150 Best Baltimore Sayings and Jokes You Gotta Hear Hon

Ever heard someone say “Hon” and wondered what planet they were from? Welcome to Baltimore, where the local lingo is as unique as the city itself! Get ready to dive into the hilarious world of Baltimore sayings and jokes.

From “yous guys” to “wooder ice,” we’ve got a dialect all our own. This post will explore the quirky expressions and funny anecdotes that make Baltimore so wonderfully different.

Prepare to laugh, learn, and maybe even pick up a few of these Baltimore classics to impress your friends!

Best Baltimore Sayings and Jokes You Gotta Hear Hon

• Hon, you know you’re from Baltimore when “going downy ocean” doesn’t mean a thing to anyone outside of the city.
• Why did the crab cross the road? Because he heard they had Old Bay on the other side!
• A Baltimorean walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you.”
• You can take the person outta Baltimore, but you can’t take the “you gonna get your hair did” outta the person.
• I’m not saying Baltimore drivers are bad, but if they invented a sport based on close calls, we’d win the championship every year.
• What’s a Baltimorean’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat and a solid “hon” in the lyrics.
• A tourist asked me, “What’s the best thing about Baltimore?” I said, “Leaving on 95 south during rush hour… it’s a breeze.”
• They say Baltimore is gritty, but I think it’s more like a well-seasoned crab cake – a little rough around the edges but delicious inside.
• My Baltimorean friend tried to order a sandwich in New York. He asked for “a sub, wit’ a little bit of everything, you know, the works… but like, Hon style.” The cashier just looked confused.
• A Baltimorean was telling his friend a joke. “Why was the seafood so sad?” He paused for dramatic effect, “because it was feeling crabby!”
• The difference between Baltimore and everywhere else? We say “jimmies” and everyone else says “sprinkles”. I mean, c’mon, who says sprinkles?
• Two Baltimoreans are at the zoo. One says, “Look at that tiger, hon!” The other replies, “Yeah, but have you seen the birds downy harbor?”
• A Baltimorean was asked if he could describe his city in one word, he replied “Charm… with a side of “don’t look at me funny”.”
• I told my therapist I had a fear of commitment. He said, “Let’s take it slow.” I replied “Slow? Hon, I’m from Baltimore, that’s a Tuesday.”
• The only thing stronger than a Baltimore accent is the feeling you get when you see a freshly steamed bushel of crabs.

Baltimorean Slang: Decoding the Local Lingo

Ever felt lost in translation in Baltimore? “Hon,” “Bawlmer,” and “wooder” are just the tip of the iceberg! Our local slang is a language all its own, adding flavor to everyday conversations and jokes. Dive into “Baltimore Sayings and Jokes” to decode the city’s unique lingo and truly understand what…

• “Hon, that traffic on 695 is worse than a Ravens loss.”
• “I’m not sayin’ I’m a crab snob, but I know the difference between a good jumble and somethin’ that’s been sittin’ around.”
• “That’s about as likely as findin’ a parking spot in Hampden on HonFest weekend.”
• “He’s got more opinions than a Baltimorean at a Natty Boh tasting.”
• “Don’t get your knickers in a twist, hon, it’s just a little rain, we’ve seen worse.”
• “She’s got a Bawlmer accent thicker than a pit beef sandwich.”
• “I’m gonna grab a sub, or a hoagie, or whatever you call it, and then I’m gonna go watch the O’s, and then I’m gonna try to find parking, and then I’m gonna start all over again tomorrow.”
• “That’s about as smart as tryin’ to order a Yuengling at a Ravens game… it just ain’t gonna happen.”
• “He’s so slow, he makes the B&O Railroad look like a bullet train, and also, he probably doesn’t know how to get around downtown, and also, he probably doesn’t know where to find the best crab cakes, and also, he probably doesn’t have a portable charger.”
• “Hon, that’s more confusing than trying to understand the Baltimore parking regulations, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home.”
• “Why did the crab get a ticket? It was caught jaywalking, and also, it couldn’t find parking, and it was probably trying to get to a seafood festival, and also, it was probably trying to find a place to charge its phone.”
• “I’m not saying the portions are big, but my plate of crab fries came with its own zip code, and a side of Old Bay that was bigger than my head, and then I tried to find parking, and then I realized I forgot my portable charger, and then I had to start all over again tomorrow.”
• “That’s about as likely as findin’ a parking spot on Pratt Street during rush hour, and then you try to find a place to lock your bike, and then you realize you forgot your portable charger, and then you start all over again.”
• “He’s so lost, he couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag, even if he had a map of the city that was written in Baltimore slang, and also, he probably doesn’t have a good data plan, and he probably forgot his portable charger, and he probably doesn’t know where to find the best crab cakes.”
• “Hon, that’s about as exciting as watching paint dry, and then trying to find parking near the harbor, and then you realize you forgot your hat, and then you have to start all over again tomorrow, but you should probably get a crab cake anyway.”

Funny Baltimore Jokes: Cracking Up Charm City

Baltimore’s unique charm shines through its humor. “Funny Baltimore Jokes: Cracking Up Charm City” explores the quirky side of local life, from the accent to beloved landmarks. It’s a hilarious addition to the city’s repertoire of sayings and jokes, offering a lighthearted look at what makes Baltimore, well, Baltimore.

• You know you’re from Baltimore when your GPS says “recalculating” and you just yell, “I know where I’m going, hon!”
• A Baltimorean’s idea of a light snack is a crab cake the size of your head, with a side of Old Bay.
• “Hon, that’s more confusing than trying to understand the parking signs in Fells Point.”
• A Baltimore love story: I knew they were the one when they didn’t put ketchup on their crab dip and knew the best place to get a Berger cookie.
• “Hon, that’s about as likely as the Ravens winning the Super Bowl…next year.”
• A Baltimorean’s favorite sport? Arguing about which neighborhood has the best crab cakes and then complaining about the O’s.
• “I’m gonna grab a sub, or a hoagie, or whatever you call it, and then I’m gonna go watch the O’s, and then I’m gonna try to find parking, and then I’m gonna start all over again tomorrow, but it’s still going to be worth it.”
• They say Baltimore is gritty, but I think it’s just well-seasoned with Old Bay, and a healthy dose of “hon.”
• “Hon, that’s more confusing than trying to find a parking spot in Hampden on a Saturday.”
• You know you’re from Baltimore when your car alarm is just a recording of someone yelling “Get outta the way, hon!”
• “If you can’t find a parking spot in Federal Hill, then you are probably going to have to walk, and then you are going to be late, and then you are going to have to find a place to charge your phone, and then you are going to start all over again tomorrow, and then you are going to try to find parking again, and then you are going to realize you forgot your hat.”
• A Baltimorean’s idea of a “quick trip” is a 45-minute drive to a different part of the city, but with slightly less traffic and a slightly better view of the harbor, and then they stop for crab cakes.
• “Hon, that’s about as exciting as watching paint dry, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home.”
• They say Baltimore is the city of neighborhoods, but I think it’s just a collection of parking lots and crab cake shops, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.
• “Hon, that’s more confusing than trying to parallel park on a hill in Hampden.”

Unique Baltimore Sayings: Expressions You Won’t Hear Anywhere Else

Baltimore’s got its own language, you know? Forget “y’all,” we say “hon.” From “slippy” sidewalks to “redd up” rooms, our sayings are unique. These aren’t just jokes; they’re a glimpse into our culture. You won’t hear these phrases anywhere else, making Baltimore slang a special part of our charm.

• “That’s about as likely as the O’s winning the World Series… this century, hon.”
• “He’s got more opinions than a Baltimorean at a crab feast.”
• “Don’t get your knickers in a twist, hon, it’s just a little traffic.”
• “She’s so bougie, she probably puts Old Bay on her avocado toast.”
• “He’s got a Bawlmer accent thicker than a pit beef sandwich, and he says ‘hon’ after every sentence.”
• “That’s about as smart as trying to order a Yuengling at a Ravens game.”
• “He’s more lost than a tourist trying to find parking in Fells Point on a Saturday night, and also, he forgot his portable charger.”
• “The only thing stronger than a Baltimore accent is the smell of Old Bay on a hot summer day.”
• “She’s got a mouth like a sailor, and a heart like a crab cake, with a side of Old Bay.”
• “That’s more confusing than trying to understand the parking signs in Hampden, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home.”
• “He’s got more opinions than a Baltimorean at a Natty Boh tasting, and they are all very strong opinions, and also, they are all probably about the O’s.”
• “That’s about as likely as finding a parking spot in Hampden on HonFest weekend, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home.”
• “Hon, that’s about as exciting as watching paint dry, and then trying to find parking near the harbor, and then you realize you forgot your hat, and then you have to start all over again tomorrow, but you should probably get a crab cake anyway.”
• “That’s about as likely as finding a vegan restaurant that serves sweet tea in Little Italy, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• “She’s got a heart of gold, and a mouth that can make a sailor blush, and also, she knows where to find the best crab cakes, and also, she knows where to find free parking.”

Baltimore Humor: A Blend of Wit and Charm

Baltimore humor, like its beloved sayings, is a special mix. It’s got a playful wit, often self-deprecating, delivered with a disarming charm. You’ll hear quick jokes about the city’s quirks, or maybe a classic Bawlmer accent punchline. It’s humor born from a place that doesn’t take itself too seriously, and…

• “Hon, that’s about as likely as the Ravens winning the Super Bowl next year, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan.”
• “You know you’re a true Baltimorean when you can give directions using only the names of defunct corner stores, the general direction of the nearest crab house, and the phrase ‘down by the harbor, hon’.”
• “My favorite Baltimore workout? Trying to find a parking spot in Little Italy on a weekend, and then walking to get a cannoli, and then trying to find a place to sit and eat it, and then trying to find my way back to my car, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, and also, I should probably have a portable charger.”
• I tried to order a small coffee in Baltimore, they handed me a Natty Boh can filled to the brim.
• “A Baltimorean’s idea of a ‘quick trip’ is a 45-minute drive to a different part of the city, but with better parking, and a slightly less crowded farmer’s market.”
• The only thing more unpredictable than the weather is the availability of parking in Fells Point, and the availability of a good crab cake, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.
• You know you’re a Baltimore local when you can give directions using only the names of neighborhoods, the general direction of the nearest harbor, and the phrase, “just past the place where you can get a good pit beef, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• I tried to have a picnic in Patterson Park, but the pigeons formed a committee and demanded a piece of my crab chips, and also, they started complaining about the O’s.
• “My favorite Baltimore workout? Trying to find a parking spot during Artscape, and then walking to the festival, and then trying to find a place to sit, and then trying to find a place to get a beer, and then trying to find my way back to my car, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow.”
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Baltimorean, so I started wearing an Orioles jersey to therapy and talking about the latest crab house openings, and then asked if they wanted to go to a game, and then we did, but first we had to try to find parking, and then we had to try to find a place to get a crab cake, and then we had to try to figure out how to get home, and then we realized we forgot our portable charger.
• “I’m not saying the portions are big, but my plate of crab fries came with its own zip code, and a side of Old Bay that was bigger than my head, and then I tried to find parking, and then I realized I forgot my portable charger, and then I had to start all over again tomorrow, and also, I forgot my hat.”
• They say Baltimore is where young people go to retire, I guess all the crab cakes and Natty Boh make sense then, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they are trying to find parking, or a new crab house, or a new brewery, or the best place to lock their bike, and also, they all have a portable charger.
• “My sourdough starter is more high-maintenance than my dating life in Hampden, and it judges my choice of Old Bay, and also, it has opinions about my new Ravens hat.”
• A Baltimorean’s favorite pastime is complaining about how crowded it is, while simultaneously contributing to the crowd at the Inner Harbor, and then complaining about the traffic, and then trying to find a place to park.
• “Wicked smaht” isn’t just a phrase in Boston; it’s a unit of measurement, and also, it’s a way to say that you know how to get around the city, and you know where to find the best crab cakes, and you know how to find parking near the harbor, and also, you have a portable charger.

Regional Baltimore Jokes: Specific to the Area

Baltimore jokes? Oh, they’re a special breed. We’re not just talking crab cakes and Hon! We’ve got jokes about specific neighborhoods, the “accent,” and even the Inner Harbor’s unique charm. These local jabs are how we connect, laugh at ourselves, and celebrate the quirky side of our beloved city. It’s…

• You know you’re from Baltimore when a “light snack” is a crab cake the size of your head, a bag of Utz crab chips, and a Natty Boh.
• “Hon, that’s about as likely as finding a parking spot in Canton on a Saturday night, and also, you should probably just take the water taxi, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when you get lost.”
• A Baltimorean’s idea of a “quick trip” is a 45-minute drive to a different part of the city, but with slightly better parking and a slightly less crowded farmers market, and you should probably have some cash for a pit beef sandwich.
• “He’s got more opinions than a Baltimorean at a Ravens tailgate, and they are all very strong opinions about the best way to make crab cakes, and also, they are all probably about the O’s.”
• They say the Inner Harbor is beautiful, but I think it’s just a really long parking lot for boats, and also, a really good place to get a crab cake, and also, a really good place to get lost, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.
• “That’s more confusing than trying to understand the parking signs in Fells Point, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home.”
• A Baltimorean’s idea of a “balanced diet” is a crab cake in one hand, a Berger cookie in the other, and a Natty Boh to wash it all down.
• “Hon, that’s about as exciting as watching paint dry, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably just take the light rail, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake.”
• Baltimore weather forecast: Expect humidity, a sudden craving for seafood, and the distinct possibility of needing both a t-shirt and a light jacket, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to find parking near the harbor.
• A Baltimorean’s favorite sport? Arguing about which neighborhood has the best crab cakes and then complaining about the O’s, and then trying to find parking near the stadium.
• “I’m not saying the music scene is big, but my Uber driver just handed me his band’s demo and asked if I wanted to be their roadie, and then he asked if I knew where to find parking near the venue, and also, if I knew where to get a good sub.”
• “Hon, that’s about as likely as the Ravens winning the Super Bowl next year, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.”
• You know you’re a true Baltimorean when you can give directions using only the names of defunct corner stores, the general direction of the nearest crab house, and the phrase “down by the harbor, hon,” and then you should probably try to find parking, and then you should probably get a crab cake.
• “He’s got more opinions than a Baltimorean at a Natty Boh tasting, and they are all very strong opinions about which neighborhood has the best crab cakes, and also, they are all probably about the O’s, and also, they are probably about the traffic.”
• “I’m gonna go grab a sub, or a hoagie, or whatever you call it, and then I’m gonna go watch the O’s, and then I’m gonna try to find parking, and then I’m going to start all over again tomorrow, and then I’m going to forget my hat, and then I’m going to try to find parking again.”

“Hon” Sayings: A Baltimore Staple of Affection

“Hon,” a Baltimore term of endearment, isn’t just a word; it’s a warm hug in sound. Used liberally by locals, it bridges conversations with a friendly, familiar tone. It’s a staple of Baltimorean charm, reflecting a culture that values connection and good humor, often appearing in local jokes and stories.

• “Hon, that’s about as likely as finding a parking spot in Hampden on a Saturday, and also, you should probably just take the bus, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.”
• “Don’t get your knickers in a twist, hon, it’s just a little traffic, we’ve seen worse on 695.”
• “Hon, you’re more lost than a tourist trying to find parking in Little Italy on a weekend, and also, you probably forgot your portable charger.”
• “You’ve got more opinions than a Baltimorean at a Natty Boh tasting, and also, you should probably try the crab cakes at this place, they’re wicked good.”
• “Hon, that’s about as exciting as watching paint dry, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake, and also, you should probably just take the water taxi.”
• “Hon, that’s more confusing than trying to understand the parking signs in Fells Point, and also, you should probably just take the light rail.”
• “You’re sweeter than a Berger cookie, hon, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home.”
• “Hon, that’s about as likely as the Ravens winning the Super Bowl next year, and also, you should probably just get a Natty Boh.”
• “Hon, that’s about as likely as finding a vegan restaurant that serves sweet tea in Little Italy, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake.”
• “Hon, you’re gonna have to try harder than that, that’s about as bland as a plain bagel with nothing on it, and also, you should probably get a crab cake.”
• “Don’t get your knickers in a twist, hon, it’s just a little rain, we’ve seen worse, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home.”
• “Hon, that’s about as likely as finding a parking spot near the Inner Harbor on a Saturday, and also, you should probably just take the water taxi, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.”
• “Hon, you’re more precious than a pit beef sandwich, but also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably get a crab cake.”
• “Hon, you’re more lost than a tourist trying to find parking at a Ravens game, and also, you should probably just ask a local for directions.”
• “Hon, you’re as sweet as a peach, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably get a crab cake.”

Baltimore Wordplay: Puns and Phrases from the City

Baltimore Wordplay isn’t just a book; it’s a dive into the city’s quirky humor. From clever puns about local landmarks to phrases only a true Baltimorian understands, it captures the essence of our unique dialect. It’s a hilarious companion to any collection of Baltimore sayings and jokes, revealing the wit…

• “Hon, that’s about as likely as finding a parking spot in Hampden on a Saturday, and also, you should probably just take the bus, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake and call it a day.”
• You know you’re a true Baltimorean when you can give directions using only the names of defunct corner stores, the general direction of the nearest crab house, and the phrase “down by the harbor, hon, but you should probably just take the water taxi, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.”
• “He’s got more opinions than a Baltimorean at a Ravens tailgate, and they are all very strong opinions about which neighborhood has the best crab cakes, and also, they are all probably about the O’s.”
• A Baltimorean’s idea of a “quick trip” is a 45-minute drive to a different part of the city, but with better parking, and a slightly less crowded farmers market, and also, you should probably get a pit beef sandwich.
• “Hon, that’s about as exciting as watching paint dry, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake and call it a day.”
• “You know you’re a true Baltimorean when you can give directions using only the names of defunct corner stores, the general direction of the nearest crab house, and the phrase ‘down by the harbor, hon,’ and then you should probably try to find parking, and then you should probably get a crab cake, and then you should probably have a Natty Boh.”
• “Hon, that’s about as likely as the Ravens winning the Super Bowl next year, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably just get a Natty Boh, and then you should probably just get a crab cake.”
• “Hon, that’s more confusing than trying to understand the parking signs in Fells Point, and also, you should probably just take the light rail, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake.”
• “He’s got more opinions than a Baltimorean at a Natty Boh tasting, and they are all very strong opinions about the best way to make crab cakes, and also, they are all probably about the O’s, and also, they are probably about the traffic, and also, they are all probably about the best place to find parking.”
• “You’re sweeter than a Berger cookie, hon, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake, and then you should probably just get a Natty Boh.”
• “Hon, you’re more lost than a tourist trying to find parking in Little Italy on a Saturday night, and also, you probably forgot your portable charger, and also, you should probably just get a cannoli, and also, you should probably just take the water taxi, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• “Hon, that’s about as likely as finding a vegan restaurant that serves sweet tea in Little Italy, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake, and also, you should probably just take the water taxi, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably just get a Natty Boh.”
• “Hon, that’s about as likely as finding a parking spot near the Inner Harbor on a Saturday, and also, you should probably just take the water taxi, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake, and also, you should probably just get a Natty Boh.”
• “Hon, that’s more confusing than trying to parallel park on a hill in Hampden, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake, and also, you should probably just take the bus, and also, you should probably just get a Natty Boh.”
• “Hon, that’s more confusing than trying to parallel park on a hill in Fells Point, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake, and also, you should probably just take the water taxi, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.”

Making Sense of Baltimorean Jokes: Cultural Understanding

Baltimore jokes can be baffling if you’re not from around here. They often rely on local quirks, like our unique accent and love for certain foods. Understanding these jokes requires a peek into Baltimore culture – the shared experiences, history, and even frustrations that make us laugh. It’s a language…

• A Baltimorean’s idea of a “light snack” is a crab cake the size of your face and a side of Old Bay that could season a small country.
• You know you’re a true Baltimorean when you can give directions using only the names of defunct breweries, the general direction of the nearest place to get a pit beef, and the phrase, “down by the harbor, hon, and good luck finding parking.”
• “Hon, that’s about as likely as finding a parking spot in Fells Point on a Saturday night, and also, you should probably just take the water taxi.”
• My car has developed a Baltimore accent; it now only makes left turns from the right lane and yells, “Get outta the way, hon!” at other drivers.
• A Baltimorean’s dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates a good crab feast, doesn’t mind a little bit of grit, and can navigate the one-way streets downtown, and also, has a portable charger.
• “That’s about as exciting as watching paint dry, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably get a pit beef sandwich.”
• A Baltimorean’s favorite sport? Arguing about which neighborhood has the best crab cakes, and then complaining about the O’s, and then trying to find parking near the harbor.
• My Baltimore apartment is so small, I have to go to the Inner Harbor to feel like I have some space to breathe, and then I have to try to find parking, and then I have to find a place to charge my phone, and then I realize I forgot my hat, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow.
• You know you’re in Baltimore when a conversation about the weather includes a detailed discussion about the humidity, the pollen count, and whether or not the O’s are playing tonight.
• “Hon, you’re more precious than a Berger cookie, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake, and also, you should probably just take the water taxi, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably just get a Natty Boh.”
• A Baltimorean’s idea of a “quick trip” is a 45-minute drive to a different part of the city, but with better parking, and a slightly less crowded farmer’s market, and also, you should probably have some cash for a pit beef sandwich.
• “He’s got more opinions than a Baltimorean at a Ravens tailgate, and they are all very strong opinions about which neighborhood has the best crab cakes, and also, they are all probably about the O’s, and also, they are probably about the traffic, and also, they are probably about the parking.”
• They say Baltimore is gritty, but I think it’s just well-seasoned with Old Bay, and a healthy dose of “hon,” and also, a really good data plan for when you are trying to find parking, and a portable charger.
• “The only thing more consistent than a Baltimore accent is the lingering smell of Old Bay, and the knowledge that you will never find parking downtown, but you should probably just get a crab cake anyway.”
• “Hon, that’s about as likely as finding a vegan restaurant that serves sweet tea in Little Italy, and also, you should probably just get a crab cake, and also, you should probably just take the water taxi, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably just get a Natty Boh.”