150 Best Arlington Sayings and Jokes You Need to Know

Ever heard the one about the traffic on I-66? If you live in or around Arlington, Virginia, you probably have! We’re diving deep into the local humor with a collection of Arlington sayings and jokes that only true residents will truly understand. Get ready to chuckle, nod in agreement, and maybe even learn a new phrase or two.

From navigating the Pentagon City metro stop to the eternal debate of which farmers market is best, Arlington life comes with its own unique quirks. These sayings and jokes perfectly capture the everyday experiences of our community. Prepare to see your own life reflected in these lighthearted anecdotes.

Best Arlington Sayings and Jokes You Need to Know

• Why did the tourist get lost in Arlington? He couldn’t find his way through the endless rows of headstones, he said he felt like he was in a really long waiting line.
• An Arlington resident says, “I’ve lived here so long, I’ve seen the Metro construction start, stall, and restart… twice!”
• What’s Arlington’s favorite type of music? ‘Monumental’ hits!
• I tried to explain Arlington’s traffic to a friend from out of town; I just ended up making car horn noises for 20 minutes.
• Only in Arlington can you find a perfectly manicured lawn right next to a national monument…it’s a juxtaposition, or as my neighbor calls it, “Tuesday.”
• Arlington: where the only thing more competitive than the housing market is finding a parking spot.
• My Arlington apartment is so small, I have to go outside to change my mind.
• Someone told me Arlington was a quiet place; they clearly haven’t tried to have a conversation at the Ballston Metro during rush hour.
• Arlington’s unofficial motto: “We’re close to everything, but getting there is another story.”
• What do you call a group of squirrels in Arlington? A ‘Nutty’ committee.
• Why did the Arlington dog get a ticket? He was caught jaywalking across the Pentagon parking lot.
• An Arlington foodie’s biggest fear? A restaurant running out of avocado toast.
• Heard Arlington’s new yoga studio is opening; it’s located in a roundabout, so the poses are extra challenging.
• “I’m not saying Arlington is expensive, but my rent check just asked me for a loan.”
• The best thing about living in Arlington? Having the capital within spitting distance, the worst thing? Trying to spit that far.

Arlington Sayings: A Local Lexicon

Ever wondered what “Arlington Time” really means? Dive into “Arlington Sayings: A Local Lexicon,” a fun guide within “Arlington Sayings and Jokes.” It’s a collection of quirky phrases and local lingo that will have you speaking like a true Arlingtonian in no time. Discover the hidden humor and unique expressions…

• Arlington’s idea of a “quick trip” is a drive to three different farmers markets, just to compare the peaches, and then you get lost trying to find parking, and then you realize you forgot your reusable water bottle.
• You know you’re in Arlington when a conversation about the weather includes a detailed discussion about the pollen count, the humidity, and whether or not it’s a good day to visit the Pentagon, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a hat.
• Arlington dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates a good walk along the Potomac, doesn’t mind a little traffic, and can navigate the Pentagon without getting dizzy, and also has a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking near a museum.
• “Hon, that’s about as exciting as watching the Pentagon get a new coat of paint, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home.”
• I tried to find a quiet spot in Arlington, but ended up in a staring contest with a pigeon outside the Pentagon, and then I bought a t-shirt.
• Arlington: Where “a few minutes away” can mean anything from five minutes to an hour, depending on the traffic on the GW Parkway, and if there is a protest going on, and if the Pentagon is open, and if the parking is even remotely close, and also, if you have a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home.
• Arlington is so flat, you could watch your phone battery die for three days, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a good data plan.
• Arlington drivers use turn signals like they’re optional features on a government issued vehicle.
• “Why did the Arlington tourist refuse to visit the Pentagon? Because it was too mainstream.”
• Arlington dating profile: Seeking someone who enjoys long walks around the monuments, doesn’t mind a little traffic, and can navigate a roundabout without getting dizzy, and also has a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking near the Iwo Jima Memorial.
• You know you’re an Arlingtonian when you can navigate a protest with your eyes closed and a reusable water bottle in hand.
• Arlington weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden downpour, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a rain jacket, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a good sense of humor about the traffic, and also, you should probably have a hat, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home.
• My favorite Arlington workout? Trying to find a parking spot near the Iwo Jima Memorial on a Saturday night, and then trying to find a place to sit, and then trying to find a place to get a craft beer, and then trying to find my way back to my car, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow.
• A Arlington resident’s idea of a “light snack” is a half-smoke, a bag of Old Bay chips, and a bottled water, and then they complain about the traffic, and then they realize they forgot their portable charger.
• “You know you’re in Arlington when someone asks if your coffee is ethically sourced, and then asks if they can borrow your bike lock, and then they ask if you know where to find parking that is free, and then they ask if you have a portable charger, and also, they ask if you know the best place to see the monuments, and then they ask if you want to start a protest, and also, they ask if you want to go to a farmers market.”

Arlington Jokes: Finding Humor in the DMV

Arlington, a bustling part of the DMV, inspires its own brand of humor. “Arlington Jokes” captures the quirks of navigating its traffic, the unique blend of urban and suburban life, and the occasional oddity of its residents. It’s all part of the local lore, a way to laugh at the…

• Arlington: Where the only thing more confusing than the traffic circles is trying to figure out what a “BRAC” is.
• My Arlington apartment is so close to the Pentagon, my houseplants are starting to whisper secrets and demand a security clearance.
• I tried to have a picnic in Arlington, but the helicopters kept photobombing my sandwiches.
• You know you’re an Arlingtonian when you can navigate a roundabout with your eyes closed, a reusable water bottle in one hand and a portable charger in the other.
• An Arlington resident’s idea of a “quick trip” is a 30 minute drive to a different part of the city, but with a slightly better view of the monuments and a new coffee shop to try.
• My Arlington car alarm is just a recording of someone saying, “Excuse me, are you waiting for a parking spot?” followed by a frustrated sigh, and then a scooter whizzing by.
• Arlington’s dating scene is like the Pentagon; a lot of layers, a little bit confusing, and you’re never quite sure where you’re going.
• Arlington drivers treat lane lines as suggestions, and speed limits as a personal challenge, and turn signals as a relic from a bygone era.
• You know you’re in Arlington when a casual stroll turns into a history lesson about the Revolutionary War, and then you realize you forgot your phone charger.
• Arlington: Where the question isn’t “What do you do?” but “What’s your security clearance, and do you have a really good data plan?”
• My favorite Arlington workout is trying to find a parking spot near the Pentagon on a Saturday night, and then trying to figure out how to get back to the highway.
• Arlington weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden urge to visit a museum, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a rain jacket, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.
• They say Arlington is a quiet town, but I think it’s more like a town that’s just perpetually stuck in a traffic circle, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• “I’m not saying I’m bad at navigating Arlington, but I’m starting to think the Pentagon is a lot bigger than I thought… or maybe I just keep making the same wrong turn into a parking garage.”
• Arlington: Where the only thing more complicated than the government is the parking situation near the monuments, and also, you should probably have a hat, and a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when you get lost.

Exploring the Roots of Arlington Sayings

Ever wondered where those quirky Arlington sayings come from? We’re diving deep into the roots of our local lingo, uncovering the stories behind the jokes and phrases that make our community unique. From old neighborhood nicknames to inside references, it’s a fun exploration of what makes Arlington, well, Arlington!

• Arlington: Where the traffic circles are a metaphor for life, you go around and around and you end up right back where you started, and then you try to find parking.
• “Just a few minutes away” in Arlington time is a flexible concept, usually involving a detour through a traffic circle, and then a stop at a museum, and then you realize you forgot your hat.
• Arlington’s idea of a “quick errand” is a 20-minute drive to a different part of the city, followed by a 20 minute search for parking, and then you realize you forgot your portable charger.
• Arlington drivers treat lane lines like they’re optional features on a government-issued vehicle and speed limits like a suggestion from a tourist.
• “You know you’re an Arlington local when you can give directions using only the names of different government buildings, the general direction of the nearest traffic circle, and the phrase, ‘just past the Pentagon, and you should probably have a really good data plan, and a portable charger for when you get lost trying to figure out how to get back to your car, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.'”
• Arlington dating profile: Seeking someone who enjoys long walks around the monuments, doesn’t mind a little traffic, and can navigate a roundabout without getting dizzy, and also has a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking near a museum.
• Arlington: Where the question isn’t “What do you do?” but “What’s your security clearance, and do you have a really good data plan?”
• My favorite Arlington workout? Trying to find a parking spot near the Pentagon on a Saturday night, and then trying to find a place to sit, and then trying to find a place to get a craft beer, and then trying to figure out how to get back to my car, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow.
• “I’m not saying I’m a bad driver,” the Arlington resident muttered, “but I think my GPS just suggested I take a detour through the Pentagon to avoid the traffic, and then I had to try to figure out how to get back to the highway, and then I realized I forgot my hat.”
• Arlington weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden urge to visit a monument, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a rain jacket, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.
• Arlington: Where the only thing more confusing than the traffic circles is trying to figure out what a “BRAC” is.
• My Arlington car alarm is just a recording of someone saying “Excuse me, are you waiting for a parking spot?” followed by a frustrated sigh, and then a scooter whizzing by.
• Arlington is so flat, you could watch your phone battery die for three days, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back to your car.
• They say Arlington is a quiet town, but I think it’s more like a town that’s just perpetually stuck in a traffic circle, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• “Arlington smart” is a way of saying, “I know more than you, and I also have a really good data plan for when I’m trying to find parking near the Pentagon.”

Arlington Humor: The Inside Jokes

Arlington’s humor is a unique breed, full of inside jokes only locals truly grasp. We’ve got our sayings, like “traffic’s just a suggestion,” and jokes about the Pentagon’s endless renovations. It’s a shared language, born from navigating our specific quirks and challenges, making us laugh together at the things only…

• Arlington traffic circles: where you enter with a destination and leave with a mystery, and probably a new phone charger.
• An Arlington resident’s idea of a “quick trip” is a 20-minute drive to a different part of the city, followed by a 20-minute search for parking, and then you realize you forgot your reusable water bottle.
• Arlington’s favorite game? Spot the tourist who is trying to figure out a traffic circle, and then ask if they have a portable charger.
• “Arlington nice” is a way of saying, “I’m not going to cut you off in traffic, but I’m definitely judging your parallel parking skills.”
• Arlington dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates a good museum, doesn’t mind a little traffic, and can navigate a roundabout without getting dizzy, and also, has a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking near the Pentagon, and a portable charger, and a backup plan for their bike.
• An Arlington dog walks into a pet store and asks for an organic, locally made, vegan treat, and then asks if they validate parking for bikes, and then asks if they have a portable charger, and then asks if they have a really good data plan, and also, if they have a map of all the dog friendly parks in the area.
• You know you’re an Arlington local when you can give directions using only the names of different government buildings, the general direction of the nearest traffic circle, and the phrase, “just past the Pentagon, and then you should probably have a really good data plan, and a portable charger for when you get lost trying to figure out how to get back to your car.”
• An Arlington resident’s biggest fear? A day without sunshine, a museum running out of their favorite exhibit, and also, a bad data signal when trying to find parking near the Pentagon, and also, running into someone they know while wearing athleisure, and also, not having a portable charger, and also, not having a hat, and also, not having a backup plan for their bike.
• Arlington weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden urge to visit a monument, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a rain jacket, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get around the construction, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• My Arlington car alarm is just a recording of someone saying, “Excuse me, are you waiting for a parking spot?” followed by a frustrated sigh, and then a scooter whizzing by, and then someone saying, “Do you have a portable charger?”.
• My favorite Arlington workout? Trying to find a parking spot near the Pentagon on a Saturday night, and then trying to find a place to sit, and then trying to find a place to get a craft beer, and then trying to find my way back to my car, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, and then I realize I forgot my hat, and then I have to try to find parking again, and then I realize I forgot my portable charger, and then I have to try to figure out how to get back home.
• Arlington: Where the question isn’t “What do you do?” but “What’s your security clearance, and do you have a really good data plan, and a portable charger, and a backup plan for your bike?”
• “I’m not saying I’m a bad navigator,” the Arlington resident muttered, “but I think my GPS just suggested I take a detour through a museum to avoid the traffic, and also, it suggested I get a coffee.”
• Arlington drivers treat lane lines like they’re optional features on a government-issued vehicle, and speed limits as a suggestion from a tourist, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they are trying to figure out how to get back to the highway, and also, they all have a portable charger.
• Arlington is so flat, you could watch your phone battery die for three days, and still not be able to find a charging port, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back to your car, and also, you should probably have a hat, and a backup plan for your bike, and a map of all the monuments in the area.

Unique Arlington Sayings: Beyond the Beltway

Arlington’s got its own rhythm, beyond the usual DC chatter. Forget “inside the Beltway,” we’ve got sayings like “that’s so Clarendon” or “meet me at Pentagon Row.” These aren’t just jokes; they’re little clues to understanding our quirky, fast-paced community. It’s a language only we truly speak.

• “Arlington time” is a flexible concept, usually involving a detour through a traffic circle and a spontaneous stop at a government building.
• An Arlington resident’s idea of a “quick trip” is a drive to three different monuments, just to compare the obelisks, and then they get lost trying to find parking.
• They say the best way to explore Arlington is on a bike. I’ve found it’s also the best way to avoid the endless traffic circles, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home.
• “Arlington nice” is a way of saying, “I’m not going to cut you off in traffic, but I’m definitely judging your parallel parking skills, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan for when you get lost trying to find your way back to the Pentagon.”
• My Arlington car alarm is just a recording of someone saying, “Excuse me, are you waiting for a parking spot?” followed by a frustrated sigh, and then a scooter whizzing by, and then someone asking if you have a portable charger and a hat, and a good data plan.
• “Arlington casual” is a way of saying, “I’m comfortable, I’m stylish, and I’m probably wearing something that can withstand a sudden downpour, and also, I know where to find the best coffee near the monuments.”
• You know you’re an Arlington local when you can give directions using only the names of different government buildings, the general direction of the nearest traffic circle, and the phrase, “just past the Pentagon, and you should probably have a really good data plan, and a portable charger for when you get lost trying to figure out how to get back to your car, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• My Arlington dating profile picture is just me standing in front of a monument, because honestly, what else is there? And also, I have a portable charger for when my phone dies because I was trying to find parking, and a really good data plan for when I get lost trying to figure out how to get back to my car.
• Arlington drivers treat lane lines like they are optional features on a government issued vehicle, and speed limits like a suggestion from a tourist, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they get lost trying to find a parking spot near the Pentagon, and also, they all have a backup plan for their bike, and also, they should probably have a hat.
• Arlington’s biggest fear? A day without sunshine, and also, a monument running out of space for more tourists, and also, a bad data signal when trying to find parking near the Pentagon, and also, running into someone they know while wearing athleisure, and also, running out of phone battery, and also, having to actually pay for parking, and also, running out of coffee, and also, not having a map of all the government buildings in the area, and also, not having a backup plan for their bike, and also, they should probably have a hat.
• Arlington: Where the question isn’t “What do you do?” but “What’s your security clearance?”
• “Arlington is so flat, you could watch your phone battery die for three days and still not be able to find a charging port, and also, you should probably have a hat, and a portable fan, and a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you get lost trying to figure out how to get back to your car.”
• My Arlington car alarm is just a recording of someone saying “Excuse me, are you waiting for a parking spot?” followed by a frustrated sigh, and then a scooter whizzing by, and then someone asking if you have a portable charger, and a really good data plan, and a map of all the monuments in the area, and a backup plan for your bike.
• My favorite Arlington workout? Trying to find a parking spot near the Iwo Jima Memorial on a Saturday night, and then trying to find a place to sit, and then trying to find a place to get a craft beer, and then trying to find my way back to my car, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, and then I realize I forgot my hat, and then I have to try to find parking again, and then I realize I forgot my portable charger.
• “You know you’re an Arlington local when you can give directions using only the names of different government buildings, the general direction of the nearest traffic circle, and the phrase, ‘just past the Pentagon, and you should probably have a really good data plan, and a portable charger for when you get lost trying to figure out how to get back to your car, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and also, you should probably have a hat, and a good sense of humor about the traffic.”

Arlington Jokes: A Blend of City and Suburb

Arlington jokes capture the quirky blend of city life and suburban calm. You’ll hear about navigating traffic circles, the eternal debate of Ballston versus Clarendon, and maybe even a friendly jab at the Pentagon. It’s all part of the unique Arlington experience, reflected in our local humor.

• “Arlington nice” is a way of saying, “I’m not going to cut you off in traffic, but I’m definitely judging your parallel parking skills, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when you get lost trying to figure out how to get back to your car, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• An Arlington resident’s idea of a “quick trip” is a drive to three different government buildings, just to compare the architecture, and then you get lost trying to find parking, and then you realize you forgot your reusable water bottle, and then you have to figure out how to get back home.
• You know you’re an Arlington local when you can give directions using only the names of different government buildings, the general direction of the nearest traffic circle, and the phrase, “just past the Pentagon, and you should probably have a really good data plan, and a portable charger for when you get lost trying to figure out how to get back to your car, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• “My Arlington car alarm is just a recording of someone saying ‘Excuse me, are you waiting for a parking spot?’ followed by a frustrated sigh, and then a scooter whizzing by, and then someone asking if you have a portable charger, and also, if you have a map of all the monuments in the area, and also, if you know where to find a good cup of coffee.”
• Arlington dating profile: Seeking someone who enjoys long walks around the monuments, doesn’t mind a little traffic, and can navigate a roundabout without getting dizzy, and also has a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking near the Iwo Jima Memorial, and also, they should probably have a backup plan for their bike, and also, they should probably have a hat, and a good sense of humor about the traffic.
• Arlington: Where the question isn’t “What do you do?” but “What’s your security clearance, and do you have a really good data plan, and a portable charger?”
• “Arlington is so flat, you could watch your phone battery die for three days, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back to your car.”
• “Arlington smart” is a lifestyle, an identity, and a way of saying “I know more than you, and I also have a really good data plan for when I’m trying to figure out how to get back to my car.”
• “Arlington casual” is a way of saying “I’m comfortable, I’m stylish, and I’m probably wearing something that can withstand a sudden downpour, and also, I know where to find the best coffee near the monuments, and also, I have a portable charger.”
• Arlington drivers treat lane lines like they are optional features on a government issued vehicle, and speed limits like a suggestion from a tourist, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they get lost trying to find a parking spot near the Pentagon, and also, they all have a backup plan for their bike, and also, they should probably have a hat.
• An Arlington dog walks into a pet store and asks for an organic, locally made, vegan treat, and then asks if they validate parking for bikes, and then asks if they have a portable charger, and then asks if they have a really good data plan, and also, if they have a map of all the dog friendly parks in the area.
• Arlington: Where the only thing more confusing than the traffic circles is trying to figure out what a “BRAC” is.
• My favorite Arlington workout? Trying to find a parking spot near the Iwo Jima Memorial on a Saturday night, and then trying to find a place to sit, and then trying to find a place to get a craft beer, and then trying to find my way back to my car, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, and then I realize I forgot my hat, and then I have to try to find parking again, and then I realize I forgot my portable charger, and then I have to try to figure out how to get back home, and then I realize I forgot my bike lock.
• Arlington weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden urge to visit a monument, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a rain jacket, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get around the construction, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• “You know you’re an Arlington local when you can give directions using only the names of different government buildings, the general direction of the nearest traffic circle, and the phrase, ‘just past the Pentagon, and you should probably have a really good data plan, and a portable charger for when you get lost trying to figure out how to get back to your car, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and also, you should probably have a hat, and a good sense of humor about the traffic.”

Deciphering Arlington Sayings: What Do They Really Mean?

Ever wondered what folks really mean when they say “that’s Arlington”? Our new guide, “Deciphering Arlington Sayings,” dives into the unique local lingo. From playful jabs to inside jokes, we’ll unravel the meanings behind common phrases. Get ready to laugh and finally understand what’s *really* being said in Arlington!

• “A few minutes away” in Arlington means you’re either already there, or you’re still circling the Pentagon, wondering if you took the wrong exit, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.
• Arlington’s idea of a “quick trip” is a drive to three different government buildings, just to compare the architecture, and then you get lost trying to find parking, and then you realize you forgot your reusable water bottle.
• “Arlington nice” is a way of saying, “I’m not going to cut you off in traffic, but I’m definitely judging your parallel parking skills, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back to your car, and also, you should probably have a hat, and a backup plan for your bike, and a portable charger”.
• You know you’re an Arlington local when you can give directions using only the names of different government buildings, the general direction of the nearest traffic circle, and the phrase, “just past the Pentagon, and you should probably have a really good data plan, and a portable charger for when you get lost trying to figure out how to get back to your car.”
• Arlington drivers treat lane lines as suggestions, and speed limits as personal challenges from tourists.
• My Arlington car alarm is just a recording of someone saying, “Excuse me, are you waiting for a parking spot?” followed by a frustrated sigh, and then a scooter whizzing by.
• “Arlington smart” is a lifestyle, an identity, and a way of saying “I know more than you, and I also have a really good data plan for when I’m trying to find parking near the Pentagon.”
• Arlington: Where the question isn’t “What do you do?” but “What’s your security clearance, and do you have a really good data plan, and a portable charger, and a backup plan for your bike?”
• They say the best way to explore Arlington is on a bike. I’ve found it’s also the best way to avoid parallel parking, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan, and a portable charger for when you are trying to figure out how to get back to your car, and also, you should probably have a map of all the monuments in the area, and a backup plan for your bike.
• Arlington is so flat, you could watch your phone battery die for three days, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back to your car.
• Arlington weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden urge to visit a monument, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a rain jacket, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get around the construction, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• “My favorite Arlington workout? Trying to find a parking spot near the Iwo Jima Memorial on a Saturday night, and then trying to find a place to sit, and then trying to find a place to get a craft beer, and then trying to find my way back to my car, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, and then I realize I forgot my hat, and then I have to try to find parking again, and then I realize I forgot my portable charger.”
• An Arlington dog walks into a pet store and asks for an organic, locally made, vegan treat, and then asks if they validate parking for bikes, and then asks if they have a portable charger, and then asks if they have a really good data plan, and also, if they have a map of all the dog friendly parks in the area.
• “You know you’re an Arlington local when you can give directions using only the names of different government buildings, the general direction of the nearest traffic circle, and the phrase, ‘just past the Pentagon, and you should probably have a really good data plan, and a portable charger for when you get lost trying to figure out how to get back to your car, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and also, you should probably have a hat, and a good sense of humor about the traffic.'”
• Arlington: Where the question isn’t “What do you do?” but “What’s your security clearance, and do you have a portable charger?”

Arlington Jokes: Making Light of Local Life

“Arlington Jokes: Making Light of Local Life” captures the funny side of our town. From traffic woes on Wilson Boulevard to the never-ending debate about the best farmers market, these jokes reflect shared experiences. They’re a lighthearted way to connect, showing we can laugh at the quirks of Arlington life….

• “Arlington: Where ‘a quick trip’ can mean anything from five minutes to an hour, depending on how many government buildings you pass, and if you hit a traffic circle at the wrong time, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• My Arlington car alarm is just a recording of someone saying “Excuse me, are you waiting for a parking spot?” followed by a frustrated sigh, and then someone asking if you have a portable charger, and also, if you have a map of all the monuments in the area.
• You know you’re an Arlington local when you can give directions using only the names of different government buildings, the general direction of the nearest traffic circle, and the phrase, “just past the Pentagon.”
• Arlington’s idea of a balanced diet is a power lunch with a side of political gossip.
• “Arlington smart” is a way of saying, “I know more than you, and I also have a really good data plan for when I’m trying to find parking near the Pentagon, and a portable charger.”
• “Arlington nice” is a way of saying, “I’m not going to cut you off in traffic, but I’m definitely judging your parallel parking skills, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a hat, and a backup plan for your bike.”
• Arlington dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates long walks around monuments, doesn’t mind a little traffic, and can navigate a roundabout without getting dizzy, and also has a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking near a museum.
• Arlington: Where the question isn’t “What do you do?” but “What’s your security clearance, and do you have a really good data plan?”
• Arlington weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden urge to visit a monument, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a rain jacket, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.
• My favorite Arlington workout? Trying to find a parking spot near the Iwo Jima Memorial on a Saturday night, and then trying to figure out how to get back to the highway, and then I realize I forgot my hat.
• Arlington is so flat, you could watch your phone battery die for three days, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back to your car.
• Arlington: Where the only thing more confusing than the traffic circles is trying to figure out what a “BRAC” is.
• My Arlington car alarm is just a recording of someone saying “Excuse me, are you waiting for a parking spot?” followed by a frustrated sigh, and then a scooter whizzing by, and then someone asking if you have a portable charger.
• An Arlington dog walks into a pet store and asks for an organic, locally made, vegan treat, and then asks if they validate parking for bikes, and then asks if they have a portable charger, and then asks if they have a really good data plan, and then asks if they have a map of all the dog friendly parks in the area.
• “Arlington is so flat, you could watch your phone battery die for three days, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back to your car, and a hat, and a backup plan for your bike, and a map of all the monuments in the area.”