150 Best New York Sayings and Jokes You Gotta Hear To Believe

Ever tried hailing a cab with a “Hey, I’m walkin’ here!”? Then you’ve already dipped your toes into the unique world of New York sayings and jokes. This city, with its lightning-fast pace and larger-than-life personality, has cultivated its own hilarious vernacular.

From sarcastic quips to iconic phrases, these expressions aren’t just words; they’re a window into the heart and humor of the Big Apple. Get ready to laugh and maybe even learn a new way to express yourself, New York style.

So, whether you’re a seasoned city dweller or just a curious visitor, let’s dive into the best New York sayings and jokes that’ll have you talking like a true New Yorker in no time.

Best New York Sayings and Jokes You Gotta Hear To Believe

• “I’m not saying New York is crowded, but I once saw a pigeon wearing a ‘Make Space’ t-shirt.”
• You know you’re a real New Yorker when jaywalking feels more like a suggestion than a rule.
• Why did the bagel file for bankruptcy? It had too much dough in the wrong places.
• “I love New York. It’s the only place where you can overhear a profound philosophical debate while waiting for the subway, and then see a rat drag a pizza slice into the tunnel.”
• A tourist asked me how to get to Carnegie Hall. I told him, “Practice? Nah, just take the A train, it’s a lot faster.”
• “New York dating is like a crowded subway car: you’re close to a lot of people, but finding a connection is rare and often involves awkward jostling.”
• My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. So I moved to New York.
• “You haven’t truly lived until you’ve had a full-blown argument with a cab driver about whether or not ‘traffic’ is a valid excuse.”
• What’s a New Yorker’s favorite type of music? Anything that drowns out the construction.
• Why do New Yorkers love pizza so much? Because it’s the only thing that doesn’t make them feel like they’re being ripped off.
• “The best thing about New York is the sheer audacity of it. Like, who decided that a tiny, overpriced apartment was worth bragging about?”
• Two New Yorkers walk into a bar. The first one says, “This place is too crowded,” and the second one says, “Yeah, let’s go to a more exclusive, equally crowded bar.”
• “I tried to explain ‘personal space’ to a New Yorker. They laughed and asked if it was a new type of apartment.”
• You haven’t experienced real fear until you’ve accidentally made eye contact with a pigeon on the subway.
• “In New York, ‘a quick walk’ means anything under 45 minutes, and ‘a short wait’ means fewer than three subway trains.”

New York Sayings: The Quintessential City Lingo

Ever wonder what “schlep” or “bodega” really means? Dive into “New York Sayings: The Quintessential City Lingo” and unlock the secrets of NYC speak. This collection, part of the “New York Sayings and Jokes” series, decodes the city’s unique vocabulary, adding a layer of local flavor to every laugh. You’ll…

• My New York apartment is so small, the cockroaches pay rent.
• You haven’t experienced true stress until you’ve tried to hail a cab in the rain at rush hour.
• That fella’s got a mind like Times Square on New Year’s Eve, a chaotic mess of flashing lights and too many people.
• My New York GPS just keeps yelling, “Get in the left lane, you’re holding up traffic, and you’re probably from out of state!”
• A New Yorker’s idea of a “quick trip” is a two-hour subway ride to a different borough for a better bagel.
• They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a decent slice of pizza, which is close enough.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually late, always in a rush, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow.
• A New York minute is like a regular minute, but it’s more expensive and probably involves a crowded subway car.
• You know you’re in New York when the biggest debate isn’t politics, but whether you prefer your pizza folded or with a fork, and everyone has a very strong opinion.
• A New York traffic jam is just a slow-motion parade of yellow cabs and delivery bikes, all trying to get to the same place, but somehow not moving.
• My New York apartment is so loud, the city that never sleeps is my lullaby.
• They say everything is bigger in Texas, but they haven’t seen the size of a New York City rat, it’s practically a small dog with a taste for garbage.
• A New Yorker’s version of a “quick break” is a brisk walk around the block, while simultaneously checking their phone and complaining about the tourists.
• My New York friend says they don’t need a map, they just follow the scent of street meat and the sound of a distant saxophone.
• You haven’t experienced true culture until you’ve had a full-blown argument with a pigeon over a discarded pretzel.

Classic New York Jokes: A Humorous Slice of the Big Apple

Looking for a laugh straight from the city that never sleeps? “Classic New York Jokes” is your go-to guide for sharp, witty humor, a perfect companion to “New York Sayings and Jokes.” It captures the essence of the Big Apple’s unique perspective, offering a humorous slice of life only New…

• My New York apartment is so small, the roaches have to pay rent in crumbs.
• A New Yorker’s idea of a “quick trip” is a five-block walk that involves dodging tourists, a street performer, and a rogue hot dog cart.
• You haven’t experienced true New York until you’ve had a full-blown argument with a pigeon over a discarded pretzel.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually stressed about the subway, always craving a slice, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow.
• What’s a New Yorker’s favorite type of music? Anything that drowns out the construction noise and the honking.
• That fella’s got a mind like a New York City subway map, full of connections, but also a whole lot of confusion.
• A New York minute is like a regular minute, but it’s more expensive and probably involves a crowded subway car, and maybe some yelling.
• My New York GPS just keeps yelling, “Get in the left lane, you’re holding up traffic, and you’re probably from out of state!”
• They say the city never sleeps, but my apartment building is proof that some parts of it definitely do.
• New York dating is like a crowded subway car: you’re close to a lot of people, but finding a connection is rare and often involves awkward jostling.
• My New York friend says they don’t need a map, they just follow the scent of street meat and the sound of a distant saxophone and the sound of someone getting yelled at for being in the bike lane.
• A New York traffic jam is just a slow-motion parade of yellow cabs and delivery bikes, all trying to get to the same place, but somehow not moving, and everyone is yelling.
• They say everything is expensive in New York, but have you seen the price of a decent slice of pizza? It’s practically a down payment for an apartment.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually late, always in a rush, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow, and that every coffee shop should be serving a good bagel.
• Two New Yorkers walk into a bar. The first one says, “This place is too crowded,” and the second one says, “Yeah, let’s go to a more exclusive, equally crowded bar, and then complain about the price, and then complain about the wait.”

Navigating New York: Decoding Local Sayings

Ever feel lost in translation in the Big Apple? New York has its own language, a colorful mix of idioms and slang. Understanding phrases like “bodega run” or “schlep” is key to navigating local life. This section decodes those unique New York sayings, offering a glimpse into the city’s quirky,…

• My therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually stressed about finding a decent slice for under five dollars, and I’m convinced that everyone else is walking too slow, and that the subway is a personal attack.
• A New Yorker’s idea of a “quick trip” to the grocery store involves a detour through three different bodegas, a debate with the cashier about the best coffee, and then a stop at a hot dog cart, and then realizing they forgot their reusable bag, and then they are late.
• My New York GPS just keeps yelling, “Get in the left lane, you’re holding up traffic, and you’re probably from out of state!” and then suggests you get a bagel.
• You haven’t experienced true New York until you’ve had a full-blown argument with a pigeon over a discarded pretzel, and then realized the pigeon was right.
• They say everything is expensive in New York, but have you seen the price of a decent slice of pizza? It’s practically a down payment for a studio apartment, and maybe a little bit of therapy for the stress of trying to find a parking spot.
• A New York minute is like a regular minute, but it’s more expensive and probably involves a crowded subway car, and maybe some yelling, and someone stepping on your foot, and you’re probably running late.
• My New York apartment is so small, the cockroaches pay rent in crumbs, and they’re always talking about how they can’t believe how much the rent is, and then they complain about the traffic.
• You know you’re a real New Yorker when jaywalking feels more like a suggestion than a rule, and you know all the shortcuts through the park, and you know where the best pizza is, and you know how to navigate a crowded subway car.
• Two New Yorkers walk into a bar. The first one says, “This place is too crowded,” and the second one says, “Yeah, let’s go to a more exclusive, equally crowded bar, and complain about the wait.”
• My New York GPS has started giving me directions with a sarcastic tone, like, “Oh, you *want* to take *that* street, do you? Enjoy the potholes, and the traffic, and the bike lane that’s also a sidewalk.”
• My New York friend says they don’t need a map, they just follow the scent of street meat and the sound of a distant saxophone, and the occasional car alarm.
• You haven’t experienced true stress until you’ve tried to hail a cab in the rain at rush hour, and then you just give up and take the subway, and then you realize you left your umbrella at home.
• My New York therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually late, always in a rush, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow, and that the only good coffee is from a bodega, and the best pizza is from a place that doesn’t have a website.
• A New York traffic jam is just a slow-motion parade of yellow cabs and delivery bikes, all trying to get to the same place, but somehow not moving, and everyone is yelling, and then someone cuts in line and everyone honks.
• They say everything is expensive in New York, but have you seen the price of a decent bagel? It’s practically a down payment for a parking spot, and then you get a parking ticket for being there too long, and then you’re late.

Funny New Yorkisms: When Slang Meets the City

Ever wonder why New Yorkers say “deadass” or “bodega”? That’s where “Funny New Yorkisms” comes in! It explores the hilarious slang that’s uniquely NYC, often showcased in local jokes. It’s not just about words; it’s about a city’s attitude and how it playfully twists language, a key part of New…

• My New York GPS just keeps yelling, “Get in the left lane, you’re holding up traffic, and you’re probably from out of state, and you should probably learn how to hail a cab.”
• A New Yorker’s idea of a “quick trip” is a five-block walk that involves dodging tourists, a street performer, and a rogue hot dog cart, and then realizing they forgot their reusable bag.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually stressed about finding a decent slice for under five dollars, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow, and that the subway is a personal attack.
• You haven’t experienced true New York until you’ve had a full-blown argument with a pigeon over a discarded pretzel, and then realized the pigeon was right, and then you’re late.
• A New York minute is like a regular minute, but it’s more expensive and probably involves a crowded subway car, and maybe some yelling, and then you’re late.
• That fella’s got a mind like a New York City subway map, full of connections, but also a whole lot of confusion, and you’re not sure where you’re going, but you’re pretty sure you’ll be late.
• My New York apartment is so small, the cockroaches pay rent in crumbs, and they’re always talking about how they can’t believe how much the rent is.
• They say everything is expensive in New York, but have you seen the price of a decent slice of pizza? It’s practically a down payment for an apartment, and maybe a little bit of therapy for the stress of trying to find a parking spot.
• Two New Yorkers walk into a bar. The first one says, “This place is too crowded,” and the second one says, “Yeah, let’s go to a more exclusive, equally crowded bar, and then complain about the price and the wait.”
• You haven’t truly lived until you’ve had a full-blown argument with a cab driver about whether or not “traffic” is a valid excuse for being late.
• A New Yorker’s version of a “quick break” is a brisk walk around the block, while simultaneously checking their phone and complaining about the tourists.
• My New York GPS has started giving me directions with a sarcastic tone, like, “Oh, you *want* to take *that* street, do you? Enjoy the potholes, and the bike lane that’s also a sidewalk.”
• “In New York, ‘a quick walk’ means anything under 45 minutes, and ‘a short wait’ means fewer than three subway trains, and you should probably get a bagel.”
• You know you’re a real New Yorker when jaywalking feels more like a suggestion than a rule, and you know all the shortcuts through the park, and you know where the best pizza is, and you know how to navigate a crowded subway car.
• My New York therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually late, always in a rush, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow, and that the only good coffee is from a bodega.

New York Humor: Poking Fun at City Life

New York humor is a special breed, born from the daily grind and absurdities of city life. It’s in the sarcastic quips about crowded subways, the eye-rolling at tourist antics, and the self-deprecating jokes about sky-high rent. These sayings and jokes aren’t just funny; they’re a way New Yorkers bond…

• My New York apartment is so small, I have to go outside to change my mind.
• You haven’t experienced true stress until you’ve tried to find a public restroom in Times Square during rush hour and then realized you left your phone at home.
• A New York minute is like a regular minute, but it takes longer, costs more, and involves at least three near-collisions with pedestrians and a taxi.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m always late, always in a rush, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow, and that the only good coffee is from a bodega, and that the subway is a personal attack.
• They say everything is expensive in New York, but have you seen the price of a decent bagel? It’s practically a down payment for a parking spot, and then you have to pay a toll to get there.
• You know you’re a real New Yorker when jaywalking feels more like a suggestion than a rule, and you know all the shortcuts through Central Park, and you know where the best pizza is, and you can hail a cab with just a look.
• My New York GPS just keeps yelling, “Get in the left lane, you’re holding up traffic, and you’re probably from out of state, and you should probably learn how to hail a cab.”
• A New Yorker’s idea of a “quick trip” is a five-block walk that involves dodging tourists, a street performer, a rogue hot dog cart, and then realizing you forgot your reusable bag.
• A New York traffic jam is just a slow-motion parade of yellow cabs and delivery bikes, all trying to get to the same place, but somehow not moving, and everyone is yelling.
• My New York apartment is so loud, the city that never sleeps is my lullaby, and the rats are paying their rent in crumbs.
• New York dating is like a crowded subway car: you’re close to a lot of people, but finding a connection is rare and often involves awkward jostling and an accidental elbow to the ribs.
• My New York therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually late, always in a rush, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow, and that the only good coffee is from a bodega, and that the subway is a personal vendetta against me.
• You haven’t experienced true New York until you’ve had a full-blown argument with a pigeon over a discarded pretzel, and then realized the pigeon was right, and then you’re late.
• My New York GPS has started giving me directions with a sarcastic tone, like, “Oh, you *want* to take *that* street, do you? Enjoy the potholes, and the bike lane that’s also a sidewalk, and the tourists, and the traffic.”
• Two New Yorkers walk into a bar. The first one says, “This place is too crowded,” and the second one says, “Yeah, let’s go to a more exclusive, equally crowded bar, and then complain about the price, and then the wait.”

New York Sayings Explained: Getting the Local Perspective

Ever wondered what “schlep” really means or why New Yorkers say “deadass”? “New York Sayings Explained” dives into the city’s unique lingo, offering a local’s perspective beyond the usual jokes. It’s more than just laughs; it’s about understanding the culture woven into every phrase, giving you the real deal behind…

• My New York apartment is so small, I have to go outside to change my mind, and then I have to go back inside because it’s too loud outside, and then I have to go back outside because it’s too cramped inside.
• You know you’re a New Yorker when your biggest fear isn’t a blackout, it’s running out of bodega coffee, and then having to wait in line, and then having to pay more than five dollars for a cup.
• That fella’s got a mind like a New York City subway map during rush hour; a chaotic mix of lines, delays, and a whole lot of people trying to get somewhere else.
• My New York GPS just keeps yelling, “Get in the left lane, you’re holding up traffic, and you’re probably from out of state, and you should probably learn how to hail a cab, and get a bagel, and learn to walk faster!”
• My favorite New York activity? Complaining about the tourists while simultaneously being a tourist in another part of the city, and then complaining about the prices, and then complaining about the traffic, and then complaining about everything else.
• A New Yorker’s version of a “quick trip” is a five-block walk that involves dodging tourists, a street performer, a rogue hot dog cart, a bike messenger, and then realizing they forgot their metro card.
• They say everything is expensive in New York, but have you seen the price of a decent bagel? It’s practically a down payment for an apartment, and then you have to pay a toll to get there.
• You haven’t experienced true New York until you’ve had a full-blown argument with a pigeon over a discarded pretzel, and then realized the pigeon was right, and then you’re late for your appointment.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually late, always in a rush, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow, and that the subway is a personal vendetta against me, and that the only good pizza is from my neighborhood.
• My New York apartment is so small, the cockroaches pay rent in crumbs, and they’re always talking about how they can’t believe how much the rent is, and then they complain about the traffic.
• A New York minute is like a regular minute, but it’s more expensive and probably involves a crowded subway car, and maybe some yelling, and then you’re late.
• New York dating is like a crowded subway car: you’re close to a lot of people, but finding a connection is rare and often involves awkward jostling and an accidental elbow to the ribs, and then you’re probably late.
• My New York GPS has started giving me directions with a sarcastic tone, like, “Oh, you *want* to take *that* street, do you? Enjoy the potholes and the traffic and the tourists, and maybe grab a slice, and don’t forget to tip.”
• You know you’re a true New Yorker when jaywalking feels more like a suggestion than a rule, and you know all the shortcuts through Central Park, and you know where the best pizza is, and you can hail a cab with just a look, and you can find your way to a bodega at 3am.
• They say what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, but your credit card bill usually follows you home to New York and then judges you, and a few questionable decisions, and then you’re late for work because of the subway, and then you need a bagel.

Unique New York Jokes: Beyond the Typical Stand-Up

Forget the usual “walkin’ here” jokes! New York’s humor runs deeper than that. We’re talking about a specific, almost insider, wit. It’s about navigating the subway, the rent, and the sheer audacity of it all. These aren’t just jokes, they’re little cultural touchstones. You’ll get it if you’ve lived it.

• My New York apartment is so small, I have to go outside to change my mind, and then I have to go back inside because it’s too loud outside.
• You haven’t experienced true New York until you’ve had a full-blown argument with a pigeon over a discarded pretzel, and then you’re late for your appointment.
• A New York minute is like a regular minute, but it’s more expensive and probably involves a crowded subway car, and maybe some yelling.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually late, always in a rush, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow, and that the only good coffee is from a bodega.
• New York dating is like a crowded subway car: you’re close to a lot of people, but finding a connection is rare and often involves awkward jostling and an accidental elbow to the ribs.
• They say everything is expensive in New York, but have you seen the price of a decent slice of pizza? It’s practically a down payment for an apartment.
• My New York GPS has started giving me directions with a sarcastic tone, like, “Oh, you *want* to take *that* street, do you? Enjoy the potholes and the traffic and the tourists, and maybe grab a slice.”
• Two New Yorkers walk into a bar. The first one says, “This place is too crowded,” and the second one says, “Yeah, let’s go to a more exclusive, equally crowded bar.”
• You haven’t experienced true stress until you’ve tried to hail a cab in the rain at rush hour, and then you just give up and take the subway, and then you realize you left your umbrella at home.
• My New York apartment is so small, the cockroaches pay rent in crumbs, and they’re always talking about how they can’t believe how much the rent is, and then they complain about the traffic.
• My New York GPS just keeps yelling, “Get in the left lane, you’re holding up traffic, and you’re probably from out of state!” and then suggests you get a bagel.
• You know you’re a real New Yorker when jaywalking feels more like a suggestion than a rule, and you know all the shortcuts through the park, and you know where the best pizza is, and you can hail a cab with just a look.
• A New Yorker’s idea of a “quick trip” is a five-block walk that involves dodging tourists, a street performer, a rogue hot dog cart, and then realizing you forgot your reusable bag.
• My New York therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually late, always in a rush, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow, and that the only good coffee is from a bodega, and that the subway is a personal vendetta against me.
• You know you’re a New Yorker when your biggest fear isn’t a blackout, it’s running out of bodega coffee, and then having to wait in line, and then having to pay more than five dollars for a cup.

The Evolution of New York Sayings: From Yesteryear to Today

New York sayings, like the city itself, are constantly evolving. From the classic “fuggedaboutit” to today’s viral slang, the language reflects the city’s ever-changing culture. These phrases, often born from shared experiences and a unique sense of humor, offer a glimpse into the heart of New York’s vibrant personality, both…

• You haven’t experienced true existential dread until you’ve missed the express train by *that* much and then had to listen to a guy loudly mansplain cryptocurrency for 15 stops.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually late, always in a rush, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow, and that the only good coffee is from a bodega, and that the subway is a personal vendetta against me, and that I should probably get some pizza to calm down.
• That fella’s got a mind like a crowded New York City sidewalk, constantly bumping into things and never quite knowing where it’s going, and always in a hurry, and always late for something.
• A New York traffic jam is just a slow-motion parade of yellow cabs and delivery bikes, all trying to get to the same place, but somehow not moving, and everyone is yelling, and then someone cuts in line and everyone honks, and then they all end up at the same red light.
• My New York apartment is so small, the roaches are now subletting from the mice, and they’re all complaining about the rent and the noise, and the traffic outside.
• My GPS in New York has started giving me directions with a sarcastic tone, like, “Oh, you *want* to take *that* street, do you? Enjoy the potholes, and the tourists, and the bike lane that’s also a sidewalk, and then realize you’re late, and you should probably stop for a slice, and then try to find a parking spot.”
• You know you’re a real New Yorker when jaywalking feels more like a suggestion than a rule, and you know all the shortcuts through the park, and you know where the best pizza is, and you can hail a cab with just a look, and you can find a bodega at 3 am, and you know which subway car is the least crowded, and you’re always running late.
• You haven’t experienced true stress until you’ve tried to get a decent bagel on a Sunday morning, and then you get to the front of the line and they’re out of your favorite one, and then you have to choose another, and then you’re late for your appointment, and then you get a parking ticket.
• My New York GPS just keeps yelling, “Get in the left lane, you’re holding up traffic, and you’re probably from out of state, and you should probably learn how to hail a cab, and get a bagel, and learn to walk faster, and stop taking selfies!”
• Two New Yorkers walk into a bar. The first one says, “This place is too crowded,” and the second one says, “Yeah, let’s go to a more exclusive, equally crowded bar, and then complain about the price, and the wait, and the music, and the view from the window.”
• New York dating is like a crowded subway car: you’re close to a lot of people, but finding a connection is rare and often involves awkward jostling, an accidental elbow to the ribs, and then you realize you’re late, and then you have to find a cab.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner New Yorker, so now I’m perpetually late, always in a rush, and convinced that everyone else is walking too slow, and that the only good coffee is from a bodega, and that the subway is a personal vendetta against me.
• A New York minute is like a regular minute, but it’s more expensive and probably involves a crowded subway car, and maybe some yelling, and someone stepping on your foot, and then you’re late, and then you need a slice.
• They say everything is expensive in New York, but have you seen the price of a decent slice of pizza? It’s practically a down payment for an apartment, and then you have to pay a toll to get there, and then you get a parking ticket, and then you’re late.
• My New York apartment is so small, the cockroaches pay rent in crumbs, and they’re always talking about how they can’t believe how much the rent is, and then they complain about the traffic, and then they start a band, and then they complain about the noise, and then they start a fight.