150 Best Portland Sayings and Jokes You’ll Actually Find Funny

Ever wondered what makes Portland, Oregon, so uniquely… Portland? It’s more than just the food carts and quirky vibes; it’s the language! Get ready to dive into the hilarious side of the Rose City with some classic Portland sayings and jokes that locals know and love.

From self-deprecating humor to hyper-local references, these Portland sayings will have you laughing and maybe even feeling like you’ve lived here your whole life. Prepare to decode the city’s funny bone!

So whether you’re a transplant trying to fit in or a longtime resident looking for a chuckle, let’s explore what makes Portland’s humor so wonderfully weird.

Best Portland Sayings and Jokes You’ll Actually Find Funny

• Keep Portland Weird…ly obsessed with local kombucha.
• A Portlander walks into a bar, orders a craft beer, and asks if it’s ethically sourced.
• Why did the hipster cross the road? Because it was too mainstream to walk on the sidewalk.
• Portland traffic is so bad, you could probably knit a scarf in the time it takes to cross the Hawthorne Bridge.
• I tried to blend in with the Portland crowd, but my umbrella gave me away.
• What’s a Portlander’s favorite type of music? Anything they discovered before you did.
• Heard about the Portland food cart that went out of business? Turns out, no one wanted to wait 45 minutes for a gluten-free kale smoothie.
• Portland: Where the rain is free and the parking is not.
• “I’m not saying I’m a Portlander, but I do know the difference between a stout and a porter, and I have strong opinions about both.”
• A Portland dog walks into a pet store and asks for an organic, locally made, vegan treat.
• They say Portland is where young people go to retire. I guess all the flannel and coffee makes sense then.
• My favorite Portland pastime is complaining about how much Portland has changed.
• What do you call a person who’s never been to Portland? A tourist, probably.
• In Portland, we don’t say “I’m running late,” we say “I’m on Portland time.”
• Portland: We’re not hippies, we’re just really into fermentation.

Portland’s Quirky Catchphrases: A Local Lexicon

Portland’s unique spirit shines through its quirky catchphrases, a local lexicon that’s both baffling and endearing. From “Keep Portland Weird” to “Put a bird on it,” these sayings are more than just jokes; they’re a window into the city’s offbeat culture. Understanding them is like unlocking a secret Portland handshake.

• “My bike is more attached to me than my dating life in the Pearl, and it judges my helmet choice.”
• A Portland resident’s idea of a “quick errand” is a 45-minute bike ride to a different neighborhood, but with a better selection of locally roasted coffee and vegan pastries, and then they have to find a place to lock up their bike.
• I tried to order a regular coffee in Portland, they asked if I wanted it with oat milk, almond milk, soy milk, or a micro-foam made from unicorn tears, and then they asked if I wanted it ethically sourced, and then they asked for my pronouns.
• “My favorite Portland workout? Dodging scooters, and tourists, and also, trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then getting a coffee with a really long line, and then trying to find a dry place to sit and drink it, and then I realize I forgot my reusable straw.”
• You know you’re a true Portlander when you can give directions using only the names of food carts, the general direction of the nearest brewery, and the phrase, “just past that really weird sculpture, and then you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• Portland weather forecast: Expect a light drizzle, a sudden craving for craft beer, and the distinct possibility of a unicycle sighting, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan, and a waterproof jacket.
• “My therapist told me to embrace my inner Portlander, so I started wearing flannel to therapy, talking about the latest food cart openings, and then asked if they wanted to go for a bike ride, and then we did, but first, we had to find parking, and then we had to find a place to lock our bikes, and then we had to try a new brewery, and then we realized we forgot our reusable straws.”
• A Portland dog walks into a pet store and asks for an organic, locally sourced, vegan treat, and then asks if they validate parking for bikes.
• “I tried to have a quiet moment in Powell’s, but a group of hipsters started a silent reading flash mob, and then they asked if I wanted to join their book club, and then they asked if I knew where to find parking for a cargo bike.”
• “A Portland resident’s idea of a ‘balanced diet’ is a vegan donut in one hand, a kombucha in the other, and a detailed analysis of the local farmers market schedule, and also, they should probably have a backup plan for their bike.”
• “My Portland dating life is a lot like the traffic on the Hawthorne Bridge: slow-moving, slightly frustrating, but with the occasional beautiful view of the river if you’re lucky, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan, and a place to lock your bike.”
• You know you’re a Portland local when you can identify the exact type of coffee roast just by the smell, and you can tell the difference between a stout and a porter, and you know which food cart has the best vegan options, and you know where to find parking for a cargo bike.
• A tourist asked me what the secret to happiness was in Portland; I told them, “Coffee, craft beer, and a really good bike lock, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan, and an umbrella that can withstand the wind.”
• “My favorite Portland workout? Walking uphill…both ways, while dodging scooters, and tourists, and also, trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then getting a coffee with a really long line, and then trying to find a dry place to sit and drink it, and then you have to figure out how to get home, and then you have to start all over again tomorrow, but it is going to be worth it.”
• “I’m not saying the food scene is big, but my Uber driver just handed me his food cart’s menu and asked if I wanted to be their social media manager, and then he asked if I knew where to find parking near the brewery.”

Keep Portland Weird: The Origins of a Famous Saying

Portland’s quirky spirit isn’t just a vibe, it’s a motto! “Keep Portland Weird” started as a humble radio ad, urging locals to support independent businesses. Now, it’s a rallying cry, a source of pride, and the punchline to many a Portland joke. It perfectly captures our city’s love of the…

• My bike is more committed to me than my dating life in the Pearl, and it judges my helmet hair.
• A Portlander’s idea of a balanced diet is a vegan donut in one hand and a locally sourced kombucha in the other, preferably while waiting in line for a food cart, and then they have to figure out how to lock their bike.
• I tried to find a quiet spot to meditate in a park, but a group of unicyclists started a synchronized routine with accordions.
• You know you’re a Portlander when you can give directions using only the names of food carts, the general direction of the nearest brewery, and the phrase, “just past that quirky little bookstore with the cat, and then you have to figure out how to lock your bike, and then you have to try to find a dry place to drink your coffee”.
• A Portlander’s favorite type of music is whatever was recorded in their neighbor’s basement last week and pressed onto vinyl in a limited run of 50.
• I tried to have a normal conversation with a Portlander, but they kept referencing obscure documentaries and artisanal pickles, and then they asked if I had a good data plan.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Portlander, so I started wearing flannel to therapy, talking about the latest food cart openings, and then asked if they wanted to go for a bike ride, and then we did, but first, we had to find parking, and then we had to find a place to lock our bikes, and then we had to try a new brewery, and then we realized we forgot our reusable straws.
• Portland’s weather forecast: Expect rain, a sudden craving for coffee, and the distinct possibility of someone trying to sell you a handmade umbrella, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get home.
• A Portland dog walks into a pet store and asks for an organic, locally sourced, vegan treat, and then asks if they validate parking for bikes.
• My favorite Portland workout is walking uphill… both ways, while dodging scooters, and tourists, and also, trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then getting a coffee with a really long line, and then trying to find a dry place to sit and drink it, and then you have to figure out how to get home, and then you have to start all over again tomorrow, but it is going to be worth it.
• “My favorite Portland sport is trying to find parking near Powell’s, but I always end up biking there, and then I have to find a place to lock up my bike, and then I have to figure out how to get back home, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, and then I realize I forgot my book.”
• My apartment is so small, my sourdough starter has started to complain about the lack of counter space, and also, it’s judging my rent, and it’s also demanding a subscription to a local coffee roasting company, and it has a preferred type of flour that I have to get from the farmers market, and then I have to figure out how to get home without getting rained on, and then I realize I forgot my bike lock, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, and then I realize my phone is dead, and then I have to try to find a place to charge it.
• Portland traffic is like a choose-your-own-adventure book, except all the endings involve a detour and a bike lane that is blocked by a food cart, and then you have to figure out where to lock your bike, and then you have to try to figure out how to get home, and then you have to start all over again tomorrow, but it is still going to be worth it.
• They say Portland is where young people go to retire, I guess all the flannel and coffee makes sense then, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they are trying to find parking, or a new food cart, or a new brewery, or the best place to lock their bike.
• A Portlander’s idea of “dressing up” is wearing a clean flannel shirt and a pair of boots that aren’t covered in mud, and then they have to find parking for their bike.

Portland’s Punny Side: Jokes Only Locals Understand

Portland’s humor is a special brew, often relying on hyperlocal knowledge. “Keep Portland Weird” isn’t just a slogan; it’s the key to many inside jokes. From the MAX to Voodoo Doughnuts, our city provides endless fodder for puns and quips only true Portlanders will fully appreciate. It’s a language of…

• My bike is more committed to me than my dating life in the Pearl, and it judges my helmet hair, and also, it’s judging my choice of coffee.
• Portland: where the “local” food cart is actually owned by a guy who moved here last Tuesday, but he has a really good data plan for when he’s trying to figure out where to park his food cart, and also, he has a portable charger.
• I tried to have a moment of peace in Forest Park, but a group of people started a silent disco, and then they asked me if I wanted to join, and then I realized I forgot my reusable water bottle, and then I had to find a place to lock my bike, and then I had to figure out how to get home.
• You know you’re a Portlander when you can give directions using only the names of food carts, the general direction of the nearest brewery, and the phrase, “just past that really quirky little bookstore that sells vintage records, and then you have to figure out how to lock your bike, and then you have to try to find a dry place to drink your coffee, and then you have to start all over again, but it is going to be worth it.”
• My favorite Portland workout? Walking uphill…both ways, while dodging scooters, and tourists, and also, trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then getting a coffee with a really long line, and then trying to find a dry place to sit and drink it, and then you have to figure out how to get home, and then you have to start all over again tomorrow, but it is going to be worth it, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.
• They say Portland is where young people go to retire, I guess all the flannel and coffee makes sense then, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they are trying to find parking, or a new food cart, or a new brewery, or the best place to lock their bike, and also, they all have a portable charger.
• “My bike is more attached to me than my dating life in the Pearl, and it judges my helmet choice, and also, it has strong opinions about my choice of coffee, and also, it’s judging my rent.”
• Portland weather forecast: Expect rain, a sudden craving for craft beer, and the distinct possibility of someone trying to sell you a hand-knitted scarf, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan, and a portable charger, and an umbrella that can withstand the wind, and a good pair of waterproof boots.
• My ideal Portland date? A walk in the rain, followed by a tasting flight at a local brewery, and then a trip to a food cart, and then a discussion about the merits of different types of locally sourced kombucha, and then trying to find a place to lock our bikes, and then realizing we forgot our reusable straws.
• “My sourdough starter is more high-maintenance than my dating life in the Pearl, and it judges my helmet choice, and also, it has strong opinions about my choice of coffee, and also, it’s judging my rent, and also, it has a preferred type of flour, and also, it wants a subscription to a local coffee roasting company, and also, it wants to have a portable charger, and also, it wants a really good data plan for when I’m trying to find parking.”
• You haven’t truly lived until you’ve tried to find parking in the Pearl district on a Saturday night, and then tried to lock your bike, and then realized you forgot your reusable straw, and then decided to just go home, and then you started all over again the next day, but it was still worth it.
• “My favorite Portland sport is trying to find parking near Powell’s, but I always end up biking there, and then I have to find a place to lock up my bike, and then I have to figure out how to get back home, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, and then I realize I forgot my book.”
• A Portland dog walks into a pet store and asks for an organic, locally made, vegan treat, and then asks if they validate parking for bikes, and then asks if they have a portable charger, and then asks if they have a good data plan.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Portlander, so I started wearing flannel to therapy, talking about the latest food cart openings, and then asked if they wanted to go for a bike ride, and then we did, but first, we had to find parking, and then we had to find a place to lock our bikes, and then we had to try a new brewery, and then we realized we forgot our reusable straws, and then we had to figure out how to get home, and then we had to start all over again tomorrow, but it was still worth it, and also, we needed to find a place to charge our phones.
• You know you’re a Portland local when you can identify the exact type of coffee roast just by the smell, and you can tell the difference between a stout and a porter, and you know which food cart has the best vegan options, and you know where to find parking for a cargo bike, and you know where to find a charging station for your phone, and you know where to get a good data plan.

“The Mountain Is Out”: Decoding Portland Weather Sayings

Portland’s weather is notoriously fickle, and “The Mountain Is Out” is a classic saying. It means you can finally see Mount Hood, usually hidden by clouds. This phrase, along with other quirky sayings, perfectly captures the city’s unique personality and the shared experience of living in the Pacific Northwest. It’s…

• “The mountain is out” is Portland’s version of a weather forecast, which is basically a myth anyway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• If you don’t like the weather in Portland, just wait five minutes, it’ll probably change, and then you’ll need to find a new place to lock your bike.
• Portland weather is like a choose-your-own-adventure book, but all the options involve rain, and the occasional sunbeam that is probably a hallucination, and then you have to try to figure out how to get home.
• “It’s just a little mist” is Portland code for “prepare to be damp for the next three days, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get home without getting rained on, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• Portland’s version of a “heatwave” is when the temperature rises above 70 degrees, and everyone starts complaining that it’s too hot, and then they start trying to find a place to lock their bike with some shade.
• The only thing more unpredictable than the stock market is the likelihood of a surprise downpour in Portland, so you should probably have a backup umbrella, and a good data plan.
• They say you can’t predict the weather in Portland, but I can predict that at some point today, I’ll need to find a dry place to sit and drink my coffee, and also, I’ll probably get lost trying to find parking for my bike.
• “It’s just a sprinkle” is Portland’s way of saying, “Get ready to put on all your waterproof gear, including your waterproof bike helmet, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get home without getting rained on.”
• Portland weather is like a chameleon, it changes its colors, and also, it changes its mind, and you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan.
• Portland’s forecast: Expect a 70% chance of drizzle, a sudden craving for craft beer, and the distinct possibility of needing both sunglasses and an umbrella, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a portable charger.
• “The sun is out” is Portland code for “hurry, get outside, before it disappears again, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home before it starts raining again.”
• Portland weather is like a relationship; it’s complicated, unpredictable, and sometimes it just leaves you feeling damp and confused, and then you have to try to find a place to lock your bike, and then you have to try to figure out how to get home.
• “Don’t worry, it’s just a cloud” is Portland’s way of saying, “Get ready for the downpour, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get home without getting rained on, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.”
• Portland’s weather is sponsored by a local umbrella company and a coffee roaster, because you will need both, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a portable charger.
• “The mountain is out” also means “the parking is going to be terrible, and you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan, and a portable charger, and also, you should probably have a really good map of all the breweries in the area, and also, you should probably just stay home.”

Portland Foodie Humor: Jokes About Voodoo Doughnuts and More

Portland’s humor is as quirky as its food scene! From the iconic Voodoo Doughnuts to the endless artisanal coffee debates, you’ll find jokes poking fun at our culinary obsessions. It’s all part of the Portland experience – a blend of deliciousness and self-deprecating laughter that’s sure to leave you smiling.

• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Portlander, so I started wearing flannel to therapy, talking about the latest food cart openings, and then asked if they wanted to go for a bike ride, and then we did, but first, we had to find parking, and then we had to find a place to lock our bikes, and then we had to try a new brewery, and then we realized we forgot our reusable straws, and then we had to figure out how to get home, and then we had to start all over again tomorrow, but it was still worth it.
• Portland: Where the rain is free and the parking is not, and you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan.
• They say Portland is where young people go to retire, I guess all the flannel and coffee makes sense then, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they are trying to find parking, or a new food cart, or a new brewery, or the best place to lock their bike.
• “The mountain is out” is Portland’s version of a weather forecast, which is basically a myth anyway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• My bike is more attached to me than my dating life in the Pearl, and it judges my helmet choice.
• A Portland dog walks into a pet store and asks for an organic, locally made, vegan treat.
• My ideal Portland date? A walk in the rain, followed by a tasting flight at a local brewery, and then a trip to a food cart, and then a discussion about the merits of different types of locally sourced kombucha, and then trying to find a place to lock our bikes, and then realizing we forgot our reusable straws.
• “My favorite Portland sport is trying to find parking near Powell’s, but I always end up biking there, and then I have to find a place to lock up my bike, and then I have to figure out how to get back home, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, and then I realize I forgot my book.”
• “My favorite Portland workout? Walking uphill…both ways, while dodging scooters, and tourists, and also, trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then getting a coffee with a really long line, and then trying to find a dry place to sit and drink it, and then you have to figure out how to get home, and then you have to start all over again.”
• They say you can’t predict the weather in Portland, but I can predict that at some point today, I’ll need to find a dry place to sit and drink my coffee, and also, I’ll probably get lost trying to find parking for my bike.
• “It’s just a sprinkle” is Portland’s way of saying, “Get ready to put on all your waterproof gear, including your waterproof bike helmet, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get home without getting rained on.”
• My bike is more committed to me than my dating life in the Pearl, and it judges my helmet hair.
• “My sourdough starter is more high-maintenance than a tech bro’s electric scooter, and it has opinions on my choice of gluten-free flour, and it’s also judging my rent.”
• “The mountain is out” also means “the parking is going to be terrible, and you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan, and a portable charger, and also, you should probably have a really good map of all the breweries in the area, and also, you should probably just stay home.”
• You know you’re a Portland local when you can give directions using only the names of food carts, the general direction of the nearest brewery, and the phrase, “just past that quirky little bookstore with the cat, and then you have to figure out how to lock your bike, and then you have to try to find a dry place to drink your coffee”.

Common Portlandisms: Everyday Phrases Used in the City

Portland’s got its own language, ya know? Beyond “Keep Portland Weird,” you’ll hear phrases like “the mountain’s out” when Rainier’s visible or “it’s raining sideways” because, well, it often is. These common sayings, mixed with our self-deprecating humor, make up the unique tapestry of Portland jokes and everyday conversations.

• My ideal Portland date? A walk in the rain, followed by a tasting flight at a local brewery, and then a trip to a food cart, and then a discussion about the merits of different types of locally sourced kombucha, and then trying to find a place to lock our bikes, and then realizing we forgot our reusable straws, and then we start all over again tomorrow.
• You know you’re a true Portlander when you can give directions using only the names of food carts, the general direction of the nearest brewery, and the phrase, “just past that quirky little bookstore with the cat, and then you have to figure out how to lock your bike, and then you have to try to find a dry place to drink your coffee”.
• They say Portland is where young people go to retire, I guess all the flannel and coffee makes sense then, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they are trying to find parking, or a new food cart, or a new brewery, or the best place to lock their bike, and then they realize they forgot their reusable straw.
• “The mountain is out” is Portland’s version of a weather forecast, which is basically a myth anyway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• My bike is more attached to me than my dating life in the Pearl, and it judges my helmet choice, and also, it has strong opinions about my choice of coffee.
• “My sourdough starter is more high-maintenance than a tech bro’s electric scooter, and it has opinions on my choice of gluten-free flour, and it’s also judging my rent, and also, it’s demanding a subscription to a local coffee roasting company.”
• “My favorite Portland sport is trying to find parking near Powell’s, but I always end up biking there, and then I have to find a place to lock up my bike, and then I have to figure out how to get back home, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, and then I realize I forgot my book.”
• “My favorite Portland workout? Walking uphill…both ways, while dodging scooters, and tourists, and also, trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then getting a coffee with a really long line, and then trying to find a dry place to sit and drink it, and then you have to figure out how to get home, and then you have to start all over again.”
• “It’s just a little mist” is Portland code for “prepare to be damp for the next three days, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get home without getting rained on.”
• Portland traffic is like a choose-your-own-adventure book, except all the endings involve a detour and a bike lane that is blocked by a food cart, and then you have to figure out where to lock your bike, and then you have to try to figure out how to get home, and then you have to start all over again tomorrow, but it is still going to be worth it.
• “My bike is more attached to me than my dating life in the Pearl, and it judges my helmet choice, and also, it has strong opinions about my choice of coffee, and also, it’s judging my rent.”
• A Portland dog walks into a pet store and asks for an organic, locally made, vegan treat, and then asks if they validate parking for bikes, and then asks if they have a portable charger, and then asks if they have a good data plan.
• “My favorite Portland workout? Dodging scooters, and tourists, and also, trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then getting a coffee with a really long line, and then trying to find a dry place to sit and drink it, and then I realize I forgot my reusable straw.”
• “My bike is more committed to me than my dating life in the Pearl, and it judges my helmet hair.”
• “They say you can’t predict the weather in Portland, but I can predict that at some point today, I’ll need to find a dry place to sit and drink my coffee, and also, I’ll probably get lost trying to find parking for my bike.”

Navigating Portland: Sayings About Transportation and Traffic

Portland’s quirks extend to its transportation. You’ll hear folks joke about “the 20-minute bike ride” that turns into an hour, or mutter “just take the MAX” with a knowing glance. Traffic? A shared woe, often met with a resigned “that’s just Portland.” These sayings capture our daily navigation struggles, with…

• A Portland traffic jam is just a really slow-moving bike parade with a few cars trying to blend in.
• “Just a few blocks away” in Portland translates to “a 20-minute bike ride, three hills, and a detour through a farmers market.”
• My GPS in Portland now just says, “Prepare for a detour due to a bike lane that is blocked by a food cart.”
• Portland drivers use their turn signals as a suggestion, not a command, especially if there is a bike lane nearby, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• You know you’re a Portlander when you can give directions using only the names of food carts, the general direction of the nearest brewery, and the phrase, “just past that really quirky little bookstore with the cat, and then you have to figure out how to lock your bike, and then you have to try to find a dry place to drink your coffee, and then you realize you forgot your reusable straw, and then you have to start all over again tomorrow.”
• Portland parking is like a mythical creature; you hear stories about it, but you rarely ever see it, and if you do, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan.
• “The mountain is out” is Portland’s version of a weather forecast, and also, it is a warning that the parking is going to be terrible.
• My favorite Portland workout? Trying to find parking near Powell’s, but I always end up biking there, and then I have to find a place to lock up my bike, and then I have to figure out how to get back home, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, but it is still going to be worth it.
• My car’s GPS in Portland now just says, “Prepare for unexpected detours due to a pop-up bike lane, and a strong possibility of encountering a food cart, and a group of tourists trying to take pictures of a building with a really long line, and then you will have to figure out where to park your bike, and then you will realize you forgot your reusable straw.”
• Portland’s traffic is like a choose-your-own-adventure book, but all the endings involve a detour, a bike lane, and a food cart that is blocking the way, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan.
• “It’s just a little mist” is Portland code for “prepare to be damp for the next three days, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get home without getting rained on, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably have a really good map of all the breweries in the area, and also, you should probably just stay home.”
• A Portland dog walks into a pet store and asks for an organic, locally made, vegan treat, and then asks if they validate parking for bikes, and then asks if they have a portable charger, and then asks if they have a really good data plan.
• The only thing more unpredictable than the weather in Portland is the availability of parking, and also, the availability of a dry place to sit and drink your coffee, and also, the availability of a bike rack that is not already full.
• Portland is where the rain is free, and the parking is not, and you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan, and a waterproof jacket, and a portable charger.
• My bike is more attached to me than my dating life in the Pearl, and it judges my helmet choice, and also, it has strong opinions about my choice of coffee, and also, it’s judging my rent, and also, it wants a subscription to a local coffee roasting company, and also, it wants a portable charger, and also, it wants a really good data plan for when I’m trying to find a new brewery.

Portland’s Subculture: Unique Slogans and Their Meanings

Portland’s subcultures have spawned some wonderfully weird slogans. “Keep Portland Weird” is the classic, a proud embrace of eccentricity. But you’ll also hear “Put a Bird On It,” a playful jab at the city’s obsession with, well, birds. These aren’t just jokes; they’re shorthand for shared values and a delightfully…

• You know you’re a Portlander when your bike has more accessories than your car, and your car is probably a Subaru.
• My Portland apartment is so small, my houseplants are starting to develop a complex about the lack of natural light, and are demanding a better view of the Willamette River, and also a subscription to a local coffee roaster.
• A Portland traffic jam is just a really slow-moving bike parade with a few cars trying to blend in, and then everyone has to stop at a food cart, and then they have to figure out how to lock their bikes, and then they realize they forgot their reusable straws.
• I tried to have a quiet moment in a Portland park, but a group of people started a silent disco, and then they asked if I wanted to join their kombucha tasting group, and then they asked if I had a really good data plan for when they are trying to find parking near the park.
• You know you’re a Portland local when you can give directions using only the names of food carts, the general direction of the nearest brewery, and the phrase, “just past that quirky little bookstore with the cat, and then you have to figure out how to lock your bike, and then you have to try to find a dry place to drink your coffee, and then you realize you forgot your reusable straw, and then you have to start all over again tomorrow”.
• My ideal Portland date? A walk in the rain, followed by a tasting flight at a local brewery, and then a trip to a food cart, and then a discussion about the merits of different types of locally sourced kombucha, and then trying to find a place to lock our bikes, and then realizing we forgot our reusable straws, and then we decide to go to a vintage record store, and then we have to try to figure out how to get home, and then we have to start all over again tomorrow.
• They say Portland is where young people go to retire, I guess all the flannel and coffee makes sense then, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they are trying to find parking, or a new food cart, or a new brewery, or the best place to lock their bike, and also, they all have a portable charger.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Portlander, so I started wearing flannel to therapy, talking about the latest food cart openings, and then asked if they wanted to go for a bike ride, and then we did, but first, we had to find parking, and then we had to find a place to lock our bikes, and then we had to try a new brewery, and then we realized we forgot our reusable straws, and then we had to figure out how to get home, and then we had to start all over again tomorrow, but it was still worth it, and also, we needed to find a place to charge our phones.
• “The mountain is out” is Portland’s version of a weather forecast, which is basically a myth anyway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to find parking, and a portable charger.
• A Portland dog walks into a pet store and asks for an organic, locally made, vegan treat, and then asks if they validate parking for bikes, and then asks if they have a portable charger, and then asks if they have a really good data plan, and then asks if they have a map of all the dog friendly breweries in the area.
• My favorite Portland workout? Trying to find parking near Powell’s, but I always end up biking there, and then I have to find a place to lock up my bike, and then I have to figure out how to get back home, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, and then I realize I forgot my book, and then I have to find a place to charge my phone.
• “It’s just a little mist” is Portland code for “prepare to be damp for the next three days, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get home without getting rained on, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and also, you should probably have a really good map of all the breweries in the area.”
• “My bike is more attached to me than my dating life in the Pearl, and it judges my helmet choice, and also, it has strong opinions about my choice of coffee, and also, it’s judging my rent, and also, it wants a subscription to a local coffee roasting company, and also, it wants a portable charger, and also, it wants a really good data plan for when I’m trying to find a new brewery.”
• You haven’t truly lived until you’ve tried to find parking in the Pearl district on a Saturday night, and then tried to lock your bike, and then realized you forgot your reusable straw, and then decided to just go home, and then you started all over again the next day, but it was still worth it, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan, and a portable charger.
• My favorite Portland sport is trying to find parking near Powell’s, but I always end up biking there, and then I have to find a place to lock up my bike, and then I have to figure out how to get back home, and then I have to start all over again tomorrow, and then I realize I forgot my book, and then I have to find a place to charge my phone.