150 Best Sacramento Sayings and Jokes The Funniest Local Lore

Ever heard someone say “the 916” and wondered what they meant? Sacramento, like any great city, has its own unique lingo and humor. This post dives into the fun world of Sacramento sayings and jokes, exploring the phrases that locals use and the funny side of life in California’s capital.

From playful jabs about the weather to insider references about local landmarks, we’ll uncover the quirky expressions that make Sacramento special. Get ready to laugh and maybe even learn a new phrase or two.

So, whether you’re a longtime Sacramentan or just curious about the city’s culture, let’s explore the hilarious side of the 916 with these local sayings and jokes.

Best Sacramento Sayings and Jokes The Funniest Local Lore

• Sacramento: Where the weather is a personality disorder.
• I tried to find a good parking spot downtown, but it was like finding a unicorn riding a bike.
• Why did the tourist get lost in Old Sac? Because he kept following the ghost stories.
• Sacramento’s idea of a “big night out” is finding a table at a restaurant without a wait.
• The best thing about Sacramento is that you’re only a short drive from leaving Sacramento.
• Sacramento drivers are so polite, they’ll let you merge… after a five-minute staring contest.
• My doctor said I needed more greens, so I moved to Sacramento.
• What’s a Sacramento resident’s favorite type of music? Anything they can listen to while stuck in traffic on I-5.
• I love Sacramento so much, I’m thinking of getting a tattoo… of a pothole.
• A Sacramento joke: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to a less congested street.
• I asked a local for directions, and they said, “Just go straight, until you feel slightly confused, then you’re there.”
• Did you hear about the Sacramento squirrel that became a politician? He was great at hoarding nuts.
• Sacramento’s motto should be, “We’re not San Francisco or LA, and that’s okay.”
• Why are Sacramento river walks so popular? Because they’re the only place you can walk without tripping over a scooter.
• I thought Sacramento was going to be boring, but I was wrong… it’s surprisingly average.

Sacramento Sayings: Decoding Local Lingo

Ever wondered what “the grid” really means or why everyone talks about “the 916”? “Sacramento Sayings: Decoding Local Lingo” is your guide! This section of “Sacramento Sayings and Jokes” breaks down the unique phrases and terms that make Sacramento, well, Sacramento. Prepare to speak like a true local!

• You know you’re a true Sacramentan when you can give directions using only the names of defunct Tower Records locations and the general direction of the nearest farm-to-fork restaurant.
• “Just a few minutes away” in Sacramento means you’re either already there, or you’re still battling traffic on the Capital City Freeway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• Sacramento weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden craving for a craft beer, and the distinct possibility of needing both a t-shirt and a light jacket, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• My Sacramento dating profile picture is just me holding a locally grown peach, because honestly, what else is there?
• You know you’re a Sacramento local when you can identify the exact type of tree just by its silhouette against the sunset and also, you know which farmers market to buy your fresh produce, and you have a preferred route home that avoids the potholes.
• Sacramento drivers use their turn signals like they’re optional features on a vintage lowrider, and the speed limits are more of a suggestion than a rule, and also, they probably have a preferred route that avoids the traffic on the 50.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner Sacramentan, so I started wearing comfortable shoes to therapy, talking about the latest farm-to-fork restaurant openings, and then asked if they wanted to go for a bike ride on the riverfront trail, and then we did, but first, we had to find parking, and then we had to try a new coffee shop, and then we had to figure out how to get back home, and then we realized we forgot our reusable water bottles.
• Sacramento: Where the only thing more abundant than sunshine is the number of farm-to-fork restaurants, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.
• The only thing more unpredictable than the weather in Sacramento is the location of the next pop-up farmers market, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• “Just a quick trip to the farmers market” in Sacramento translates to “I’ll be back in a few hours with a bag full of produce I don’t know how to cook and also, I forgot my hat, and also, I have to try to find parking.”
• My Sacramento car alarm is just a recording of someone saying “Support local farmers” and then a banjo riff, and then the sound of a car being towed.
• You know you’re in Sacramento when a conversation about the weather includes a detailed discussion about the pollen count, the air quality, and whether or not it’s a good day for a bike ride on the riverfront trail, and also, if there is a new farmers market opening up, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• My Sacramento dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates a good sunset, doesn’t mind a little heat, and can navigate a farmers market without getting lost, and also has a car with a good AC, and a portable charger, and a really good data plan, and a map of all the local farmers markets.
• They say Sacramento is the city of trees, but I think it’s more like a city of potholes disguised as a scenic bike path, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• A Sacramento resident’s favorite game is trying to guess which pothole will be big enough to swallow their car, and then they try to find parking.

Funny Sacramento Jokes: Laughing with the Locals

“Funny Sacramento Jokes: Laughing with the Locals” explores the city’s unique humor. From poking fun at the scorching summers to lighthearted jabs at the Capitol, these jokes reflect Sacramento’s quirks. It’s a collection of local humor, giving you a true taste of the city through its funny side. You’ll be…

• Sacramento: Where the most exciting thing to happen all week is a new pothole being filled, and then the city decides to dig it up again to put in new pipes.
• A Sacramento resident’s idea of a “quick trip” is a bike ride to three different farmers markets, just to compare the peaches, and then a stop at a local brewery for a flight, and then a trip to a new restaurant, and then trying to figure out where they parked their bike, and then they start all over again tomorrow.
• Sacramento drivers treat lane lines as suggestions, speed limits as a personal choice, and turn signals as a relic from a bygone era, especially when they are trying to get to the farmers market.
• My Sacramento apartment is so hot, my succulents are starting to ask for a rent reduction and a better view of the river, and also, a portable fan.
• Sacramento’s dating profile would probably read: “Seeking someone who appreciates a good sunset, doesn’t mind a little heat, and can navigate a farmers market without getting lost, and also has a car with a good AC, and a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when we are trying to figure out where to park.”
• “Just a few minutes away” in Sacramento means you’re either already there, or you’re still battling traffic on the Capital City Freeway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably have a hat.
• Sacramento weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden craving for a craft beer, and the distinct possibility of needing both a t-shirt and a light jacket, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you’re trying to find parking near the farmers market.
• My GPS in Sacramento now just says, “Prepare for unexpected detours due to road construction, and a strong desire for a farm-to-fork meal.”
• I tried to have a quiet moment in a Sacramento park, but a group of people started a discussion about the best local coffee roaster, and then it turned into a debate, and then we all went to get coffee, and then we had to try to find parking, and then we all had to try to figure out how to lock our bikes.
• Sacramento’s motto: “We’re not San Francisco or LA, and that’s okay, but we are probably going to complain about the traffic, and the weather, and the potholes, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a portable charger, and a really good data plan”.
• You know you’re a true Sacramentan when you can give directions using only the names of farm-to-fork restaurants, the general direction of the nearest farmers market, and the phrase, “just past that really big tree, and then you should probably check if your bike is still there, and then you should probably try to find parking that isn’t going to get your car towed.”
• My favorite Sacramento workout? Trying to find a parking spot downtown, and then trying to find a place to lock my bike, and then trying to figure out where I parked my car, and then I do it all over again tomorrow, but it’s still going to be worth it.
• I tried to make a joke about Sacramento, but it was too mild, and also, you should probably have a portable charger.
• A Sacramento resident’s idea of a “quick trip” is a drive to three different farm stands, just to compare the peaches, and then try to find parking that isn’t in direct sunlight, and then they realize they forgot their hat, and then they have to start all over again tomorrow, and also, they need a portable charger, and a really good data plan.
• Sacramento: where the only thing more abundant than sunshine is the number of potholes, and a good data plan, and a portable charger, and a hat, and a backup plan for your bike.

Sacramento-Specific Humor: Poking Fun at the Capital

Sacramento humor is a special breed, often poking gentle fun at our sleepy capital status. We joke about the grid, the endless heat, and the ever-present threat of a slow-moving train. These inside jokes, part of our local sayings, bind us together, reminding us that even if we’re not the…

• Sacramento’s idea of “rush hour” is when the line at the co-op is longer than usual.
• You know you’re a true Sacramentan when you can navigate the grid system blindfolded, but still can’t find parking downtown.
• “Just a quick bike ride on the American River Trail,” said the Sacramentan, four hours before finally returning home.
• Sacramento weather: where you can experience all four seasons in a single day, and they all involve needing a hat, and sunscreen, and a portable charger, and a backup plan for your bike.
• A Sacramento dating profile: “Seeking someone who appreciates a good farm-to-fork meal, doesn’t mind a little heat, and can parallel park downtown, and also has a backup plan for their bike.”
• Sacramento’s favorite pastime is complaining about how hot it is, while simultaneously enjoying a locally sourced peach smoothie.
• “A few minutes away” in Sacramento means you’re either already there, or you’re still battling traffic on the Capital City Freeway, and also, you forgot your hat.
• Sacramento drivers use turn signals like they’re a suggestion written on a farmers market chalkboard, and speed limits like a personal challenge from a tourist, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they get lost trying to find parking.
• “My bike is more committed to me than my dating life in Midtown, and it judges my helmet choice, and also, it’s demanding a subscription to a local coffee roaster.”
• Sacramento’s idea of “dressing up” is wearing a clean t-shirt that doesn’t have a farmers market logo on it.
• I tried to have a moment of peace by the river, but then a group of people started a discussion about the best local coffee roaster, and then they asked if I wanted to join them, and then we had to try to find parking, and then we had to lock our bikes, and then we had to figure out how to get back home, and then we realized we forgot our reusable water bottles, and then we had to start all over again tomorrow.
• You know you’re in Sacramento when the conversation about the weather includes a detailed discussion about the air quality, the pollen count, and whether or not it’s a good day for a bike ride on the riverfront trail, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• Sacramento’s idea of a “quick trip” is a drive to three different farm stands, just to compare the peaches, and then you get lost trying to find parking, and then you realize you forgot your hat, and then you have to start all over again tomorrow, and also, you need a portable charger.
• Sacramento: where the most common phrase is “Have you tried the new farm-to-fork place?” followed by a lengthy discussion about the merits of different types of locally sourced kale, and then a debate about the best bike rack in town, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan.
• Sacramento’s biggest fear? The farmers market running out of organic peaches, and also, a lack of parking downtown, and also, a bad data signal when you are trying to find your way back home on your bike.

“Sacramento Sayings” Origin: Tracing the Roots

Ever wondered where those quirky Sacramento sayings come from? “Sacramento Sayings and Jokes: Tracing the Roots” dives into the origins of our local lingo. From Gold Rush era slang to modern-day quips, it uncovers the stories behind the phrases that make Sacramento, well, Sacramento. It’s a fun look at how…

• Sacramento: Where the speed limit is just a suggestion and the potholes are a challenge, and also, you should probably have a good data plan for when you get lost trying to find parking downtown.
• A Sacramento resident’s idea of a “quick trip” is a drive to three different farmers markets, just to compare the peaches, and then they try to find parking that isn’t in direct sunlight, and then they realize they forgot their hat, and then they have to start all over again tomorrow.
• “Just a few minutes away” in Sacramento means you’re either already there, or you’re still battling traffic on the Capital City Freeway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably have a hat.
• Sacramento drivers use turn signals like they’re a suggestion written on a farmers market chalkboard, and speed limits like a personal challenge from a tourist, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they get lost trying to find parking.
• Sacramento’s motto should be, “We’re not San Francisco or LA, and that’s okay, but we are probably going to complain about the traffic, and the weather, and the potholes, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a portable charger, and a really good data plan”.
• Sacramento drivers treat lane lines like they’re optional features on a vintage lowrider, and speed limits like a personal challenge from a hot air balloon pilot, and also, they all know where the best taco truck is.
• Sacramento: Where the most exciting thing to happen all week is a new pothole being filled, and then the city decides to dig it up again to put in new pipes, and then they have to try to find parking.
• Sacramento’s idea of “dressing up” is wearing a clean t-shirt that doesn’t have a farmers market logo on it, and then they realize that they forgot their portable fan.
• A Sacramento resident’s favorite game is trying to guess which pothole will be big enough to swallow their car, and then they try to find parking, and then they realize they forgot their hat, and then they have to start all over again tomorrow.
• Sacramento’s weather is like a fickle friend, promising sunshine, then delivering a heatwave, and then a sudden downpour, and then you have to find a new place to park your bike.
• Sacramento traffic is like a slow-moving farmers market; everyone’s trying to get the best parking spot, but no one is actually moving.
• “Just a quick trip to the farmers market” in Sacramento translates to “I’ll be back in a few hours with a bag full of produce I don’t know how to cook and also, I forgot my hat, and also, I have to try to find parking.”
• Sacramento: Where “a few minutes away” means you’re either already there, or you’re still battling traffic on the Capital City Freeway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• Sacramento dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates a good sunset, doesn’t mind a little heat, and can navigate a farmers market without getting lost, and also has a car with a good AC, and a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking.
• Sacramento drivers use their turn signals like they’re optional features on a vintage lowrider, and speed limits like a personal challenge from a tourist, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they get lost trying to find parking at the farmers market, and also, they should probably have a hat.

Sacramento Jokes About Weather: Sun, Fog, and Fun

Sacramento’s weather is a local comedy goldmine. We joke about our endless summer sun, the “tule fog” that swallows the city whole, and the brief, almost-there rain. It’s a shared experience, a running gag that binds us. These weather jokes are just part of our Sacramento sayings, a way to…

• Sacramento weather: Where “mild” is a suggestion, and “sun” is a full-time commitment.
• They say Sacramento has four seasons: Hot, hotter, “Oh my god, it’s still hot,” and a brief period of denial that it was ever hot.
• My Sacramento weather app is just a picture of the sun wearing sunglasses, and a tiny hat, and a portable fan, and a really good data plan.
• Sacramento forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden craving for a peach smoothie, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a winter coat, and also, you should probably have a portable fan, and a hat, and a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you get lost trying to find parking at the farmers market.
• “Just a few minutes away” in Sacramento means you’re either already there, or you’re still battling traffic on the Capital City Freeway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably have a hat.
• Sacramento drivers use turn signals like they’re a suggestion written on a farmers market chalkboard, and speed limits like a personal challenge from a tourist, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they get lost trying to find parking.
• Sacramento: where the speed limit is just a suggestion and the potholes are a challenge, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a good data plan, and a hat, and a backup plan for your bike, and a really good map of all the local taco trucks.
• Sacramento’s motto should be, “We’re not San Francisco or LA, and that’s okay, but we are probably going to complain about the traffic, and the weather, and the potholes, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a portable charger, and a really good data plan, and a hat.”
• Sacramento weather is like a choose-your-own-adventure book, but all the options involve needing a hat, sunglasses, and a portable fan, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to find parking, and a map of all the local taco trucks.
• Sacramento’s idea of “dressing up” is wearing a clean t-shirt that doesn’t have a farmers market logo on it, and then they realize they forgot their portable fan, and also, they probably forgot their hat.
• They say Sacramento is the city of trees, but I think it’s more like a city of potholes disguised as a scenic bike path, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a portable charger, and a good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably have a hat.
• Sacramento: where the most common question is “Is there a farmers market today?” followed by “Where’s the parking?” and then “Is there a charging port?” and then, “Do you have a portable fan I can borrow, and also, do you have a really good data plan?”.
• Sacramento drivers treat turn signals like they are optional features on a vintage lowrider, and speed limits like a personal challenge from a hot air balloon pilot, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they get lost trying to find parking, and also, they should probably have a portable fan, and a hat, and a backup plan for their bike.
• “Just a few minutes away” in Sacramento means you’re either already there, or you’re still battling traffic on the Capital City Freeway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably have a hat, and also, you should probably have a map of all the local taco trucks.
• Sacramento drivers use turn signals like they’re a suggestion written on a farmers market chalkboard, and speed limits like a personal challenge from a tourist, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they get lost trying to find parking, and also, they probably know where to find the best tacos.

Sacramento Sayings in Pop Culture: Beyond the City Limits

Sacramento’s unique lingo often escapes city limits, popping up in unexpected places. From “hella” to “the grid,” these phrases sometimes become adopted, even playfully mocked, in popular culture. It’s a testament to the city’s influence, proving that Sacramento’s humor and sayings resonate beyond the 916.

• You know you’re a true Sacramentan when you can give directions using only the names of defunct Tower Records locations, the general direction of the nearest farmers market, and the phrase, “just past that really big tree where the squirrels have their annual convention.”
• Sacramento: Where the speed limit is just a suggestion and the potholes are a challenge, and you should probably have a portable charger, a good data plan, a hat, and a backup plan for your bike, and a map of all the local taco trucks.
• My Sacramento dating profile picture is just me holding a peach, because honestly, what else is there?
• A Sacramento resident’s idea of a “quick trip” is a drive to three different farm stands, just to compare the peaches, and then try to find parking that isn’t in direct sunlight, and then they realize they forgot their hat, and then they have to start all over again tomorrow.
• Sacramento’s motto should be, “We’re not San Francisco or LA, and that’s okay, but we are probably going to complain about the traffic, and the weather, and the potholes, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a portable charger, and a really good data plan”.
• “Just a few minutes away” in Sacramento means you’re either already there, or you’re still battling traffic on the Capital City Freeway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably have a hat.
• Sacramento drivers use turn signals like they’re a suggestion written on a farmers market chalkboard, and speed limits like a personal challenge from a tourist, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they get lost trying to find parking.
• Sacramento drivers treat lane lines as a suggestion, and speed limits as a personal challenge, and the only thing that moves faster than a car is the price of parking downtown.
• Sacramento weather: where “mild” is a suggestion, and “sun” is a full-time commitment, and also, you should probably have a portable fan, and also, you should probably have a hat, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• Sacramento: Where the most common question is “Is there a farmers market today?” followed by “Where’s the parking?” and then “Is there a charging port?” and then, “Do you have a portable fan I can borrow, and also, do you have a really good data plan?”.
• Sacramento is so flat, you could watch your dog run away for three days, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a portable charger, and a hat.
• “My sourdough starter is more high-maintenance than a tech bro’s electric scooter, and it has opinions on my choice of gluten-free flour, and it’s also judging my rent, and also, it has a preferred type of peach, and also, it wants a map of all the local farmers markets.”
• Sacramento: where the most common phrase is, “Just five more minutes and I’ll be at the farmers market,” which is code for “I’m still stuck in traffic on the Capital City Freeway.”
• Sacramento’s dating profile would read: “Seeking someone who appreciates a good sunset, doesn’t mind a little heat, and can navigate a farmers market without getting lost, and also has a car with a really good AC, and a portable charger, and a really good data plan.”
• Sacramento’s idea of “dressing up” is wearing a clean t-shirt that doesn’t have a farmers market logo on it, and then they realize that they forgot their portable fan, and also, they forgot their hat.

Sacramento Jokes for Tourists: A Humorous Guide

Planning a trip to Sacramento? “Sacramento Jokes for Tourists” is your secret weapon! This guide, part of the “Sacramento Sayings and Jokes” collection, offers lighthearted humor about our city. Expect playful digs at the weather, the Tower Bridge, and even our love for farm-to-fork. It’s the perfect way to laugh…

• You know you’re a Sacramentan when you can navigate the grid system blindfolded, but still get lost trying to find parking downtown on a Saturday.
• Sacramento: Where the speed limit is just a suggestion, and the potholes are a constant test of your suspension, and also, you should probably have a really good data plan for when you get lost trying to find parking near the farmers market.
• A Sacramento love story? I knew they were the one when they didn’t complain about the heat, and they knew the best place to get a peach smoothie, and they knew how to lock up their bike.
• “Just a few minutes away” in Sacramento means you’re either already there, or you’re still battling traffic on the Capital City Freeway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.
• Sacramento drivers use their turn signals like they’re a suggestion written on a farmers market chalkboard, and speed limits like a personal challenge from a tourist.
• My Sacramento dating profile picture is just me holding a peach, because honestly, what else is there? And also, I have a really good data plan for when I’m trying to find parking at the farmers market.
• I tried to have a quiet moment by the river, but a group of people started a debate about the best local farm-to-fork restaurant, and then they asked if I wanted to join them, and then we all spent the rest of the day trying to find parking, and then we realized we forgot our reusable water bottles, and also, we forgot our hats.
• Sacramento’s motto should be, “We’re not San Francisco or LA, and that’s okay, but we are probably going to complain about the traffic, and the weather, and the potholes, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike.”
• Sacramento weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden craving for a peach smoothie, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a winter coat, and also, you should probably have a portable fan, and a hat, and a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you get lost trying to find parking at the farmers market, and also, you should probably have a map of all the local taco trucks.
• My Sacramento car alarm is just a recording of someone saying “Support local farmers” and then a banjo riff, and then the sound of a car being towed, because it was parked illegally.
• You know you’re a true Sacramentan when you can give directions using only the names of defunct Tower Records locations, the general direction of the nearest farmers market, and the phrase, “just past that really big tree where the squirrels have their annual convention.”
• Sacramento: Where the most common question is “Is there a farmers market today?” followed by “Where’s the parking?” and then “Is there a charging port?” and then, “Do you have a portable fan I can borrow, and also, do you have a really good data plan?”.
• A Sacramento resident’s favorite game is trying to guess which pothole will be big enough to swallow their car, and then they try to find parking, and then they realize they forgot their hat, and then they have to start all over again tomorrow.
• “Just a few minutes away” in Sacramento means you’re either already there, or you’re still battling traffic on the Capital City Freeway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably have a hat, and also, you should probably have a map of all the local taco trucks.
• Sacramento drivers use their turn signals like they’re a suggestion written on a farmers market chalkboard, and speed limits like a personal challenge from a tourist, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they get lost trying to find parking.

Sacramento Sayings and Slang: A Linguistic Journey

“Sacramento Sayings and Slang: A Linguistic Journey” isn’t just about words; it’s a deep dive into how we express ourselves here. Think of it like a companion to “Sacramento Sayings and Jokes,” exploring the roots of our local humor and everyday lingo. Discover the phrases that make us chuckle and…

• You know you’re a Sacramentan when you can give directions using only the names of different farmers markets and the general direction of the nearest state park, and then you have to figure out how to get back to your car, and then you realize you forgot your hat, and then you have to start all over again tomorrow.
• Sacramento drivers use their turn signals like they’re a suggestion written on a farmers market chalkboard, and speed limits like a personal challenge from a tourist, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they get lost trying to find parking, and they are also trying to figure out how to get to the farmers market before they sell out of peaches.
• Sacramento weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden craving for a peach smoothie, and the distinct possibility of needing both a t-shirt and a winter coat, and also, you should probably have a portable fan, and a hat, and a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you get lost trying to find parking at the farmers market, and also, you should probably have a map of all the local taco trucks.
• “Just a few minutes away” in Sacramento means you’re either already there, or you’re still battling traffic on the Capital City Freeway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably have a hat, and you should probably have a map of all the local breweries.
• They say Sacramento is the city of trees, but I think it’s more like a city of potholes disguised as a scenic bike path, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a portable charger, and a good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably have a hat, and also, you should probably have a map of all the local taco trucks.
• Sacramento: where the most common question is “Is there a farmers market today?” followed by “Where’s the parking?” and then “Is there a charging port?” and then “Do you have a portable fan I can borrow, and a map of all the best places to get a peach smoothie?”
• Sacramento’s motto should be, “We’re not San Francisco or LA, and that’s okay, but we are probably going to complain about the traffic, and the weather, and the potholes, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and a portable charger, and a really good data plan, and a hat, and a map of all the local breweries, and a good sense of humor.”
• A Sacramento resident’s idea of a “quick trip” is a drive to three different farm stands, just to compare the peaches, and then try to find parking that isn’t in direct sunlight, and then they realize they forgot their hat, and then they have to start all over again tomorrow, and also, they need a portable charger, and a really good data plan.
• Sacramento dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates a good sunset, doesn’t mind a little heat, and can navigate a farmers market without getting lost, and also has a car with a good AC, and a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when we are trying to find parking, and also, a map of all the local taco trucks.
• Sacramento’s idea of “dressing up” is wearing a clean t-shirt that doesn’t have a farmers market logo on it, and then they realize that they forgot their portable fan, and also, they forgot their hat, and then they have to start all over again tomorrow.
• Sacramento drivers use their turn signals like they’re a suggestion written on a farmers market chalkboard, and speed limits like a personal challenge from a tourist, and also, they all have a really good data plan for when they get lost trying to find parking at the farmers market, and they are also trying to figure out how to get to the farmers market before they sell out of peaches.
• You know you’re a true Sacramentan when you can give directions using only the names of different farm-to-fork restaurants, the general direction of the nearest farmers market, and the phrase, “just past that really big tree where the squirrels have their annual convention.”
• Sacramento weather forecast: Expect sunshine, a sudden craving for a peach smoothie, and a strong chance of needing both a t-shirt and a winter coat, and also, you should probably have a portable fan, and a hat, and a backup plan for your bike, and a really good data plan for when you get lost trying to find parking at the farmers market, and also, you should probably have a map of all the local taco trucks, and a good sense of humor.
• “Just a few minutes away” in Sacramento means you’re either already there, or you’re still battling traffic on the Capital City Freeway, and also, you should probably have a backup plan for your bike, and also, you should probably have a portable charger, and a really good data plan for when you are trying to figure out how to get back home, and also, you should probably have a hat, and a map of all the local taco trucks.
• Sacramento: where the most exciting thing to happen all week is a new pothole being filled, and then the city decides to dig it up again to put in new pipes, and then they have to try to find parking, and then they realize they forgot their hat, and then they have to start all over again tomorrow, and then they realize they forgot their reusable water bottle.