a strong urge to go hiking, and the possibility of encountering a craft brewery, and then you will probably need to find parking for your bike, and then you will need to find a charging port for your phone, and then you will need to have a good data plan to figure out how to get home.”
• Denver: Where the question isn’t “What do you do?” but “Which brewery are you hitting up this weekend, and do they have a dog-friendly patio and bike parking?”
• They say the early bird gets the worm, but in Denver, the early bird just gets a better parking spot at the trailhead, and maybe some fresh powder, and then they have to figure out how to get their bike home.
• A Denverite walks into a coffee shop and orders a “venti, oat milk, sugar-free, ethically sourced, single-origin latte,” then asks if they validate parking, and then asks if they can charge their phone, and then asks for the wifi password, and then they ask if there is a bike rack.

Denverisms: Unique Phrases and Their Origins

Ever heard someone in Denver say “going to the mountains” like it’s the only mountains? That’s a Denverism! It’s part of our local lingo, like joking about I-70 traffic or the bizarre weather. These sayings and jokes are funny because they’re born from shared experiences, making you instantly feel like…

• My favorite Denver workout? Trying to find a parking spot at Red Rocks before a concert, and then hiking up the stairs like it’s a personal Everest, and then trying to find a place to lock your bike.
• You know you’re a Denverite when your car has a permanent layer of dust from all the trailhead parking lots.
• Denver weather is like a choose-your-own-adventure book, except all the endings involve needing a jacket, sunglasses, and a snow shovel, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• I tried to order a small coffee in Denver, they handed me a French press and a map of the world’s coffee bean origins.
• A Denverite’s idea of a ‘quick trip’ is a 45-minute drive to a different trailhead, and then a hike up a 14er, and then a drive to a different brewery, and then they have to find parking for their bike, and then they have to find a charging port for their phone.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Denverite, so I started wearing hiking boots to therapy and talking about the latest brewery openings, and then asked if they wanted to go for a bike ride on the greenway, and then we did, but first we had to find parking, and then we had to try a new dispensary, and then we had to find parking for our bikes, and then we got some kombucha.
• Denver dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates a good craft beer, doesn’t mind a little altitude, and can navigate a mountain trail without complaining, and also, has a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking, and they also have a bike rack on their car.
• Denver drivers use turn signals like they’re optional features on a Subaru, and the speed limits are just a suggestion for tourists, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• My favorite Denver activity? Trying to explain to out-of-towners that no, not all of Colorado is like the mountains in the postcards, and yes, we do have traffic, and yes, the parking is terrible, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• The most common phrase in Denver? “Is that a new brewery?” followed by “Do they have a dog-friendly patio?” and then “Is there bike parking?”
• Denver traffic is like a choose-your-own-adventure book, except all the endings involve a detour and a strong desire for a craft beer.
• I tried to have a moment of zen in a Denver park, but a group of outdoor enthusiasts started a slacklining competition using a whiteboard and a drone, and then tried to sell me a subscription to their new app that predicts the next snowstorm, and then they asked if I had a good data plan, and then they asked if I wanted to try their locally sourced kombucha.
• You know you’re a Denver local when you can identify the exact peak just by looking at it through a car window, and you can also tell how much snow it got last night, and then you have to figure out how to get your bike there.
• A Denverite’s idea of a “quick break” is a 45-minute hike to a viewpoint, followed by a craft beer, and then they have to find parking for their bike.
• My car’s GPS in Denver now just says, “Prepare for traffic, a sudden urge to go hiking, and the possibility of encountering a craft brewery, and then you will probably need to find parking for your bike, and then you will need to find a charging port for your phone, and then you will need to have a good data plan to figure out how to get home.”

Laughing at Altitude: Denver-Specific Jokes

Denverites have a unique sense of humor, often poking fun at our thin air and mountain proximity. “Laughing at Altitude” isn’t just about the giggles; it’s a shared experience, like joking about needing an oxygen tank after climbing the stairs or parking a Subaru sideways on a hill. These in-jokes…

• My idea of a ‘quick trip’ in Denver involves a 45-minute drive to the mountains, a three-hour hike, and then a search for parking near a brewery, and then a bike ride to another brewery, and then I realize I left my helmet at the first brewery.
• You know you’re a true Denverite when you can give directions using only the names of dispensaries, the general direction of the nearest mountain peak, and the phrase, “just past that really steep hill where everyone takes pictures, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan.”
• I tried to have a moment of peace in a Denver park, but a group of outdoor enthusiasts started a slacklining competition using a whiteboard and a drone, and then tried to sell me a subscription to their new app that predicts the next powder day, and then asked if I had a good data plan, and then asked if I wanted to invest in their new company that helps you find a place to lock your bike, and then asked if I wanted to try their locally sourced kombucha.
• Denver’s weather forecast: “Expect sunshine, a sudden snow flurry, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a winter coat, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you’re trying to find parking, and also, you should probably have a dog that likes to go to breweries and hikes.”
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Denverite, so I started wearing hiking boots to therapy, talking about the latest brewery openings, and then asked if they wanted to go for a bike ride on the greenway, and then we did, but first we had to find parking, and then we had to try a new dispensary, and then we had to find parking for our bikes, and then we got some kombucha.
• A Denverite’s idea of a balanced diet is a craft beer in one hand and a green chile burrito in the other, and maybe some kombucha for digestion, and also, they have to find parking for their bike.
• Why did the bike get a parking ticket in LoDo? It was holding up traffic trying to find a bike rack that wasn’t already full.
• A tourist asked me what the secret to happiness was; I told them, “Sunshine, craft beer, and a really good view of the mountains, and maybe a parking spot that isn’t a mile away from the trailhead, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• Denver: where the question isn’t “What do you do?” but “Which brewery are you hitting up this weekend and do they have a dog-friendly patio and bike parking?”
• My favorite Denver workout? Trying to parallel park on a hill while wearing ski boots, and then trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then trying to find a brewery with a good view of the mountains, and then realizing I forgot my phone charger, and then I have to start all over again.
• Denver dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates a good craft beer, doesn’t mind a little altitude, and can navigate a mountain trail without complaining, and also, has a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking, and they also have a bike rack on their car, and they are also okay with me talking about the weather for 45 minutes.
• A Denverite’s biggest fear? Running out of craft beer before the weekend ends, and also, a lack of parking at Red Rocks, and also, a bad data signal when trying to find the best dispensary, and then they have to figure out how to get their bike home, and then they have to try to find a place to charge their phone.
• “I’m not saying I’m bad at navigating Denver, but I’m pretty sure my GPS now just suggests taking a nap in traffic, or finding a new brewery to try, and then figuring out how to get my bike home.”
• Denver drivers treat lane lines as a suggestion, speed limits as a personal challenge, and turn signals as a relic from a bygone era, and also, they all stop to take pictures of the mountains, and then they all have to find parking, and they are all trying to figure out how to use the app to unlock their scooter.
• “You know you’re a true Denver local when you can give directions using only the names of breweries, the general direction of the nearest dispensary, and the phrase ‘just past that really steep hill with the awesome view’, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan, and an extra layer of clothing.”

Local Denver Slang: Understanding the Vernacular

Ever hear someone in Denver say “Go get some green chile” or “That’s hella good”? Understanding local slang is key to getting Denver jokes and sayings. It’s not just about the words, but the culture they represent. Dive in and you’ll be laughing with the locals in no time.

• My Denver dating profile: “Seeking someone who appreciates a good craft beer, doesn’t mind a little altitude, and can navigate a mountain trail without complaining, and also has a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking, and they also have a bike rack on their car, and they are also okay with me talking about the weather for 45 minutes, and they have a dog that loves to go to breweries and hiking trails.”
• Denver weather is like a choose-your-own-adventure book, but all the options involve needing a jacket, sunglasses, and a snow shovel.
• “Just five more minutes,” said the Denverite, which actually meant, “I’ll see you in 45 minutes, after I’ve hiked up a mountain and stopped for a craft beer, and then I have to find parking for my bike.”
• Denver: where the question isn’t “What do you do?” but “Which brewery are you hitting up this weekend, and do they have a dog-friendly patio and bike parking?”
• My car’s GPS in Denver now just says, “Prepare for unexpected detours due to road construction, a strong urge to go hiking, and the possibility of encountering a craft brewery, and then you will probably need to find parking for your bike, and then you will need to find a charging port for your phone, and then you will need to have a good data plan to figure out how to get home.”
• I tried to order a “small” coffee in Denver, and they handed me a thermos the size of a hiking boot and a map of the world’s coffee bean origins.
• A Denverite’s idea of a “quick trip” is a 45 minute drive to a trailhead, and then a hike up a 14er, and then a drive to a different brewery, and then they have to find parking for their bike, and then they have to try to figure out how to use the app to unlock their scooter.
• Denver drivers treat lane lines as a suggestion, speed limits as a personal challenge, and turn signals as a relic from a bygone era, and also, they all stop to take pictures of the mountains, and then they all have to find parking, and they are all trying to figure out how to use the app to unlock their scooter, and they all have a bike rack on their car.
• Why did the squirrel get a parking ticket in LoDo? He was holding up traffic trying to bury his nuts in the bike lane, and also, he couldn’t figure out how to use the app to unlock his scooter.
• I’m not saying I’m bad at navigating Denver, but I’m pretty sure my GPS now just suggests taking a nap in traffic, or finding a new brewery to try, and then figuring out how to get my bike home, and also, I should probably have a backup data plan.
• Denver dating is like trying to navigate a ski resort: a lot of uphill effort, occasional wipeouts, and the hope of finding a good view at the end, but first, you have to find parking, and then you have to find a place to lock your bike, and then you have to figure out how to get back down the mountain, and then you have to start all over again.
• My favorite Denver workout? Trying to parallel park on a hill while wearing ski boots, and then trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then trying to find a brewery with a good view of the mountains, and then realizing I forgot my phone charger, and then I have to start all over again.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Denverite, so I started wearing hiking boots to therapy, talking about the latest brewery openings, and then asked if they wanted to go for a bike ride on the greenway, and then we did, but first we had to find parking, and then we had to try a new dispensary, and then we had to find parking for our bikes, and then we got some kombucha, and then I realized I forgot my phone charger, and then I had to start all over again.
• You know you’re a true Denver local when you can give directions using only the names of breweries, the general direction of the nearest dispensary, and the phrase ‘just past that really steep hill with the awesome view’ and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan, and a portable charger.
• A Denverite’s biggest fear? Running out of craft beer before the weekend ends, and also, a lack of parking at Red Rocks, and also, a bad data signal when trying to find the best dispensary, and then they have to figure out how to get their bike home, and then they realize they don’t have a portable charger.

Denver Pun-tastic: Wordplay and Jokes

Looking for a laugh with local flavor? “Denver Pun-tastic” is your go-to! This collection of wordplay and jokes dives deep into Denver’s quirks, offering hilarious takes on everything from our mountains to our microbrews. It’s a perfect way to connect with the city’s humor, whether you’re a native or new…

• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Denverite, so I started wearing hiking boots to therapy and talking about the latest brewery openings, and then asked if they wanted to go for a bike ride on the greenway, and then we did, but first, we had to find parking, and then we had to try a new dispensary, and then we had to find parking for our bikes, and then we got some kombucha, and then I realized I forgot my phone charger, and then I had to start all over again.
• Denver drivers treat lane lines like suggestions from a tourist brochure, and speed limits like a personal challenge to see how fast you can get to the next brewery.
• You know you’re a true Denver local when you can give directions using only the names of breweries, the general direction of the nearest dispensary, and the phrase “just past that really steep hill with the awesome view, and then you’ll probably have to find parking for your bike”.
• Denver dating is like trying to navigate a ski resort; a lot of uphill effort, occasional wipeouts, and the hope of finding a good view at the end, but first, you have to find parking, and then you have to find a place to lock your bike, and then you have to figure out how to get back down the mountain, and then you have to start all over again.
• A Denverite’s idea of a “quick trip” is a 45-minute drive to a trailhead, and then a hike up a 14er, and then a drive to a different brewery, and then they have to find parking for their bike, and then they have to figure out how to use the app to unlock their scooter.
• Denver weather is like a choose-your-own-adventure book, but all the options involve needing a jacket, sunglasses, and a snow shovel, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan.
• My favorite Denver workout? Trying to parallel park on a hill while wearing ski boots, and then trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then trying to find a brewery with a good view of the mountains, and then realizing I forgot my phone charger, and then I have to start all over again.
• A tourist asked me what the secret to happiness was; I told them, “A good craft beer, a really good view of the mountains, and maybe a parking spot that isn’t a mile away from the trailhead, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• I tried to order a small coffee in Denver; they handed me a thermos the size of a hiking boot, and then asked if I wanted it with a shot of CBD.
• Denver: Where the question isn’t “What do you do?” but “Which brewery are you hitting up this weekend, and do they have a dog-friendly patio and bike parking?”
• My car’s GPS in Denver now just says, “Prepare for unexpected detours due to road construction, a strong urge to go hiking, and the possibility of encountering a craft brewery, and then you will probably need to find parking for your bike, and then you will need to find a charging port for your phone, and then you will need to have a good data plan to figure out how to get home.”
• Denver dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates a good craft beer, doesn’t mind a little altitude, and can navigate a mountain trail without complaining, and also, has a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking, and they also have a bike rack on their car.
• Denver drivers use turn signals like they’re optional features on a Subaru, and the speed limits are just a suggestion for tourists, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• A Denverite walks into a coffee shop and orders a “venti, oat milk, sugar-free, ethically sourced, single-origin latte,” then asks if they validate parking, and then asks if they can charge their phone, and then asks for the wifi password, and then they ask if there is a bike rack.
• Denver weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden snow flurry, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a winter coat, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.

Colorado Comedy: Denver’s Contribution to Humor

Denver’s comedy scene is no joke! It’s a vibrant part of our local culture, shaping the kind of humor you hear in Denver sayings and jokes. From self-deprecating quips about altitude to playful jabs at our love for craft beer, Denver comedians capture the city’s unique spirit, giving us plenty…

• My Denver apartment is so small, my houseplants are starting to get altitude sickness.
• You know you’re a Denver local when you can give directions using only the names of breweries, the general direction of the nearest trailhead, and the phrase, “just past the really steep hill where everyone takes pictures, and then you have to find parking for your bike”.
• Denver’s dating scene is like a mountain trail: lots of uphill effort, occasional breathtaking views, and the constant struggle to find a parking spot.
• I tried to order a small coffee in Denver, they handed me a French press and a map of the world’s coffee bean origins.
• Denver drivers treat lane lines as a suggestion, speed limits as a personal challenge, and turn signals as a relic from a bygone era, especially when trying to merge onto I-70, and then they all stop to take pictures of the mountains, and then they all have to find parking.
• A Denverite’s idea of a ‘quick trip’ is a 45-minute drive to a trailhead, and then a hike up a 14er, and then a drive to a different brewery, and then they have to find parking for their bike, and then they have to try to find a place to charge their phone, and then they realize they left their helmet at the first brewery.
• My favorite Denver workout? Trying to parallel park on a hill while wearing hiking boots, and then trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then realizing I forgot my water bottle.
• Denver weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden snow flurry, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a winter coat, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan, and a portable charger.
• Denver’s dating profile would probably read: “Adventurous explorer seeking someone who doesn’t mind long hikes, the occasional map malfunction, and the possibility of me talking about the weather for 45 minutes, and also, you should probably have a bike rack on your car.”
• They say Denver has four seasons: almost winter, still winter, road construction, and a brief, glorious week of pretending it’s not going to be cold again soon, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan.
• A Denverite’s biggest fear? Running out of craft beer before the weekend ends, and also, a lack of parking at Red Rocks, and also, a bad data signal when trying to find the best dispensary, and then they have to figure out how to get their bike home, and then they realize they don’t have a portable charger.
• I tried to have a moment of zen in a Denver park, but a group of outdoor enthusiasts started a slacklining competition using a whiteboard and a drone, and then tried to sell me a subscription to their new app that predicts the best time to hike, and then asked if I had a good data plan, and then asked if I wanted to invest in their new company that helps you find a place to lock your bike.
• Denver: where “a few minutes away” means you’re either already there, or you’re still in the next county, and it’s probably because you stopped for a craft beer.
• My car’s GPS in Denver now just says, “Prepare for unexpected detours due to road construction, a strong urge to go hiking, and the possibility of encountering a craft brewery, and then you will probably need to find parking for your bike, and then you will need to find a charging port for your phone, and then you will need to have a good data plan to figure out how to get home, and then you will probably need a nap.”
• Denver dating: where the first question is always “What’s your favorite brewery?”, and the second is, “Do you have a bike rack on your car, and a really good data plan?”

Inside Jokes: Denver’s Shared Funny Experiences

Denver’s humor isn’t just about mountains and legal weed; it’s about those shared moments only locals truly get. “Inside Jokes: Denver” explores these unique experiences, from navigating I-25 traffic to understanding the obsession with Casa Bonita. It’s a hilarious dive into the city’s collective consciousness, a tapestry woven with local…

• My Denver apartment is so small, my houseplants are starting to develop a complex about the lack of mountain views, and also the fact that they have to listen to me complain about parking all the time.
• I tried to order a small coffee in Denver; they handed me a French press, a grinder, and a detailed map of the local roasters.
• You know you’re a true Denverite when you can give directions using only the names of breweries, the general direction of the nearest dispensary, and the phrase, “just past that really steep hill where everyone takes pictures, and then you have to find parking for your bike, and then you realize you left your helmet at the last brewery.”
• Denver weather is like a choose-your-own-adventure book, but all the options involve needing a jacket, sunglasses, and a snow shovel, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you’re trying to find parking, and a portable charger for your phone, and a map of all the breweries in the area.
• My favorite Denver workout? Trying to parallel park on a hill while wearing hiking boots, and then trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then trying to find a brewery with a good view of the mountains, and then realizing I forgot my phone charger, and then I have to start all over again, but I’m still going to get a craft beer anyway.
• A Denverite’s idea of a “quick trip” is a 45-minute drive to a trailhead, and then a hike up a 14er, and then a drive to a different brewery, and then they have to find parking for their bike, and then they have to try to figure out how to use the app to unlock their scooter.
• I tried to have a quiet moment in a Denver park, but a group of outdoor enthusiasts started a slacklining competition using a whiteboard and a drone, and then tried to sell me a subscription to their new app that predicts the next powder day, and then asked if I had a good data plan, and then asked if I wanted to invest in their new company that helps you find a place to lock your bike, and then asked if I wanted to try their locally sourced kombucha.
• Denver dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates a good craft beer, doesn’t mind a little altitude, and can navigate a mountain trail without complaining, and also has a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking, and they also have a bike rack on their car, and they are also okay with me talking about the weather for 45 minutes, and they have a dog that loves to go to breweries and hiking trails, and they also have a portable charger for their phone.
• My car’s GPS in Denver now just says, “Prepare for unexpected detours due to road construction, a strong urge to go hiking, and the possibility of encountering a craft brewery, and then you will probably need to find parking for your bike, and then you will need to find a charging port for your phone, and then you will need to have a good data plan to figure out how to get home, and then you will probably need a nap.”
• Two Denver hikers were arguing about which trail was steeper. It escalated to a full-on gear comparison before they both realized they were just talking about a flight of stairs, and then they had to find parking for their bikes, and then they went to a brewery.
• You know you’ve met a true Denver local when they can give directions using only the names of breweries, the general direction of the nearest dispensary, and the phrase ‘just past that really steep hill with the awesome view’, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan, and also a portable charger.
• Denver drivers treat lane lines as a suggestion, speed limits as a personal challenge, and turn signals as a relic from a bygone era, and also, they all stop to take pictures of the mountains, and then they all have to find parking, and they are all trying to figure out how to use the app to unlock their scooter, and they all have a bike rack on their car, and they all have a really good data plan, and they all have a portable charger for their phone.
• “Just five more minutes,” said the Denverite, which actually meant, “I’ll see you in 45 minutes, after I’ve hiked up a mountain and stopped for a craft beer, and then I have to find parking for my bike, and then I have to figure out how to get home, and then I have to start all over again, but it was totally worth it.”
• I tried to order a regular coffee in Denver, and the barista looked at me like I was from another planet, then offered me a pour-over with a detailed explanation of the bean’s emotional journey, and then asked if I wanted it with a shot of CBD, and then asked if I had a good data plan, and then asked if I wanted to invest in their new app that helps you find parking for your bike.
• My Denver dating profile: “Seeking someone who appreciates a good craft beer, doesn’t mind a little altitude, and can navigate a mountain trail without complaining, and also has a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking, and they also have a bike rack on their car, and they are also okay with me talking about the weather for 45 minutes, and they have a dog that loves to go to breweries and hiking trails, and they also have a portable charger for their phone, and they also have a good sense of humor about my inability to parallel park on a hill.”