150 Best Washington Sayings and Jokes Your Guide to Evergreen State Humor

Ever heard a joke so corny it could only come from the nation’s capital? Get ready to chuckle! We’re diving headfirst into the world of Washington sayings and jokes, exploring the quirky humor and unique expressions that define the political landscape and beyond.

From witty one-liners about the White House to self-deprecating digs at bureaucracy, this post uncovers the funny side of Washington D.C. Prepare for some lighthearted fun and maybe even a groan or two, as we explore the best, and sometimes worst, of Washington humor.

Best Washington Sayings and Jokes Your Guide to Evergreen State Humor

• “I’m not saying Washington D.C. is slow, but the squirrels there use dial-up.”
• Why did the cherry tree feel so awkward? Because everyone kept talking about George Washington chopping it down, but nobody offered it a therapist.
• “In Washington, a ‘compromise’ is when both sides get something they didn’t want.”
• What’s a Washingtonian’s favorite type of music? Bills, bills, bills.
• I tried to explain the Electoral College to my cat; now she just stares at me with profound disappointment. Guess she understands it better than some people.
• “A politician in Washington is like a weather vane: they follow the direction of the wind, not necessarily what’s true.”
• Why did the intern bring a ladder to the Capitol? They heard the government was reaching new heights of bureaucracy.
• “Washington D.C.: where the only thing that moves faster than the legislation is the rumor mill.”
• A tourist asked a local, “Is it true that all politicians are liars?” The local replied, “Well, I’m not sure, but I’ve heard some of them tell some pretty convincing stories.”
• What’s the difference between a Washington D.C. parking spot and a unicorn? One exists only in fairy tales.
• My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes, so I decided to run for office in Washington.
• A bill walks into a bar in Washington; the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” The bill replies, “That’s okay, I’ll probably just sit around for years anyway.”
• “They say the wheels of justice turn slowly in Washington, but I think they might be just stuck in traffic.”
• Why did the senator bring a map to the committee meeting? He was trying to find common ground.
• The most common phrase in Washington? “Let’s table that for now… and forever.”

Washington State Sayings: A Linguistic Landscape

“Washington State Sayings: A Linguistic Landscape” explores the unique phrases and expressions that color conversations here. Beyond the jokes, it uncovers the regional slang, revealing how our shared experiences shape our language. It’s more than just words; it’s a glimpse into the heart of Washington, a place where “the mountain…

• My Washington weather app just gives me a picture of rain and the caption “Yep, that’s about it, and you should probably grab an umbrella, and maybe some waterproof hiking boots.”
• You know you’re in Washington when the local coffee shop has a “Rainy Day Roast” and a “Cloudy Morning Blend” on the menu.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of a “quick hike” is a five-hour trek up a mountain, and then a debate about which summit has the best view.
• My Seattle GPS just keeps saying, “You’re near a coffee shop, a brewery, and a bookstore, now what?”
• They say the air is fresh in Washington, but mostly it just smells like pine trees and damp earth, and maybe a hint of salmon.
• A Washington traffic jam is just a slow-motion parade of Subarus with kayaks on top, all headed to the same trailhead.
• My Washington friend says they don’t need a weather forecast, they just look at the sky and say, “Yep, looks like another day in Washington,” and then grab a raincoat, and maybe a reusable coffee cup.
• You know you’re in Washington when the biggest debate isn’t politics, but whether you prefer your coffee from Starbucks or a local roaster, and everyone has a very strong opinion.
• My therapist told me to find my happy place, so I went to a farmers market in Seattle… turns out, it was just a really big market with a lot of people, and a lot of produce, and I was happy, but also a little bit overwhelmed.
• That fella’s got a mind like a Seattle sky, always changing and a little bit cloudy, and you’re never sure what you’re gonna get.
• They say everything is green in Washington, but have you seen the size of a fern after a good rain? It’s practically a miniature rainforest, and you should probably grab a reusable bag.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of a “quick trip” to the store involves stopping at three different farmers markets, just to make sure they get the freshest produce, and a debate about which one is best, and then they realize they forgot their reusable bags, and then they go home.
• If you’re lost in Washington, just follow the sound of a folk band and the scent of pine trees, you’ll eventually find your way, or at least a good view, and a cup of coffee.
• That’s about as likely as a Seattleite giving up their reusable bag, or a Portlander admitting they don’t like craft beer, and maybe you should just grab a coffee and a scone, and then start all over again.
• My Washington weather app just suggested I learn how to speak fluent Sasquatch, “just in case” I need to ask for directions in the woods, and that I should probably grab a reusable coffee cup.

Funny Washington Jokes: Humor from the Evergreen State

Looking for a laugh from the Pacific Northwest? “Funny Washington Jokes” dives into the state’s unique quirks. Beyond the rain, find witty observations about coffee culture, outdoor adventures, and even the occasional Sasquatch sighting. It’s a collection that perfectly captures the spirit of Washington sayings and jokes with a lighthearted…

• My Washington weather app just gives me a picture of a mountain and a coffee cup with the caption “Yep, that’s about it.”
• You know you’re in Seattle when the biggest traffic jam is caused by a group of people trying to get a decent picture of the Space Needle in the fog.
• They say everything is green in Washington, but have you seen the size of a moss-covered rock? It’s practically a tiny, damp jungle.
• My Washington friend says they don’t need a map, they just follow the scent of coffee and the sound of a distant grunge band, and maybe a little bit of rain.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of a “quick errand” is a detour to three different farmers markets, just to compare the artisan cheeses, and then a stop at a brewery for a tasting, and then maybe a hike.
• If you don’t like the weather in Washington, just wait five minutes, and then grab a raincoat, and then maybe some sunglasses, and then maybe some snow boots, because it’s probably going to change again.
• That fella’s got a mind like a Puget Sound ferry schedule, confusing, and always running behind.
• A Washingtonian’s biggest fear isn’t a Sasquatch sighting, it’s running out of reusable shopping bags.
• They say the air is fresh on the Washington coast, but mostly it just smells like salt, seaweed, and a distant fish fry and maybe some coffee.
• My Washington car has a permanent layer of mud, it’s a badge of honor, and a testament to the endless trails, and the fact that I just don’t wash it, and maybe I should get a reusable bag.
• My GPS in Washington just keeps saying, “You’re near a trailhead, and probably some rain. Good luck finding a parking spot, and don’t forget your raincoat.”
• What’s a Washingtonian’s favorite type of music? Anything that sounds like a gentle rainfall, with a side of acoustic guitar, and a story about the forest, and maybe a reference to a reusable bag.
• A Washington traffic jam is just a slow-motion parade of Subarus with kayaks on top, all headed to the same trailhead, and everyone is being polite about it, mostly, and maybe they’ll stop for some craft beer.
• You know you’re in Washington when the local coffee shop has a “Rainy Day Roast” and a “Mountain Mist Mocha” on the menu, and everyone orders both.
• If you’re not complaining about the traffic, you’re probably not in Seattle, and you should probably try to find a parking spot, and then you’ll complain about the price.

Washington Puns and Wordplay: Playing with Place Names

Washingtonians love a good laugh, and our state’s unique place names are prime pun material! From “Yakima me crazy” to “Spokane my mind,” we’re always playing with words. This collection of Washington sayings and jokes highlights our playful spirit, using locations to create clever quips and silly wordplay that only…

• My GPS in Olympia just keeps saying, “You’re surrounded by government buildings. Good luck finding a parking spot, and a place to get a decent cup of coffee.”
• They say everything is evergreen in Washington, but have you seen the size of a coffee cup? It’s practically a monument to caffeine, and maybe a little bit overpriced, but worth it.
• That fella’s got a mind like the Seattle waterfront on a busy day, all foggy and a little bit crowded, and maybe a few seagulls trying to steal your lunch.
• You know you’re in Washington when the biggest traffic jam is caused by a group of hikers trying to get to the same trailhead, and everyone is being polite about it, mostly, and maybe they’ll all stop for some craft beer after.
• My therapist told me to find my happy place, so I went to Pike Place Market… turns out, it was just a really big crowd of people with a lot of fish, and I was happy, but also a little overwhelmed.
• They say patience is a virtue, especially when you’re trying to get a reservation at a popular restaurant in Seattle, and then you have to wait in line, and then you have to debate which IPA to order, and then you realize you forgot your reusable bag, and then you’re late.
• That fella’s got a smile like a ferry boat on Puget Sound, always coming and going, and you’re never quite sure if he’s about to leave.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of a “quick trip” to the store involves a detour to three different farmers markets, just to make sure they get the freshest produce, and a debate about which kombucha is the best, and then a stop at a local brewery, and then they realize they forgot their reusable bags, and then they have to go back home.
• They say the air is fresh on the Washington coast, but mostly it just smells like salt and seaweed, and a distant fish fry, and maybe some coffee.
• If you’re lost in Washington, just follow the sound of a folk band and the scent of pine trees, you’ll eventually find your way, or at least a really good microbrewery.
• My Washington weather app just gives me a picture of a cloud and the caption, “Yep, looks like another day in Washington,” and then suggests I grab a raincoat, a reusable bag, and a good book.
• My Seattle GPS just keeps saying, “You’re near a coffee shop, a brewery, and a bookstore. Now, what’s the plan?”
• They say what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, but your credit card bill usually follows you home to Washington and then judges you, and maybe a few questionable decisions, and then you need a reusable bag for all those souvenirs, and then you realize you forgot your raincoat.
• “You know you’re in Washington when the local coffee shop has a ‘Rainy Day Roast’ and a ‘Mountain Mist Mocha’ on the menu, and everyone orders both, and then they all head out for a hike, and then they’ll all complain about the traffic.”
• A Washington politician’s idea of a “fact-finding mission” is a weekend trip to a local brewery, all expenses paid, and a lot of handshaking while eating food cart tacos, and then a long discussion about the weather, and then they start it all over again.

Political Jokes in Washington: A Capitol Laugh

Washington’s humor, often found in “A Capitol Laugh,” is a unique beast. Political jokes here aren’t just punchlines; they’re a way to navigate the city’s power dynamics. From subtle digs to blatant lampoons, they offer a glimpse into the real, sometimes absurd, heart of Washington. It’s a language all its…

• A politician’s promise in Washington is like a free sample; small, tempting, and ultimately unsatisfying.
• Washington D.C.: Where the only thing more bipartisan than gridlock is the love of a good lobbyist lunch.
• In Washington, a “fact-finding mission” is just a really good excuse for a weekend getaway… on the taxpayer’s dime.
• They say a bill is like a sausage, you don’t want to see how it’s made, and it’s probably full of something you didn’t expect.
• My Washington D.C. therapist told me to embrace my inner politician, so now I’m perpetually late, always avoiding direct answers, and constantly fundraising for my next therapy session.
• Washington D.C.: Where the only thing more powerful than the President is a well-placed comma in a piece of legislation.
• A politician’s speech in Washington is like a weather forecast; it changes every five minutes and is usually wrong.
• In Washington, they say compromise is the art of dividing a pie in such a way that everyone believes they got the biggest piece, but no one is actually full.
• A Washington D.C. debate is like a verbal ping-pong match, with a lot of back-and-forth and no clear winner, and everyone’s just a little bit tired at the end.
• They say the wheels of justice turn slowly, but in Washington, they mostly just spin in circles.
• A Washington D.C. politician’s idea of a “quick trip” is a two-hour drive to a fundraiser, then a quick flight to a conference, and then a quick trip to the airport to get back to work, and then a long nap.
• My GPS in Washington D.C. has started giving me directions with a sarcastic tone, like, “Oh, you *want* to take *that* road, do you? Good luck with that, and maybe find a lobbyist to help you.”
• They say everything in Washington D.C. is political, but even the pigeons seem to have an agenda, and they’re probably running for something.
• In Washington D.C., a budget is just a really long wish list with a few numbers thrown in for good measure.
• Washington D.C.: Where the only thing more bipartisan than the love of a good lobbyist lunch is the ability to blame the other side.

Regional Sayings of Washington: Unique Local Expressions

Exploring Washington’s sayings and jokes reveals a rich tapestry of local expressions. From “the mountain is out” to playful jabs about Seattle’s rain, these unique regional phrases offer a glimpse into the state’s culture. They’re more than just words; they’re a shared understanding, a way for Washingtonians to connect and…

• A Washingtonian’s idea of “dressing up” is putting on a clean pair of hiking boots, and maybe a slightly less-worn fleece.
• You know you’re in Seattle when the biggest traffic jam is caused by a group of people debating which coffee shop is the most authentic.
• They say the air is fresh in the Olympic Peninsula, but mostly it just smells like rain, and pine trees, and a distant coffee shop, and maybe a hint of salmon.
• My Washington weather app just suggested I invest in a good raincoat, a pair of waterproof hiking boots, and a reusable shopping bag, and then said, “Good luck with that, and maybe grab a craft beer.”
• A Seattle traffic jam is just a slow-motion parade of Subarus with kayaks on top, all headed to the same trailhead, and everyone is being polite about it, mostly, and they all have a reusable coffee cup.
• What’s a Washingtonian’s favorite type of music? Anything that sounds like a gentle rainfall with a side of acoustic guitar, and a story about the forest, and maybe a reference to a local brewery.
• If you don’t like the weather in Washington, just wait five minutes, or drive to a different neighborhood, it’s probably raining there, too, and maybe you should just get some coffee.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of “roughing it” is camping without a cell phone signal, and then having to actually talk to the other humans.
• My GPS in Seattle just keeps saying, “You’re near a coffee shop, and probably a bookstore. Now what?”
• A Washingtonian’s idea of a “quick errand” is a detour to three different farmers markets, just to make sure they get the freshest produce, and then a stop at a local brewery, and then they realize they forgot their reusable bags, and then they have to go back home.
• They say the mountains are calling in Washington, but mostly they’re just whispering, “Did you pack your rain gear, and your hiking boots, and your reusable bag, and maybe some bear spray, and maybe a good book, and maybe some extra coffee?”
• You know you’re in Washington when the local coffee shop has a “Rainy Day Roast” and a “Mountain Mist Mocha” on the menu, and everyone orders both, and then they all head out for a hike, and then they complain about the traffic.
• A Washingtonian’s biggest fear isn’t a Sasquatch sighting, it’s running out of reusable shopping bags, and then having to use a plastic one, and then they have to recycle it, and then they have to complain about it.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of a “balanced diet” is a locally sourced kale smoothie and a craft beer, and maybe some food cart tacos, and maybe some salmon, and maybe a marionberry scone, and maybe a reusable bag.
• “We don’t have bad hair days in Seattle, we have ‘windblown adventures,’ and we wear them with a beanie, and maybe some rain gear, and maybe a pair of hiking boots.”

Washington-Specific Humor: Jokes That Resonate Locally

Washington’s humor is unique, often revolving around the endless rain, tech giants, or political gridlock. We joke about needing webbed feet, the struggle of finding parking, or the sheer number of coffee shops. It’s humor born from shared experiences, instantly resonating with anyone who’s lived here long enough to “get…

• A Washingtonian’s idea of “dressing up” is putting on a clean pair of hiking boots and a fleece that doesn’t smell like campfire smoke.
• They say the air is fresh on the Washington coast, but mostly it just smells like salt, seaweed, and a distant coffee shop, and maybe a hint of salmon.
• My Washington weather app just gives me a picture of a gray sky and a shrug emoji, and then suggests I grab a reusable bag.
• You know you’re in Washington when the biggest traffic jam is caused by a group of hikers trying to get to the same trailhead, and everyone is being polite about it, mostly, and they all have a reusable coffee cup.
• A Washington traffic jam is just a slow-motion parade of Subarus with kayaks on top, all headed to the same swimming hole, and everyone is being polite about it, mostly.
• What’s a Washingtonian’s favorite type of music? Anything that sounds like a gentle rainfall, with a side of acoustic guitar, and a story about the forest, and maybe a reference to a local brewery.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of a “balanced diet” is a locally sourced kale smoothie and a craft beer, and maybe some food cart tacos, and maybe some salmon, and maybe a marionberry scone, and maybe a reusable bag.
• If you’re lost in Washington, just follow the sound of a folk band and the scent of pine trees, you’ll eventually find your way, or at least a really good microbrewery and a farmer’s market.
• A Washingtonian’s version of a “quick errand” is a detour to three different farmers markets, just to make sure they get the freshest produce, and a debate about which kombucha is the best, and then a stop at a local brewery, and then they realize they forgot their reusable bags, and then they have to go back home.
• My Washington friend says they don’t need a map, they just follow the scent of coffee and the sound of a distant folk band, and then they’ll get some food cart tacos, and then they’ll complain about the traffic.
• They say everything is green in Washington, but have you seen the size of a moss-covered rock after a rain? It’s practically a furry, emerald fortress, and you should probably grab a reusable bag.
• You know you’re in Washington when the local coffee shop has a “Rainy Day Roast” and a “Mountain Mist Mocha” on the menu, and everyone orders both, and then they all head out for a hike, and then they complain about the traffic.
• In Washington, a “compromise” is when both sides get something they didn’t want, and then they both complain about it, and then they go get some coffee.
• They say the air is fresh on the Washington coast, but mostly it just smells like salt, seaweed, and a distant fish fry, and maybe some coffee, and the faint smell of a reusable shopping bag.
• My Washington weather app just suggests I invest in a good raincoat, a pair of waterproof hiking boots, and a reusable shopping bag, and then says, “Good luck, and don’t forget to recycle.”

Common Washington Phrases: Everyday Language Insights

Ever wonder what Washingtonians *really* mean? “That’s interesting” might be polite dismissal, and “bless your heart” could be a gentle jab. Diving into common phrases reveals a lot about local culture. It’s like learning a secret language, unlocking the humor and nuances behind Washington sayings and jokes.

• My Seattle therapist told me to find my happy place, so I went to a coffee shop… turns out, it was just a really big line with a lot of people who also needed caffeine.
• You know you’re in Washington when the biggest traffic jam is caused by a group of people debating the merits of different types of reusable shopping bags, and then they all stop for some craft beer, and then they start the debate all over again.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of a “quick trip” to the store involves a detour to three different farmers markets, just to make sure they get the freshest produce, and a debate about which kombucha is the best, and then a stop at a local brewery, and then they realize they forgot their reusable bags, and then they have to go back home, and then they’re late.
• My Washington weather app just suggested I learn how to speak fluent Sasquatch, “just in case” I need to ask for directions in the woods, and then it said “and maybe pack a raincoat”.
• In Washington, “a little drizzle” is just the sky’s way of saying “hello, and maybe get a reusable bag”.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of a fashion statement is a well-worn pair of hiking boots and a fleece that doesn’t smell like campfire smoke, and maybe a beanie.
• What’s a Washingtonian’s favorite type of music? Anything that sounds like a gentle rainfall with a side of acoustic guitar and a story about the forest, and maybe a reference to a local brewery.
• My Seattle GPS just keeps saying, “You’re near a coffee shop, a brewery, and a bookstore. Now what?”
• They say the air is fresh on the Olympic Peninsula, but mostly it just smells like rain, and pine trees, and a distant coffee shop, and maybe a hint of salmon, and maybe some moss.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of a “balanced diet” is a locally sourced kale smoothie and a craft beer.
• You know you’re in Washington when the local coffee shop has a “Rainy Day Roast” and a “Mountain Mist Mocha” on the menu, and everyone orders both, and then heads out for a hike, and then they all complain about the traffic.
• “In Washington, a ‘compromise’ is when both sides get something they didn’t want, and then they both complain about it, and then they all go get some coffee, and then they start the whole thing all over again.”
• My Washington friend says they don’t need a map, they just follow the scent of coffee and the sound of a distant folk band, and then they stop for some food cart tacos, and then they complain about the traffic.
• A Washingtonian’s biggest fear isn’t a Sasquatch sighting; it’s running out of reusable shopping bags, and then having to use a plastic one, and then having to recycle it, and then they complain about it.
• You know you’re in Washington when the biggest traffic jam is caused by a group of hikers trying to get to the same trailhead, and everyone is being polite about it, mostly, and they all have a reusable coffee cup.

Washington State Insiders’ Jokes: Understanding the Culture

Washington State’s humor is a unique blend. We’ve got our inside jokes about ferry schedules, the perpetual drizzle, and that never-ending debate about which mountain is *really* “the” mountain. Understanding these quips is like getting a secret handshake, a key to unlocking the true Washingtonian culture.

• You know you’re in Washington when “a little drizzle” is just the sky’s way of saying “hello” and suggesting you buy another reusable bag.
• My Washington GPS just keeps saying, “You’re near a trailhead, a coffee shop, and a brewery, now what are we doing today?”
• A Washingtonian’s idea of “dressing up” is putting on a clean pair of hiking boots and a fleece that doesn’t smell like campfire smoke… mostly.
• They say the air is fresh on the Washington coast, but mostly it just smells like salt, seaweed, a distant fish fry and a strong whiff of coffee.
• My Washington weather app just sends me a picture of a gray sky and a shrug emoji.
• A Washingtonian’s biggest fear isn’t a Sasquatch sighting; it’s running out of reusable shopping bags, and then having to use a plastic one and then having to recycle it, and then feeling guilty, and then thinking about the salmon.
• In Washington, a “compromise” is when both sides get something they didn’t want, and then they both complain about it, and then they go get some coffee, and then they start it all over again.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of a “quick trip” to the store involves a detour to three different farmers markets, a debate about which kombucha is the best, and then a stop at a local brewery, and then they realize they forgot their reusable bags.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of a “balanced diet” is a locally sourced kale smoothie and a craft beer, and maybe some food cart tacos, and maybe some salmon.
• If you’re lost in Washington, just follow the sound of a folk band and the scent of pine trees, you’ll eventually find your way, or at least a really good microbrewery, and maybe a farmer’s market.
• My favorite Washington activity? Complaining about the traffic while simultaneously planning a hike to a waterfall, and then complaining about the crowds, and then stopping for a craft beer, and then complaining about the rain, and then buying a reusable bag.
• A Washingtonian’s version of a “traffic jam” is a slow-motion parade of Subarus with kayaks on top, all headed to the same trailhead.
• A Washingtonian’s idea of “roughing it” is camping without a cell phone signal, and then having to actually talk to other humans, and then maybe they’ll get some coffee, and then they’ll complain about the rain.
• You know you’re in Washington when the local coffee shop has a “Rainy Day Roast” and a “Mountain Mist Mocha” on the menu, and everyone orders both and then heads out for a hike, and then they all complain about the traffic.
• What’s a Washingtonian’s favorite type of music? Anything that sounds like a gentle rainfall, with a side of acoustic guitar, and a story about the forest, and maybe a reference to a reusable bag, and maybe they will stop for some craft beer.