150 Best Dallas Sayings and Jokes You Gotta Hear To Believe

Ever heard a saying so Dallas it could only come from the Lone Star State’s biggest city? From “How ’bout them Cowboys!” to quirky local humor, Dallas has a language all its own. Get ready to dive into the heart of the Big D with our collection of Dallas sayings and jokes.

We’re exploring the unique expressions and funny quips that make Dallas, well, Dallas. Whether you’re a native or just curious about the local flavor, you’ll find something to chuckle at as we uncover the city’s charmingly Texan sense of humor.

Best Dallas Sayings and Jokes You Gotta Hear To Believe

• “Bless your heart, you’re more lost than a tourist trying to find parking at a Cowboys game.”
• Why did the Dallasite refuse to play cards? Because they always had a stacked deck of oil money.
• “Well, isn’t that just the biggest pile of tumbleweeds I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been to Plano.”
• A Dallasite walks into a coffee shop and orders a “venti iced whatever-the-latest-trend-is,” then asks if they validate parking.
• “If you can’t say something nice about Dallas traffic, come sit by me, we’ll have a therapy session.”
• What’s a Dallasite’s favorite kind of music? Anything they can play at a backyard barbecue while simultaneously discussing real estate prices.
• “I’m not saying Dallas is hot, but I saw a squirrel using a pothole as a personal swimming pool.”
• A Texan walks into a bar in Dallas, orders a drink, then asks, “Is this the place where they talk about football or the place where they talk about football?”
• “My car’s GPS is giving me the silent treatment because I asked it to find a road without construction in Dallas.”
• The difference between Dallas and a cactus? A cactus only has pricks on the outside.
• “That’s about as likely as finding a vegan restaurant that serves sweet tea in Dallas.”
• Why did the cowboy move to Dallas? He heard there were more opportunities to two-step… around potholes.
• “I love Dallas, it’s so big you can drive for hours and still be in Dallas. It’s like a city-sized maze, but with more boulevards.”
• A Dallasite says, “I’m going to be there in five minutes,” which translates to “I’m leaving my house in fifteen.”
• “That’s about as subtle as a Cowboys fan at a Rangers game.”

Dallas Sayings: A Unique Texan Vernacular

Dive into “Dallas Sayings and Jokes” and you’ll discover more than just laughs. “Dallas Sayings: A Unique Texan Vernacular” explores the city’s colorful speech. It’s a blend of classic Texas drawl and modern Dallas swagger. From “fixin’ to” to “all hat, no cattle,” you’ll learn the local lingo and understand…

• Dallas: Where “y’all” is a universal greeting, and “bless your heart” can be a compliment or a subtle insult, depending on the tone.
• My Dallas GPS just says, “Take the next service road, you’ll figure it out.”
• I tried to order a small coffee in Dallas, and they handed me a cowboy hat filled with it.
• You know you’re a Dallasite when you can navigate the Galleria mall without a map, but still get lost in the parking lot.
• Dallas traffic is like a box of chocolates; you never know how long you’ll be stuck, but you’re definitely getting a lot of it.
• They say everything’s bigger in Texas, and that includes the hair, the egos, and the number of lanes on the highway.
• A Dallasite’s idea of a balanced diet is barbecue in one hand, Tex-Mex in the other, and a sweet tea in between.
• My Dallas apartment is so small, my houseplants are starting to develop a complex.
• I’m not saying the drivers are bad, but I saw a guy parallel park using only his side mirror and a firm belief in Texas freedom.
• My car’s air conditioning is my best friend, my therapist, and the only reason I survive a Dallas summer.
• Dallas: Where the question isn’t “What’s for dinner?” but “Which patio are we hitting up tonight?”
• My Dallas dating life is like a rodeo, a lot of spinning around and eventually getting bucked off.
• Dallas weather: where the forecast is just a suggestion, and you should probably just dress for anything.
• A Dallasite’s idea of a ‘quick trip’ is a leisurely drive to three different barbecue joints, just to compare.
• I’m convinced the city’s official bird is the construction crane.

Dallas Jokes: Laughing at the Big D

“Dallas Jokes: Laughing at the Big D” explores the humorous side of Texas’s iconic city. From poking fun at its size and stereotypes to playful jabs at its residents, these jokes offer a lighthearted look at Dallas culture. It’s all part of the fun when discussing Dallas sayings and jokes,…

• My Dallas apartment is so small, my pet armadillo has to sleep in the hall.
• You know you’re a Dallasite when you consider a 45-minute commute “a quick jaunt.”
• I tried to order a small coffee in Dallas, they handed me a ten-gallon hat filled to the brim.
• Dallas weather: where the forecast is just a suggestion, and the humidity is a lifestyle choice.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Texan, so I started wearing cowboy boots to therapy and saying “howdy” to all my feelings, and then asked if they wanted some barbeque.
• A Dallasite’s idea of a ‘quick trip’ is driving to three different barbecue joints and comparing notes.
• Why did the tumbleweed cross the road in Dallas? To prove it could get across the highway faster than a car during rush hour.
• Dallas traffic: where the journey is the destination, and the destination is just another traffic jam.
• My car’s GPS in Dallas now just says, “Prepare for sudden lane changes and an overwhelming urge for Tex-Mex.”
• I’m not saying the portions are big, but my plate of chicken fried steak had its own zip code.
• You know you’re a Dallasite when you can navigate the North Dallas Tollway with your eyes closed, while simultaneously ordering a sweet tea.
• A Dallas dating profile: “Seeking someone who appreciates a good barbecue and isn’t afraid of a little traffic.”
• I tried to have a bad day in Dallas, but then a stranger said “howdy” and it was hard to stay grumpy.
• They say everything’s bigger in Texas, and that includes the egos, the hair, and the number of service roads on the highway.
• My blood type is now specifically sweet tea with a hint of barbecue sauce and a longing for Friday night football.

Decoding Dallas Slang: From Y’all to Howdy

Dallas isn’t just about big hair and bigger steaks; it’s got its own language! “Y’all” is just the start. We’ll explore how “howdy” isn’t just for cowboys, and uncover local phrases that’ll have you sounding like a true Dallasite in no time. Get ready to laugh and learn the city’s…

• My car’s GPS in Dallas now just says, “Yeehaw, you’re on your own, partner.”
• Dallas: Where ‘bless your heart’ can be a genuine sentiment or a well-disguised insult, depending on the drawl.
• I tried to order a small iced tea in Dallas, and they handed me a mason jar the size of my head.
• A Dallasite’s idea of a ‘quick bite’ is a full plate of barbecue with all the fixings, and a side of Texas toast.
• Dallas traffic: where the road lines are just suggestions and the blinker is a foreign concept.
• You know you’re a Dallasite when you can navigate a six-lane highway while simultaneously ordering a sweet tea and discussing the Cowboys.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Texan, so I started wearing cowboy boots to therapy and saying “howdy” to all my feelings, and then asked if they wanted to go to a rodeo.
• A tourist asked me where to find authentic Tex-Mex; I told them, “Just close your eyes and follow the smell of sizzling fajitas, you can’t go wrong.”
• Dallas dating: where the first question is always, “What’s your favorite barbecue joint?” and the second is, “Are you a Cowboys fan?”
• My blood type is now specifically brisket with a side of sweet tea and a healthy dose of “y’all.”
• I tried to have a bad day in Dallas, but then someone held the door open for me and said, “Howdy, ma’am,” and I just couldn’t stay grumpy.
• A Dallasite’s idea of a “light snack” is a plate of nachos that could feed a small family, and a large Dr Pepper.
• Dallas weather: where the forecast is just a suggestion, and you should probably just dress for both a heatwave and a sudden downpour.
• I’m convinced my car in Dallas is powered by pure, unadulterated Texan pride and the lingering smell of barbecue.
• Why did the tumbleweed move to Dallas? It heard there was a good chance it would end up on a highway median.

Dallas Humor: The City’s Funny Side

Dallas humor is a unique blend of Texas pride and self-deprecation. You’ll hear jokes about the big hair, the traffic, and the occasional over-the-top personalities. It’s a city that can laugh at itself, often with a drawl and a wink. From witty sayings to tall tales, Dallas has a funny…

• Dallas: where “a quick drive” can mean crossing three area codes and still being in the same city.
• My Dallas dating life is like the State Fair: lots of fried options, and you’re bound to get a little heartburn.
• I tried to order a small drink in Dallas, and they asked if I wanted it in a boot or a ten-gallon hat.
• You know you’re a Dallasite when you can describe the precise location of a barbecue joint using only highway numbers and the phrase “just past the big water tower.”
• Dallas traffic is proof that parallel universes exist, and yours is always the slow one.
• I’m not saying the portions are big, but my plate of chicken fried steak needed its own zip code.
• My Dallas GPS now just says, “Prepare for a sudden craving for Tex-Mex, and also, good luck.”
• A Dallasite’s idea of a ‘light snack’ is anything that requires at least two hands to hold.
• Why did the tumbleweed move to Dallas? It heard there were more opportunities for a scenic roll, and a photo op on the highway.
• Dallas: where “bless your heart” can be a genuine compliment or a thinly veiled insult, depending on the drawl.
• My car has started to develop a Dallas accent; it now says, “Howdy, partner” to every other car it passes, and then asks if they know where the nearest BBQ joint is.
• The secret to surviving a Dallas summer? Air conditioning, sweet tea, and a healthy disregard for personal space.
• A tourist asked me if everyone in Dallas wears cowboy boots. I said, “Only on days that end in ‘y’, and sometimes on Tuesdays.”
• You know you’ve met a true Dallasite when they can name all the best barbecue joints faster than they can find a parking spot at the mall, and they’ll insist on taking you to their favorite one.
• Dallas weather is like a game of ‘Texas Hold ‘Em’, you never know what kind of hand you’re going to be dealt, but it’s probably going to be hot.

Regional Dallas Sayings: Local Lingo Explained

Ever wondered what “fixin’ to” really means or why Dallasites say “all hat and no cattle”? “Regional Dallas Sayings: Local Lingo Explained” dives into the unique phrases that make Dallas, well, Dallas. It’s more than just talk; it’s the city’s personality, perfectly captured in its own jokes and sayings.

• My car’s GPS in Dallas now just says, “Prepare for a sudden craving for barbecue, and also, good luck finding parking.”
• A Dallasite’s idea of a “quick trip” is a leisurely drive to three different barbecue joints, just to compare the brisket.
• You know you’re a true Dallasite when you can navigate a six-lane highway while simultaneously ordering a sweet tea and discussing the Cowboys’ chances, and then find the perfect parking spot, somehow.
• Dallas traffic: where the only thing moving faster than the cars is the speed at which your patience evaporates.
• My attempt at a healthy lunch was thwarted by the siren call of a taco truck and the promise of a perfectly fried tortilla.
• They say everything’s bigger in Texas, and that includes the portions, the hair, and the number of times you hear someone say “y’all” in a single conversation, especially when ordering tacos.
• A Dallasite walks into a coffee shop and orders a “venti iced whatever-the-latest-trend-is,” then asks if they validate parking, and then asks for extra sugar.
• Dallas dating is like a rodeo: a lot of spinning around, some close calls, and eventually getting bucked off, but you still come back for more, eventually.
• My blood type is now specifically sweet tea with a hint of barbecue sauce and a longing for Friday night lights.
• You know you’re a Dallasite when you consider a 45-minute drive across town “just around the corner.”
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Texan, so I started wearing cowboy boots to therapy and saying “howdy” to all my feelings, and then asked if they wanted to go to a honky-tonk.
• Dallas weather forecast: Prepare for anything, but mostly heat, and maybe a random thunderstorm that will clear up in fifteen minutes.
• Dallas: where “bless your heart” is a versatile phrase that can mean anything from “I feel sorry for you” to “you’re an idiot,” depending on the tone.
• “That’s about as likely as finding a parking spot at Northpark Mall on a Saturday before noon.”
• A Dallasite’s idea of a ‘quick bite’ is a full plate of barbecue with all the fixings, a side of Texas toast, and a large sweet tea, and then maybe some cobbler.

Classic Dallas Jokes: Timeless Humor

Dive into “Classic Dallas Jokes: Timeless Humor,” a collection celebrating the city’s unique wit within “Dallas Sayings and Jokes.” Expect playful jabs at big hair, cowboys, and the occasional pretentious attitude. These aren’t just jokes; they’re a cultural snapshot, offering a lighthearted look at what makes Dallas, well, Dallas.

• Dallas: Where “the other side of town” can be a two-hour drive and still be in Dallas.
• My Dallas GPS is now just a recording of someone saying, “Well, bless your heart, you’re on your own now.”
• I tried to have a small glass of iced tea in Dallas, they brought me a pitcher and a straw the size of a pool noodle.
• You know you’re a Dallasite when you can navigate a six-lane highway while simultaneously ordering a sweet tea and discussing the Cowboys’ chances, and then get a parking spot right up front.
• Dallas dating: where the first question is always, “What part of town do you live in?” and the second is “Do you like barbecue?”
• Dallas traffic is like a box of chocolates, you never know what kind of delay you’re going to get, but you’re definitely getting a lot of it.
• A Dallasite’s idea of a “quick trip” is a leisurely drive to three different barbecue places, just to compare the sides.
• My car’s air conditioning in Dallas isn’t just a luxury, it’s a survival mechanism, and a valid emotional support system.
• They say everything’s bigger in Texas, and that includes the portions, the hair, and the number of times you hear “y’all” in a single conversation while ordering food.
• I tried to order a ‘small’ anything in Dallas, they just laughed and said, “Honey, that ain’t how we do things here.”
• My Dallas dating profile: “Seeking someone who appreciates a good barbecue and isn’t afraid of a little traffic, and maybe knows where to find a good breakfast taco.”
• Dallas weather forecast: Prepare for heat, a sudden downpour, and the possibility of a dust storm, all within the same hour, and probably while you are stuck in traffic.
• A Dallasite walks into a coffee shop and orders a ‘venti iced something’, and then asks for directions to the nearest Whataburger.
• You know you’re a true Dallasite when you can describe the precise location of a barbecue joint using only highway numbers and the phrase “just past the big gas station.”
• Dallas: Where the only thing stronger than the sweet tea is the belief that the Cowboys will win next year, and also the traffic.

Dallas-Specific Sayings: Phrases You’ll Only Hear Here

Dallas has its own language, y’all! Forget “everything’s bigger in Texas,” around here, you might hear “fixin’ to” or someone call a highway “the Mixmaster.” These quirky sayings, often peppered with a little Southern charm, are part of what makes Dallas, well, Dallas. It’s a unique lingo that locals just…

• “I’m not saying it’s hot, but my carpool buddy started melting into his seat.”
• “Dallas traffic: where ‘five minutes away’ can mean anything from five minutes to a full-blown existential crisis.”
• “You know you’re a Dallasite when you can navigate a six-lane highway while simultaneously ordering a sweet tea and debating the merits of different barbecue sauces.”
• “A Dallasite’s idea of a ‘light snack’ is a full plate of barbecue, a side of Texas toast, and a large sweet tea, and maybe a little banana pudding.”
• “My GPS in Dallas now just says, ‘Prepare for a sudden urge for Tex-Mex and a complete disregard for lane lines.'”
• “My car’s air conditioning in Dallas is not a luxury; it’s a vital organ.”
• “Dallas dating is like a rodeo; you’re either gonna get a great ride or get bucked off into a pile of disappointment.”
• “They say everything’s bigger in Texas, and that includes the highways, the portions, and the number of times you hear ‘bless your heart’ in a single conversation, especially when you are trying to park.”
• “I’m convinced my car in Dallas is powered by pure, unadulterated Texan pride and the lingering smell of brisket.”
• “Dallas weather forecast: Expect heat, humidity, and a sudden downpour that will clear up in time for the next barbecue.”
• “A Dallasite says, ‘I’ll be there in five minutes,’ which roughly translates to ‘I’ll leave my house in fifteen, but I’ll still be late because of traffic’.”
• “Dallas: where the question isn’t ‘What’s for dinner?’ but ‘Which barbecue joint are we hitting up tonight, and do they have a patio?'”
• “You know you’re a true Dallasite when you can give directions using only highway numbers, barbecue restaurant names, and the phrase ‘just past the big water tower.'”
• “Dallas: where ‘bless your heart’ can be a genuine sentiment or a well-disguised insult, depending on the drawl and the situation.”
• “My therapist told me to embrace my inner Texan, so I started wearing cowboy boots to therapy, saying ‘Howdy’ to my feelings, and craving barbecue for breakfast.”

Poking Fun at Dallas: Jokes About the City

Dallas, a city with big hair and even bigger ambitions, often finds itself the target of good-natured ribbing. From jokes about its sprawling highways to its love of all things Texas-sized, poking fun at Dallas is practically a local pastime. These jokes, however, are usually born out of affection and…

• My Dallas GPS now has a setting for “avoid all roads with a Whataburger drive-thru.”
• You know you’re a true Dallasite when you can explain the difference between a service road and a frontage road without hesitation.
• In Dallas, “a few minutes away” is a time unit that’s relative to the current traffic conditions and your tolerance for road rage.
• A Dallasite’s idea of a light workout is walking from the parking lot to the front door of a barbecue restaurant.
• Dallas dating: where the first question is always “What part of town do you live in?” and the second is “Do you have a toll tag?”.
• I tried to order a small sweet tea in Dallas, they handed me a kiddie pool with a straw.
• My car’s air conditioning in Dallas is my best friend, my therapist, and the reason I haven’t relocated to the North Pole.
• A Dallasite’s idea of a balanced meal is a plate of barbecue with a side of more barbecue, and a large sweet tea.
• My Dallas apartment is so small, my pet cowboy hat has to sleep on the porch.
• Dallas weather forecast: expect heat, humidity, and a sudden downpour that will be gone before you can find your umbrella.
• Dallas traffic is like a choose-your-own-adventure, but all the choices lead to a parking lot on the freeway.
• You know you’re in Dallas when you can navigate a six-lane highway while simultaneously ordering a sweet tea and discussing the Cowboys’ chances, and then find the perfect parking spot, somehow, and then someone is blocking you in.
• I tried to have a healthy lunch in Dallas, but a nearby barbecue joint started whispering sweet nothings in my ear.
• A tourist asked me if everyone in Dallas wears cowboy boots. I said, “Only on days that end in ‘y’, and sometimes when they go out for barbeque.”
• My car now has a Dallas accent; it only makes right turns and says, “Howdy, partner,” to other drivers, and then asks if they know where the nearest barbeque is.