150 Best Virginia Sayings and Jokes That Will Make You Holler

Ever heard someone say “Well, bless your heart” and wondered what they really meant? Virginia, with its rich history and charming culture, has a unique way with words. Get ready to dive into a world of witty expressions and hilarious anecdotes as we explore the best Virginia sayings and jokes.

From old-fashioned idioms to modern quips, we’ll uncover the humor and heart behind these local gems. Prepare to chuckle and maybe even learn a new phrase or two that will make you feel like a true Virginian.

So, grab a sweet tea and settle in. We’re about to embark on a fun-filled journey through the linguistic landscape of the Old Dominion.

Best Virginia Sayings and Jokes That Will Make You Holler

• Why did the Virginia farmer bring a ladder to the cornfield? He heard the crop was having a-maize-ing growth!
• A Virginia opossum walks into a bar, orders a drink, then asks the bartender, “Do you have any good ‘playing dead’ jokes? I’m trying to break the ice.”
• In Virginia, we don’t say “I’m surprised,” we say “Well, I’ll be doggone and dipped in gravy!”
• What’s a Virginian’s favorite kind of music? Anything with a good banjo twang and a story about moonshine.
• Two Virginia squirrels were arguing about where to bury nuts. One said, “We should go north!” The other replied, “Nah, let’s go south! It’s where all the good acorn-tivities are!”
• Virginia drivers are so polite, they’ll wave you on even if you’re parked on their front lawn.
• A Virginian’s idea of roughing it is staying in a hotel with less than three stars.
• You know you’re in Virginia when the phrase “Bless your heart” can mean anything from genuine sympathy to passive aggression.
• Why don’t they play poker in the Shenandoah Valley? Too many mountains to bluff.
• A Virginia mosquito’s motto: “I came, I saw, I sucked…and you didn’t even see me coming.”
• Two Virginia tomatoes were walking down the street. One said, “I feel so squashed!” The other replied, “Yeah, it’s a real vine situation.”
• A Virginian was asked if he liked history. He said, “Well, I am from Virginia, so, naturally, I’m historically awesome.”
• What do you call a lazy Virginia cat? A nap-oleon.
• My Virginia grandmother once told me, “If you ain’t got nothing nice to say, come sit by me and we’ll figure something out.”
• A Virginian went to a fancy restaurant and ordered a plate of plain grits. When the waiter asked if he needed anything else, he said, “Yeah, some butter, and a whole lotta ‘bless your heart’ for serving me the good stuff.”

Virginia Sayings: A Deep Dive into Local Lingo

Ever wondered what “fixin’ to” really means? Dive into “Virginia Sayings: A Deep Dive into Local Lingo” for an insightful look at our unique expressions. This book, alongside “Virginia Sayings and Jokes,” reveals the humor and heart behind our regional dialect. Explore phrases that are as charming as the Blue…

• That fella’s got a mind like a Shenandoah backroad, scenic but a little bit curvy and you’re never quite sure where it’s going to take you.
• A Virginian’s idea of a “quick trip” is a two hour drive through the countryside, stopping at three different antique shops, and a conversation about the weather with every person they see.
• If you don’t like the weather in Virginia, just wait five minutes, it’ll probably change, and probably involve some humidity.
• My grandma says, “If you can’t fix it with a little bit of Southern charm and a lot of patience, it probably ain’t worth fixin’.”
• You know you’re in Virginia when the biggest debate isn’t politics, but whether to put vinegar or mustard on your barbecue, and everyone has a strong opinion, and a family recipe to back it up.
• That idea is about as likely as a groundhog predicting an early spring, and then actually getting it right, and then getting invited to the White House.
• A Virginian’s biggest fear isn’t a hurricane, it’s someone mispronouncing “Appomattox” and then asking for ketchup on their barbecue.
• They say time moves slower in Virginia, but that’s mostly because we’re too busy enjoying the scenery and sipping sweet tea to notice.
• A Virginian’s idea of “dressing up” is putting on their best pair of boots, a clean flannel shirt, and maybe a hat, and then they’re ready for anything, even a trip to the grocery store.
• A Virginia traffic jam is just a slow-motion parade of pickup trucks, and everyone’s waving, even if they’re secretly late for a bluegrass festival.
• My Virginia weather app just gives me a picture of a cloud and the caption “Yep, that’s about right,” and then suggests I grab a glass of sweet tea, and maybe a biscuit.
• My neighbor’s dog is so used to the humidity, he wears a raincoat and a tiny pair of galoshes, and still complains.
• They say the best things in life are free, and in Virginia, that includes a good sunset over the Blue Ridge Mountains and a story about a fish that got away, and maybe a little bit of gossip.
• You know you’re in Virginia when the local radio station plays more bluegrass than actual news, and everyone knows all the words.
• That fella’s got a voice as smooth as a glass of bourbon, and a story to go with it, but you might need a few hours to hear the whole thing, and you should probably grab a rocking chair, and maybe some sweet tea, and maybe a biscuit, and maybe a nap.

Virginia Jokes: Humor From the Old Dominion

Looking for a taste of Virginia wit? “Virginia Jokes: Humor From the Old Dominion” is your guide! It captures the essence of local humor, from gentle ribbing to quirky observations. Within the larger world of Virginia sayings and jokes, this collection offers a specific, delightful flavor of the state’s playful…

• That fella’s got a memory like the James River, long and winding, and you’re never quite sure where it’s going to end up, and it’s probably full of silt.
• My Virginia GPS just keeps saying, “You’re near a historic site, and probably some beautiful scenery, now what are you gonna do about it?”
• A Virginian’s idea of a quick trip is a three-hour drive through the mountains, and then stopping for a glass of sweet tea, and a story about the Civil War.
• They say everything is historic in Virginia, but have you seen the size of a ham biscuit? It’s practically a monument to deliciousness, and maybe a little bit too much, but worth it.
• You know you’re in Virginia when the local radio station plays more bluegrass than actual news, and everyone knows all the words, and they’re all probably about a lost love, or a good time at a festival.
• That idea is about as likely as a squirrel learning to speak with a Tidewater accent, and then getting a job at the state capitol.
• My Virginia weather app just gives me a picture of a cloud and the caption “Yep, that’s about right,” and then suggests I grab a glass of sweet tea, and maybe a biscuit, and maybe a good book.
• They say patience is a virtue, especially when you’re waiting for your barbecue to be cooked just right, and for the hushpuppies to get perfectly golden brown, and then you have to wait for the sweet tea to be perfectly brewed.
• A Virginian’s biggest fear isn’t a thunderstorm, it’s someone putting ketchup on their barbecue, and then asking where to find the nearest Yankee Candle store.
• A Virginian’s idea of “dressing up” is putting on a clean pair of boots, a flannel shirt, and maybe a hat that doesn’t have fishing lures stuck in it, and then they’re ready for anything, even a trip to the grocery store.
• That fella’s got a smile like a sunrise over the Blue Ridge Mountains, beautiful but a little bit hazy, and you know he’s about to tell you a story that will probably take all day, and you should probably grab some sweet tea, and maybe a rocking chair.
• My Virginia neighbor says they don’t need a gym, they get all the exercise they need chasing after rogue chickens and untangling fishing lines, and they’re probably gonna start a bluegrass band, too.
• That’s about as likely as a Yankee learning to make a proper biscuit, or a Yankee learning to say “y’all” with a straight face, and then actually meaning it.
• My Virginia grandmother once told me, “If you ain’t got nothing nice to say, come sit by me and we’ll figure something out,” and then she’d probably offer me a biscuit, and a glass of sweet tea, and then tell me a story that I’ve heard a million times.
• “Bless your heart,” she said, “you’re sweating like a glass of sweet tea on a porch in July, and maybe you should go inside and sit a spell, and then I’ll make you a biscuit, and then maybe some pie, too.”

Funny Virginia Sayings: Wit and Wisdom of the Commonwealth

Looking for a laugh with a touch of Southern charm? “Funny Virginia Sayings” dives deep into the Commonwealth’s unique wit. It’s more than just jokes; it’s a collection of clever phrases and down-home wisdom that perfectly captures Virginia’s spirit. A true treat for anyone exploring Virginia sayings and jokes.

• That fella’s got a mind like a map of the Blue Ridge Parkway, scenic, but you’re never quite sure where you’re going.
• A Virginian’s idea of “dressing up” is putting on their cleanest pair of boots and a hat that doesn’t have fishing lures stuck in it.
• If you’re lost in Virginia, just follow the sound of a banjo and the scent of honeysuckle, you’ll either find your way or a really good time, and maybe a glass of sweet tea.
• They say everything is historic in Virginia, but have you seen the size of a plate of country ham? It’s practically a monument to deliciousness, and maybe a little too much salt, but worth it.
• My GPS in Virginia just keeps saying, “You’re near a historic landmark, and probably some beautiful scenery, now what are you going to do about it, and maybe grab a glass of sweet tea?”
• “Bless your heart,” said the Virginian grandma, “you’re sweating like a glass of sweet tea on a porch in July, and maybe you should go inside, and I’ll make you a biscuit.”
• A Virginia rainstorm is like a free carwash, but also a good excuse to stay inside and read a book and maybe have some sweet tea.
• My Virginia neighbor says they don’t need a weather app, they just look at the sky and say, “Yep, looks like another day in Virginia,” and then grab a glass of sweet tea, and maybe a biscuit, and then they head out to their garden.
• What do you call a fashionable possum in Virginia? A dapper critter with a penchant for playing dead.
• That’s about as likely as a Yankee knowing how to make a proper Brunswick stew, and then actually enjoying it.
• That fella’s got a voice as smooth as a glass of bourbon, and a story to go with it, but you might need a few hours to hear the whole thing, and you should probably grab a rocking chair, and maybe some sweet tea.
• My Virginia friend says they don’t need a map, they just follow the scent of barbecue and the sound of a distant banjo, and they always end up somewhere interesting.
• My Virginia therapist told me to embrace my inner Virginian, so now I’m perpetually calm about the weather and always craving a ham biscuit and a glass of sweet tea.
• They say patience is a virtue, especially when you’re waiting for your country ham to cure just right, and it takes forever, but it’s worth it, especially with a side of red-eye gravy.
• A Virginian’s idea of a “quick trip” is a two-hour drive through the countryside, stopping at three different antique shops, and then a conversation about the weather with every person they see, and then they’re late.

Virginia-Specific Jokes: Laughing at Our Quirks

Virginia’s unique charm shines through its jokes! We chuckle at our confusing road names, the never-ending debate over which “Hampton” is best, and of course, the joys of navigating I-95. These inside jokes, part of our shared Virginia experience, remind us that laughing at our quirks is a true local…

• My GPS in Virginia just keeps saying, “Turn left at the next historic marker… and then another one… and then another one.”
• A Virginian’s idea of a “quick trip” is a two-hour drive down a scenic road, stopping at three different antique shops, and then a conversation with every person they see, and then getting some barbecue.
• You know you’re in Virginia when a “slight chance of rain” means you should probably pack a boat, and maybe a poncho, and definitely some sweet tea, and then wait it out on the porch.
• That fella’s got a mind like a Virginia back road, full of twists, turns, and a few scenic overlooks, and you’re never quite sure where you’ll end up, but you’ll probably find some good barbecue along the way.
• They say everything is historic in Virginia, but have you seen the size of a Virginia ham? It’s practically a monument to deliciousness.
• A Virginian’s idea of a “balanced meal” is a plate of barbecue, a side of coleslaw, and a glass of sweet tea, and maybe a biscuit, and maybe some fried okra, and maybe some hushpuppies.
• “Bless your heart,” said the Virginian grandma, “you’re sweating like a glass of sweet tea on a porch in July, and maybe you should go inside and sit a spell, and I’ll make you a biscuit, and then maybe tell you a long story about the Civil War.”
• If you’re lost in Virginia, just follow the sound of a banjo and the scent of barbecue, you’ll eventually find your way, or at least a really good time, and maybe a glass of sweet tea, and a biscuit.
• They say patience is a virtue, especially when you’re waiting for your country ham to cure just right, and it takes forever, but it’s worth it, especially with a side of redeye gravy.
• That fella’s got a voice as smooth as a glass of bourbon, and a story to go with it, but you might need a few hours to hear the whole thing, and you should probably grab a rocking chair.
• My Virginia weather app just gives me a picture of a cloud and the caption “Yep, that’s about right.”
• A Virginian’s biggest fear isn’t a hurricane, it’s someone putting ketchup on their barbecue, and then asking if they have any sweet tea, and then they’ll probably need a biscuit to calm down.
• A Virginian’s idea of a “speed chase” is a pickup truck trying to catch up to a runaway tumbleweed, and everyone is watching, and maybe placing bets on who will win, and then they all go get some sweet tea.
• “That’s about as likely as finding a Yankee who knows how to make a proper biscuit, or who knows the difference between barbecue and grilling.”
• That fella’s got a smile like a sunrise over the Blue Ridge Mountains, beautiful but a little bit hazy, and you know he’s about to tell you a story that will probably take all day.

Unique Virginia Sayings: Expressions You Won’t Hear Elsewhere

Virginia’s got a charming way with words! Beyond the usual Southern drawl, you’ll stumble upon unique phrases and sayings that are purely Virginian. From “fixin’ to” to “cattywampus,” these expressions add a special flavor to our conversations. Discover the humor and history hidden within these local gems, part of what…

• That fella’s got a smile like a Chesapeake Bay sunrise, beautiful but a little bit foggy, and you know he’s probably about to tell you a story that will take all morning.
• Bless your heart, you’re sweating like a glass of sweet tea on a porch in August, and you probably need a nap, and maybe a biscuit, and maybe a fan, and maybe just go inside.
• They say patience is a virtue, especially when you’re waiting for your ham biscuit to be cooked just right, and for the pimento cheese to be perfectly creamy, but not too tangy, and then you realize you forgot the sweet tea.
• A Virginian’s idea of a “quick trip” is a scenic drive through the countryside, a stop at three different antique shops, and then a conversation about the weather with every person they see.
• That’s about as likely as a squirrel learning to speak with a Tidewater accent, and then getting a job at the state capitol, and then actually getting something done.
• My GPS in Virginia just keeps saying, “You’re near a historic marker, and probably a scenic overlook, now what are you gonna do about it, and did you bring some sweet tea?”
• What’s a Virginian’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good banjo twang and a story about moonshine, and maybe a little bit of gospel, and maybe a little bit of history, and maybe a little bit of gossip.
• That fella’s got a mind like a Virginia back road, full of twists, turns, and a few scenic overlooks, and you’re never quite sure where you’ll end up, but you’ll probably see some cows along the way.
• “Well, I’ll be a hound dog’s uncle,” she said, “that’s the dangdest thing I’ve seen all week, and I’ve seen a squirrel try to waterski, and a cardinal try to fly underwater.”
• “Bless your heart,” said the Virginian grandma, “you’re sweating like a glass of sweet tea on a porch in July, and maybe you should go inside and sit a spell, and I’ll make you a biscuit, and then tell you a long story about the Civil War, and then maybe a nap.”
• They say everything is historic in Virginia, but have you seen the size of a ham biscuit? It’s practically a monument to deliciousness, and maybe a little bit too much ham, but worth it, and you should probably have some sweet tea to go with it, and maybe a nap.
• A Virginian’s biggest fear isn’t a hurricane, it’s someone putting ketchup on their barbecue, and then asking if they have any sweet tea.
• My Virginia weather app just gives me a picture of a cloud and the caption “Yep, that’s about right,” and then suggests I grab a glass of sweet tea, and maybe a biscuit, and maybe a good book, and then maybe a nap.
• That fella’s got a smile like a summer day on the coast, warm but a little bit salty, and probably means he’s about to tell you a story that will take all day, and you should probably just grab some sweet tea, and maybe a rocking chair.
• A Virginian’s idea of “dressing up” is putting on their cleanest pair of boots, a flannel shirt that doesn’t have mud on it, and maybe a hat with a fishing lure stuck in it, and then they’re ready for anything, even a trip to the grocery store.

Regional Virginia Jokes: Humor Across the State

“Regional Virginia Jokes” explores how humor varies across the state, from the mountains to the coast. It’s part of “Virginia Sayings and Jokes,” revealing the unique ways Virginians find things funny. Expect friendly ribbing about accents, local customs, and maybe even a bit of good-natured rivalry between different areas.

• That fella’s got a mind like a Chesapeake Bay crab pot, full of tangled lines and a few snappy personalities.
• You know you’re in Virginia when a “quick trip” to the store involves a detour to Monticello, a stop for some peanuts, and a discussion about the founding fathers.
• My Virginia grandma says, “If you can’t fix it with a little bit of sweet tea and a whole lot of patience, it probably wasn’t meant to be fixed, and maybe you should just grab a biscuit.”
• They say everything is historic in Virginia, but have you seen the size of a Virginia ham? It’s practically a monument to deliciousness, and maybe a little bit too much salt, but worth it.
• That fella’s got a smile as wide as the Shenandoah Valley, and a story to go with it, but you might need a few hours to hear the whole thing, and you should probably grab a rocking chair.
• A Virginian’s idea of a “speed chase” is a horse-drawn buggy trying to outrun a flock of geese, and everyone is watching, and maybe placing bets on who will win.
• You know you’re in Virginia when the biggest debate isn’t politics, but whether to have vinegar or mustard on your barbecue, and everyone has a strong opinion, and a family recipe to back it up.
• If you don’t like the weather in Virginia, just wait five minutes, it’ll probably get more humid.
• My Virginia GPS just keeps saying, “You’re near a historic landmark, and probably a Civil War reenactment. Good luck with that and maybe grab a glass of sweet tea.”
• They say a watched pot never boils, but a watched pot of Brunswick stew will make you hungrier than a tick on a hound dog.
• A Virginian’s version of “dressing up” is putting on your best pair of boots, a clean flannel shirt, and a hat that doesn’t have fishing lures stuck in it, and maybe a pair of Carhartts.
• That’s about as likely as a Yankee learning to make a proper Virginia ham biscuit, and then actually enjoying it.
• What do you call a fashionable chicken in Virginia? A Chic-ken with a Tidewater accent.
• My Virginia weather app just gives me a picture of a cloud and the caption “Yep, that’s about right,” and then suggests I grab a glass of sweet tea, and maybe a biscuit, and maybe a good book, and maybe a nap.
• “Bless your heart,” is a versatile phrase in Virginia, it can mean anything from “I pity you” to “you’re about to do something incredibly foolish, and I’m going to watch, and maybe offer you a glass of sweet tea.”

Old Virginia Sayings: Timeless Expressions of Yore

“Old Virginia Sayings” offers a charming glimpse into the past, showcasing the wit and wisdom of generations. These aren’t just dusty phrases; they’re vibrant echoes of a time when life moved slower, and storytelling was an art. This collection within “Virginia Sayings and Jokes” lets us savor the unique flavor…

• That fella’s got a grin like a hound dog who just cornered a possum, a little mischievous and a lot of teeth.
• A Virginia summer is like a long, slow waltz with a humid ghost, and it just never quite lets go, and you should probably grab a glass of sweet tea, and maybe a rocking chair, and maybe a fan.
• Bless your heart, you’re about as sharp as a bowling ball in a bag of marshmallows.
• They say everything is historic in Virginia, but have you seen the size of a slice of Smithfield ham? It’s practically a monument to deliciousness, and maybe a little bit salty, but worth it.
• If you’re lost in Virginia, just follow the scent of honeysuckle and the sound of a banjo, you’ll eventually find your way, or at least a really good time and a glass of sweet tea.
• That idea is about as likely as a squirrel learning to speak with a Tidewater accent, and then getting a job at the state capitol, and then actually getting something done.
• A Virginian’s idea of a “quick trip” is a two-hour drive through the countryside, stopping at three different antique shops, and then a conversation about the weather with every person they see.
• That fella’s got a voice as smooth as a glass of bourbon, and a story to go with it, but you might need a few hours to hear the whole thing, and you should probably grab a rocking chair, and maybe a biscuit, and maybe a glass of sweet tea.
• That’s about as useful as a screen door on a submarine, or a snow shovel in July, and twice as likely to get you in trouble.
• My Virginia weather app just gives me a picture of a cloud and the caption “Yep, that’s about right,” and then suggests I grab a glass of sweet tea, and maybe a biscuit, and maybe a nap.
• They say patience is a virtue, especially when you’re waiting for your pulled pork to be cooked just right, and for the coleslaw to be perfectly creamy, but not too sweet, and not too tangy, and then you realize you forgot the sweet tea, and then you have to go back.
• A Virginian’s biggest fear isn’t a hurricane, it’s someone putting ketchup on their barbecue, and then asking for a glass of iced tea that isn’t sweet.
• What’s a Virginian’s favorite kind of music? Anything with a good banjo twang and a story about moonshine, and maybe a little bit of history, and maybe a little bit of gossip.
• A Virginian’s idea of “dressing up” is putting on their cleanest pair of boots and a hat that doesn’t have fishing lures stuck in it.
• “Bless your heart,” said the Virginian grandma, “you’re sweating like a glass of sweet tea on a porch in July, and maybe you should go inside and sit a spell, and I’ll make you a biscuit, and then maybe tell you a long story about the Civil War.”

Virginia-Themed Jokes: Poking Fun at Our History

Virginia’s history is ripe for gentle teasing! Our “Virginia Sayings and Jokes” often include playful jabs at our historical figures and events. Think jokes about founding fathers, slow-paced living, or maybe a good-natured poke at our love for peanuts. It’s all in good fun, a way we connect through shared…

• That fella’s got a mind like a Shenandoah Valley fog, thick, hard to see through, and you’re not sure where you’re going.
• They say the early bird gets the worm, but in Virginia, the early bird gets stuck behind a slow-moving tractor on a back road.
• A Virginian’s idea of a “quick trip” is a leisurely drive through the countryside, stopping at three different antique shops, and then a conversation with every person they see.
• You know you’re in Virginia when the local radio station plays more bluegrass than actual news, and everyone knows all the words, and they’re all probably about a lost love and a good time at a festival, and maybe a little bit of moonshine.
• That’s about as likely as a Yankee learning to make a proper Virginia ham biscuit, and then actually enjoying it, and then not putting mustard on it.
• My GPS in Virginia just keeps saying, “You’re near a historic marker, and probably some beautiful scenery, now what are you going to do about it?”
• A Virginian’s biggest fear isn’t a hurricane, it’s someone mispronouncing “Appomattox”, and then asking for ketchup on their barbecue, and then saying they prefer North Carolina sweet tea.
• “Bless your heart,” said the Virginian grandma, “you’re sweating like a glass of sweet tea on a porch in July, and maybe you should go inside and sit a spell, and I’ll make you a biscuit, and then maybe tell you a story about the Civil War, but only if you want to hear it.”
• They say everything is historic in Virginia, but have you seen the size of a Virginia ham? It’s practically a monument to deliciousness, and maybe a little bit too much salt, but worth it, and you should probably have a biscuit with it.
• A Virginian’s idea of “dressing up” is putting on their nicest pair of boots, a clean flannel shirt, and maybe a hat that doesn’t have fishing lures stuck in it.
• What’s a Virginian’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good banjo twang and a story about moonshine and maybe a little bit of gossip about the neighbors.
• My Virginia weather app just gives me a picture of a cloud and the caption “Yep, that’s about right,” and then suggests I grab a glass of sweet tea, and maybe a biscuit, and maybe a good book, and maybe a rocking chair.
• If you’re lost in Virginia, just follow the sound of a banjo and the scent of barbecue, you’ll eventually find your way, or at least a really good time, and probably some sweet tea, and a biscuit, and maybe a long story.
• That fella’s got a smile as wide as the Shenandoah Valley, and a story to go with it, but you might need a few hours to hear the whole thing, and you should probably grab a rocking chair.
• You know you’re in Virginia when the local hardware store sells more fishing gear than actual tools, and the employees are all experts at casting a line and telling a tall tale, and they probably have a story about that one time they caught a fish that was bigger than your car.